These digests of selected stories and comments I receive have all appeared on my Facebook page. I embraced the name “Queen of Filth” after it was used by a Big Fancy Man (BFM) of Oboe in an attempt to denigrate me and to say that I perform feminism incorrectly—he, of course, does it better.
If you’d like to submit something for the Queen of Filth Digests, you can do it through the CONTACT page here or through my Facebook page @katherineneedlemanoboist.
April 20, 2024
𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 #𝟏
My Facebook page has gotten a bit beyond my control. I’m happy about this because I’m happy that people are reading and engaging. I hope they are thinking, too! But I’m having to figure out how to manage it better because I can no longer read all the comments and no longer deal appropriately with the positive and negative messages, which I dislike. I may have to seek external help. All of this is not in any way to ask you to stop engaging. I’m glad that people are finally talking about this stuff.
This has all come in the last 16 hours or so. And of course there is more which can’t be redacted appropriately enough to share safely for some people. Some of that was pretty stunning.
I’m also really glad to keep hearing about all the people who have been told *not* to follow my page or show that they are engaging with it, because you know, I’m the Queen of Filth. Even early on, before I really became a Small Town Old Lady, I was told by a young person that they were told to unlike my posts or they would lose work. Wow. (Let me say again for the people in the back how hard it is to be a freelancer!)
If you’d like to be included in the next Queen of Filth Digest and you are writing me, please help me by stream-lining the following in advance: If you want to me to share, please let me know up front and give me permission. If you want to provide me more detail personally, but want it shared with certain redactions, please specify.
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 #𝟏
I remember in youth orchestra we used to gossip about which SFS members apparently were unfaithful on tour as if that was just an entirely normal part of being in an orchestra. In hindsight, really early normalization of inappropriate workplace behavior. Muckey was in my youth orchestra.
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 #𝟐
By the way, "Queen of Filth" in Italian would be "Regina Sporca.”
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 #𝟑
You are incredibly creative and motivated, ambitious, and giving, and have had to spend a shitload of your life energy on expressing the idea that raping people at work is bad, or that it is a fair idea to involve women in our field when we are over half the population. In my view this is a total waste of resources ---- even though of course it is necessary, unfortunately, but I have to say that I resent how much time and effort we all have to spend for basic human dignity and rights. We should all be spending our time creating things, not forced to go back to absolute basics in general morality. It's like you were a top class interior designer and wanted to focus on artistic details in the room but men keep coming in and taking a steaming dump on the floor.
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 #𝟒
Queen of Filth is “Kuini o te paru” in Māori.
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 #𝟓
Why did Local 802 get those two fuckers reinstated? Who was president of 802 at that time???? Why does the AFM have no statement about this (that I have seen)? Our current 802 president is a woman and has spoken out, but the AFM is silent. I am disgusted.
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 #𝟔
Hi -- Just wanted to send a message of support. You're doing excellent work. I have been doing similar reporting and accounting of sexual harrassment claims and trying to build safe space policies in post-secondary jazz spaces. Of course I was shut out, shunned, basically banned from the industry, and fired. And, I was forced to sign an NDA when I left.
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 #𝟕
I consider myself one of the lucky ones who only had healthy relationships with teachers and never experienced any physical harassment. Even as one of the "lucky ones", navigating school, festivals, and the professional world as a female brass player has been incredibly difficult.
When I was named a TMC fellow in college, students at other schools in town spread rumors that I was sleeping with someone on the committee. I was not. To this day, over 20 years later, these rumors still get brought up. None of them are true and yet I cannot escape them. When I was in my mid 20s I was lucky enough to be given an opportunity to play with a top 5 orchestra for 6 weeks after being a finalist in their audition. It was a dream come true, and at once terrifying and exhilarating. During those weeks, as I tried to focus on being professional and playing my best, two of the BFM string players continually trapped me in corners or blocked my pathway through doorways in order to tell me about my appearance and what they liked about how I looked (neither ever mentioned my playing). One said "I am only going to say one thing about your beauty because once isn't harassment. Every time I see you it's like you're a different beautiful woman. You are like 5 beautiful women in one..." Granted, this could be flattering in a different situation, but within this stark power dynamic, it was suffocating.
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 #𝟖
Hi Katherine. You don’t know me, but we’re around the same age. I was at {REDACTED} when you were at Curtis. First off I want to say what a fucking badass you are. I knew you were an incredible oboist, but to see you add to that a very public and bold advocacy for women has been strengthening for me in ways I never thought I’d see.
I was groomed by a teacher, who greeted my arrival at lessons in his underwear and bathrobe, touched me to teach me, and shared sexual content with me while instructing me not to tell my parents. I was 17. He was the principal oboe of the {REDACTED} Symphony. I remember tension and confusion and shame. I went away to Walnut Hill but would continue to see him for lessons here and there on breaks until I was 23. I feel ashamed even today to admit that, but it was what I knew. I wanted so badly to play oboe in a major orchestra, and I thought trying to stay in his good graces meant access and opportunity.
I came back to {REDACTED} after finishing grad school and was offered a university job. This teacher told me I was not allowed to take that job. He knew who should be in that position (a male student of his). I took the job anyway. I was fresh out of school, needed income, and was excited to work in my field. He purposely called me after that to let me know that I would suffer the consequences of going against him. I never spoke to him again, but I did suffer consequences. I made the mistake once of sharing my story with a female colleague of his in the {REDACTED}SO. I was told coldly that it was in my best interests to hush. I don’t fault her. But it has followed me for decades.
Last summer I played Wicked in {REDACTED}. I’ve played this show hundreds of times, but this run was a disaster like I’ve never experienced. I was threatened with termination by the southeast VP for Broadway Across America because I spoke up about not being paid. I contacted my local, as did the two other women in the pit, and was continuously deflected by the AFM. There was no union rep on the gig nor has there ever been. The contractor, who doesn’t even live in state, is the son of a local {REDACTED} good ol boy and joined the local during the show to cover his ass. And of course! I’ve had to carefully reject unwanted advances from this little man and his father through the years. All of this has worked well for them, though. The union did nothing, and I’ve since lost a lot of work. My AFM dues just lapsed, and after over 20 years as a union member, I will not be renewing.
Really these are just bookend chapters of my uncomfortably thick book. I have never known a career in classical music without having to also walk the tightrope of being prey. So, thank you for creating space for the voiceless. It helps so much to hear other women's stories and know I am not alone.
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 #𝟗
hi
I'm not sure why your story popped up on my feed. but I am based in Scotland and I am surprised this has not reached the news over in the UK. where is the outcry and the transparency of this organisation.
I was speaking to other people in the arts here and they also hadn't heard. this really needs more publicity.
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 #𝟏𝟎
Hi Katherine - I am on MSM Precollege faculty and was horrified to learn about the predator on our faculty. Please please if you can tell anyone you know who has had first hand interaction with that POS {REDACTED} to reach out to msm and this investigator: https://www.instagram.com/p/C59KVyvRnV9/...
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 #𝟏𝟏
Hi Katherine,
Thank you for all your posts on the misogynist toxicity in classical music. it reminded me of when I was graduating from high school and getting ready to study vocal performance. My voice teacher at the time pulled me aside to have a talk about the real world of the music industry and how one day I'd have to make a choice about how I got jobs. She then proceeded to tell me of all the passes from men she'd fended off. She told me how even though she was hired as the female soloist for a major chorale, she lost all her solos to the mistress of the conductor. That mistress was known to open the door of his hotel room naked, so all would know. A couple years later, I moved to {REDACTED} and was talking to a friend who had worked wardrobe on Pavarotti's vocal competition. She would talk about walking into his dressing room and see him being serviced by 5 different female competitors at the same time. That was my first experience hearing how true my voice teacher's stories were. I've primarily stopped performing and switched over to directing due to the focus on appearance and my age, but I recently started over in a new city and noticed how alive and well the bro culture is here too. They keep giving each other jobs, while I am having to assist just to get my name out, even with my 25 year resume. The women thriving, all have started their own companies. The men have too, but they seem to go back and forth between each others' companies while the women are confined to their own... unless they organize a co-production. (This is in the opera world.)
Anyhow, I do hope that one day we won't have to give talks like that to our students, and it'll be more like "these young ones today have no idea how often we used to have to take our cars in to get serviced." Until then, it needs to be called out. You're doing an excellent job at getting your voice heard and bringing these voices together in your comments. Keep up the tremendous and taxing work.
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 #𝟏𝟐
{REDACTED BRASSMAN}. It’s all lip service.
Virtue signaling.
{Graphic: BrassMan saying “I’m with Cara Kizer and really fixing the problem."}
He’s for “fixing the problem,” but doesn’t realize that participating (and advertising his participation) in all-male groups IS THE PROBLEM
{GRAPHIC of him playing with Dave Slonaker Big Band and huge number of names of men.}
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 #𝟏𝟑
DMA student conductor at Eastman put this note in the program for tonight's performance: "Ms. Bryant Novak’s performance of Lili Boulanger’s D’un soir triste is dedicated to all women whose musical voices have been diminished - including Cara Kizer, Amanda Stewart, and many others - with hope that they will ultimately be restored and celebrated." Also, quite notably, tonight they (Eastman School Symphony Orchestra) performed Schumann horn quartet with 4 female presenting soloists. Eastman isn't on the cutting edge, and I know they have been called out for problematic presentations sometimes. So I thought I'd share. (I am not a musician, but parent of an Eastman student). I read your page and discuss with my kid. Thank you for your important voice.
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 #𝟏𝟒
As a former female brass player that founded a nonprofit focused on equity due to my experiences and then did my thesis on the subject, I wanted to share with you my thoughts on recent events.
There isn’t enough time in the world to share all of my thoughts on the misogyny and sexism in the classical space, but with the New York Phil scandal shedding new light on the subject—and having left classical music I finally feel I can speak freely—I feel it’s important to share my experience having done a thesis on the subject.
Institutional gender inequality IS classical music. It’s built in. During my thesis research that was my biggest take away. It’s in the books we were assigned, it was in the repertoire we were taught, and as a low brass player, it was laced throughout my ensemble and studio experiences. During my undergrad (2014-2018) I was frequently silenced when speaking out about the very real sexism that still existed. I was told it wasn’t uncommon for women to win these jobs and that everything was fine now—that I was the problem by talking about it and making my male colleagues uncomfortable. Part of the reason I co-founded the Music Inclusion Coalition, was because of this experience.
Before leaving the SF Symphony, I had a conversation where (ironically) a trumpet player insisted that women were treated equally, and that anything pointing to the contrary was a “pipeline” problem. That there couldn’t possibly be fault with them or the system. For reference, there is currently 1 tenured female member in the entire brass section. When I laid out the data from my thesis, he treated it as if it were an opinion, not hard numbers showing disparity. 4 years of leading conversations around equity to have someone tell me my lived experiences weren’t true.
I am angry and heartbroken that something I believed in so deeply is so fundamentally flawed. It feels like every time these conversations come up, women are told we are making too big of a deal about it. That being dr*gged and r*ped wasn’t enough to get people to pay attention to the problem, it’s only being addressed now that the perpetrators were reinstated.
All of this and I haven’t even touched on the fact that this is a binary space, devoid of any conversation or recognition around the nonbinary and trans community. These professional orchestras still can’t honor the experiences of 51% of the population, much less Queer or BIPOC community.
-𝐍𝐨𝐫𝐚 𝐒𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐚-𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐩𝐚𝐥
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 # 𝟏𝟓
Also, thanks for all your posts and your thoughts the last couple weeks. It’s reasons like the fact that men like this are on my tenure committee that I don’t interact with posts for fear of retaliation but I really do appreciate what you’re saying and what you’re putting out there. So thanks.
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 # 𝟏𝟔
"La Reine de la Saleté" in French
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 # 𝟏𝟕
Hello Katherine.
First of all—thank you for what you are doing, have done, and will do!!!
Secondly, I have hesitated to message you as I know you must be inundated after the article broke.
I do want you to know though that I have done 1 & 2 on your most recent post. I emailed The Rachel Maddow Show, a producer friend at CNN, and NPR’s All Things Considered. I plan to email more after work today. I am not actively playing, but over the years have done 3-6. My biggest dilemma now is figuring out how to best contribute for more change and how to tell my story—though vastly different than Cara and Amanda—but no different from all of the things so many have expressed this past week. I may or may not return music permanently, but have not made that decision yet.
You’ve probably seen this. A reply post about the “Hunky Brute” apparel prompted me to dig a little deeper. I found this old article and it made me sick to my stomach. I once auditioned for NYPhil (the position Muckey won), and never would have expected to experience what Amanda did had I won the position.
Also, I have made it a point not to watch the film Maestro as probably does not paint a clear depiction of what “everyone” experiences in orchestral life. I really have no interest now knowing this about Bernstein. I am sad that I am just learning about this.
https://playbill.com/.../ny-philharmonic-remembers...
Here’s the section of the article that made my stomach drop.
"𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞," 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐌𝐬. 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐭. "𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥, 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝. 𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐚 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐉𝐨𝐞. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐠𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐚 𝐦𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞'𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐨 𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐝!”
It was so easy to find the article. The search for “Hunky Brute” revealed it right away. The NYPO page that previously had the t-shirts for sale now has a “404 page not found” code.
Phil Smith was my absolute role model as an orchestral trumpet player. while I was an undergrad, I felt incredibly lucky to have been one of 10 trumpet players accepted to a summer festival with members of the NYPO brass section. While I did have a wonderful experience overall, I was the only female trumpet player, however that was not at all unusual for me at that time. I see that experience differently now. I should not have been 1 as there were so many female trumpet players in middle school and high school trumpet sections.
I have so much more to tell too, but have not determined which direction to go with that. Maybe it is time to write to two institutions that now employ a conductor who once made inappropriate advances, unwanted touching, and threats to my position when I played principal in said orchestra. I resigned. Now, I would have fought, but I had few resources and feared for my colleagues. I wrote a letter to the board and personnel manager, but I suppose they didn’t want to acknowledge my concerns or I wasn’t clear enough. Either way, he stepped down quietly a few years later. I do not believe I am the only woman in the group who experienced these things.
Lastly, I could go on and on about how I was coached to take “blind” auditions so that no one would have any idea that I was a woman, from how I took a breath to the shoes I should wore… no, I wasn’t told not to wear heels that would have indicated that I was a woman, but to wear heavy soled shoes so that my steps would sound like someone larger than me as I walked across the carpet. I was also warned the first time I subbed with a professional orchestra in a new town that I was to alert the personnel manager if the principal trumpet player said or did anything conceivably inappropriate as there had been past allegations and that I should be careful. I was just starting my true professional playing career and I suddenly had to add being “on guard” to trying to play well, match tone and intonation, and seem confident for the orchestra and conductor so that I would be invited back. I attended professional conferences where I had to listen to crude comments about women during lunch breaks. This is just a small sample too. I know I am not alone in this.
Also, I do not believe any of the professional brass guilds/conferences have commented on any of this. Maybe a large group of women, underrepresented groups, and any survivors of assault could to go to the upcoming ITG Conference. Based on my past attendance and performances at that event, I fear these issues will not be addressed. I hope I am wrong.
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 #𝟏𝟖
{REDACTED GRAPHIC}
My question is…why this photo of his student. The one without her instrument, and you know everyone is looking at her body vs. praise for the concerto competition.
𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 #𝟏𝟗
So to begin with I was one year ahead of {REDACTED DISGRACED BFM} and I played the clarinet but I got to be around him for three years before thankfully I graduated and was no longer around him.
First, no one in the band liked him as a person. He had the personality of a dead jellyfish and was generally considered an "asshole" by all.
There was no denying his talent and ability though and for that he was respected for the virtuoso performances he could put together but damn he was not fun to be around.
The high school we went too was a visual and performing arts focused high school which had a performing arts center on campus for performances.
The band had one of the best, and most demanding, of conductors and quickly became one of the best public high school bands in California, especially for a brand new high school.
One thing to note is that for many of the band members we hung out after concerts, parades and performances. Such as going to Denny's, getting ice cream and the like. Mainly because we really only knew each other in a large high school. Nothing like long bus trips to get to know your fellow band members.
{REDACTED DISGRACED BFM} was not like that though. He often remained aloof and did not interact with people in the band, and even more rare if he interacted with people outside of the band.
We did invite him to a couple of after football game visits to Denny's but he always declined and said he needed to practice.
That was his thing was if he was not performing, rehearsing or traveling for some performance he was constantly practicing his trumpet. It came to the point where he was suffering academically and rumors were swirling he might be sent to alternative high school if he did not start passing his classes.
The point of {REDACTED DISGRACED BFM} was to play the trumpet. He did not give a damn about classes outside of band. I heard rumors some supporters of his hired tutors to help him with his homework since he was so far behind (as he generally practiced from 4 p.m. - 10 p.m. everyday after school).
As I mentioned he was not friendly with anyone in the band and it is not just hanging out after events and the like. He was an incredible ass to everyone.
He did not lift a finger to help move items onto buses, get seating set up and other things high school band members had to do, especially under classman. He felt it was beneath his dignity and either showed up late, disappeared or just said he was not going to do it.
I know he struggled with ladies in high school and got shot down a number of times for dates or going to dances. He tried to show off his skills to any potential partners, but his way of needing to always be the #1 in the relationship, plus his inability to compromise or deal with people who are not perfect was what made him unlikeable.
In our high school band the section leader was in charge of running sectionals if they were needed to rehearse some pieces outside of normal class time.
Thank god I was not a trumpet player when he was there, sadly some people I went to high school with still have PTSD from those days because of him and can't pick up a trumpet anymore. But essentially he ran sectionals constantly, berated other trumpet players (who were fairly good, not perfect like the great {REDACTED DISGRACED BFM} but not bad either). He yelled at them, mentally broke them and if they screwed up in a concert would lay into them when he called for a sectional. Essentially, if you could not keep up with him then you were not good enough and should quit (which he told people multiple times they should stop playing music period).
Things got progressively worse as he got older. He lacked pretty much social skills to interact with people his own age, but who were not at his talent level.
There were times he would say the rest of the band should not even think about getting into music after high school because we all sucked and were no good.
I was in the band when our high school put on "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum" and all of his bad personality traits were on display such as: arrogance (one time bringing in the wrong trumpet and playing it on the fly without even telling the conductor), his treatment of fellow bandmates (not helping get things ready especially if there was an issue in the middle of the show) and his inability to even connect with fellow band nerds about music while we had time to kill in between shows on the weekend.
I know on trips to parks where we competed in different performances no one wanted to be around him (such as Disneyland) because he was such a joykill and a right bastard.
Those of us who were seniors were glad we graduated and didn't have to be around him for another year. From what I heard he became even more verbally abusive to trumpet players and other people in the band. Normally, at the final concert of your senior year you are called to cross the stage one at a time to be honored by both the band and crowd, from what I heard no one in the band clapped when his name was called plus there was no photos of him when a video played detailing the career of the band members for 4 years.
Personally, I think he did not get a lot of social interaction with people who he felt were his inferior. He really did feel everyone was his inferior and if he felt that way then he treated you like garbage. I am not sure if things were different at college, since none of us wanted to keep in contact with him after high school. What I can say is we all knew he would become a professional trumpet player. But we were all surprised when he join the {REDACTED ORCHESTRA} essentially straight out of college and did not need to earn his dues by playing for smaller and mid-level orchestras across the United States and the rest of the world. By joining the top of the classical world probably did not help his ego, or tamper his ego at least, I mean we use to call him {REDACTED} "The Ego” {REDACTED} behind his back (or just the Ego sometimes).
Am I shocked by the accusations against him. Not really. He has always had this inability to be around people for as long as I knew him and I doubt it got better or if he truly ever came across someone who could reign him in.
******************************************************************************************************************************************
April 21, 2024
𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 #𝟐
Again, there are a couple stories I heard over the last half a day or so which I very much wish I could share here, but I won't do it against anyone's wishes. A lot of these are hard to share without outing yourself, and people are of course rightly concerned about professional retaliation and fallout.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏
wow! it's quite something the momentum you've got going on. congratulations and may it long continue.
I'm principal oboe in {REDACTED} in {REDACTED} and for years we had a fully female brass section and our last 2 leaders have been female hooray.
however.. on BFM oboists, there are a few still circulating in GB.
IDRS conference in Manchester late 80's Mr Big time oboe {REDACTED} " what a sweet man" they said put his hand on my thigh under a table and didnt take of off for ages, I was 18. Im {REDACTED} now and I saw him recently at some oboe thing.. he knew I still remembered.
The worst however was that same IDRS conference in Manchester.. {REDACTED} ex {REDACTED} Cor Anglais was massively preditory to me.Wouldnt open a car door until i agreed to sleep with him.. sat there for an hour while he tried to cajole, in the end I panicked, cried a lot and he let me out.. fucker! ive never forgotten and never told anyone except you.
I know hes on fb and i want to tell nearly 40 years later that he was a fucker.. but i feel guilty! wtf I have kids and would be devastated if this happened to them or their friends.
You're awsome and hopefully the females are rising up and having non of it. I dont know you, but Im proud of you.
oh and another one {REDACTED}.. ex principal {REDACTED} Phil. Came to Manchester to teach at the conservatory there. Felt the breasts of my mate whilst teaching her.. "please take deeper breath"." here let me help you". Fucker!
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟐
Matt Muckey is still listed as a Buffet Crampon artist.
https://www.b-and-s.com/artist/matthew-muckey/
Buffet crampon group owns B and S.
Liang Wang is still listed as a Lorée - de Gourdon artist.
https://www.loree-paris.com/musiciens/liang-wang/?lang=en
They're also both on EConnect123.
https://econnect123.com/collections/woodwind
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟑
In the late 1950's (if anyone here is of that vintage) I was a violin student at Juilliard Prep. There was a conductor, Greek, who had an orchestra in New Jersey. He hung around the Juilliard School and it was my understanding that he was recruiting for his orchestra. He sometimes sat in on lessons. One day, he told me that if I came with him, he would take me to watch the NYP rehearse in Carnegie Hall. I was ten, so that sounded great. We sat in the dark in a box, and listened to the rehearsal. Except that he took my hand and put it on his penis. I had never touched a penis but I was pretty sure what it was, and my hand got all sweaty. Then I asked to leave. As we stood up, he grabbed and kissed me on the mouth, hard. I pulled away. He asked why, and I said "Because I don't love you." something I'm proud of, and grateful to my parents for teaching me that sex is about love. Then we walked back to school, and he tried to move me back into child-mode, offering me ice cream or hot chocolate. Later, I told my teacher, {REDACTED}, who I adored. She said it couldn't possibly be true. That was a shock; I loved and trusted her so much. I mention that the conductor was Greek only in hopes that someone else remembers him. First name Tassos. I love Greece and Greeks! Maybe this story doesn't belong here.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟒
Hi Katherine, First on behalf of every woman who has trained for/attempted to and or won a coveted position in a symphony orch, thank you for in short speaking truth to power. A question arose today about how to protect an orchestra who has entirely blind auditions from hiring a known sexual predator who, as an exceptional player, wins an audition. I have my own ideas, but wondered what you would suggest?
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟓
Katherine-
I knew Amanda during my classical music career and competed with her on a high level. I’m appalled. I’m sickened. Disheartened. Blown away. Amanda was touted as one of Joe Alessi’s favorite and best students. Many of the people being called out are people I was once friends or colleagues with in my former musician life.
A little backstory. I was a bright, talented and budding Trombonist. I studied with the best. That includes the elusive Joseph Alessi. I’ve participated in your posts today about him and the actions of the NYP. I left classical music in 2009 after the stock market crash….I did eventually go on to be an officer but that’s not the point of this story. The point is. The Navy paid off my student loans, and offered me a new pipeline of opportunity in my life. Through it all and PTSD for things I cannot speak of, I have landed where I am. A Senior Engineer for the government protecting our country at home and abroad.
A little context. During my time in the navy I participated in a number of court martials of men who had sexually assaulted or raped women. I was the advocate for those women in those trials. These issues in the “good ole boys network” which is inherent in a lot of organizations in todays world have been given daylight in the military and the government. It’s become an issue we train on almost every quarter. The fact that this is not inherent in the music world, a VERY LIBERAL group, is appalling. I expected my musical counterparts to be more progressive than of ALL THINGS the United States Military. The military and government is making more moves to address sexual assault, harassment and rape than the classical music community.
The #Metoo movement didn’t hit the classical music world like it should have. It hit a couple individuals but this is rampant in the world I used to know.
{REDACTED} This is my reasoning for todays message. It is not my place to tell her or guide her or do ANYTHING other than support her on whether or not she should go public with the absolutely horrible things she had went through. I wish that this news about Cara would give her the strength to finally speak her truth, but it’s not my place to tell her anything on the subject, but to only support her in any way I can. She lives this every day, and it has hampered her {REDACTED} career to the point her teacher, who is quite famous in the {REDACTED} world, a woman, continued to expect her to keep silent. Also because this “pillar” is someone she makes money off of, so she has allowed, who knows, maybe countless women be taken advantage of and assaulted.
I gave you my background to show you, I left music during a time where it made sense. I miss it. With all my heart. But to also help you realize I am someone who was once in the community that now is out of it looking In. If we in the DOD and the government can be addressing these issues of an inherently conservative organization(s) how is it that the classical music community is falling short?
….What can those of us that are outside of the music world do to help? How can we affect change. I have always been an advocate in the military/DOD/government to affect change and to protect not only our military members in combat, but those military members being harassed, dehumanized, assaulted and raped at home or abroad. I’d like your help to establish a dialogue, that maybe this too can be brought to our “heads of state” and be spoken about at the federal level where it should be handled. Organizations can govern their own selves and “apologize” but if they do nothing to solve the inherent issues it falls of deaf ears. Let’s be the people that affect change. And not have to wait for these people to die out before it’s changed...And I do hope that if not soon, at some-point she can speak her truth and take down the person who did this to her. Cara and Amanda and Lara and Carol and all of them, including {REDACTED}. Deserve Justice… and to be able to share their music with the world without the threat of predators in any form no matter what they call themselves.
This is an Ex-Trombone player saying this. I do not agree, support, or condone the actions of any of these people who have not provided support. “Greatest Trombone Player in the world” means SHIT to me. He can’t change my job status even if he tried. And none of those involved. Down with the Patriarchy. They need to learn their lesson. Please advise on how I can support this initiative in any way possible.
Very Respectfully-
{REDACTED—he wanted me to use his name but also wanted me to protect the redacted woman here, so I felt I could not}
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟔
Hi. Thank you for your work. I am a {REDACTED} in {REDACTED} with similar experience. My ex husband is the Principal {REDACTED} and was the conductor of the Youth Symphony. He got caught at another job having an affair with an intern he'd hired (at age 19). It's a long story, but ultimately I had to leave the orchestra, not him.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟕
I can’t put into words how prominent the “Old Boys’ Club” can be in not only the music world as a whole, but in the brass section specifically. It’s not always criminal behavior…It appears on a lesser scale when parts/gigs are given to males over equally or more qualified females. When a professor texts/talks about the appearance of a female student with male students. Or when it’s deemed okay for a male member of a graduate school tuba quartet to bail on rehearsal because he was too hung over, but not for the one female when the rehearsal building was actually closed, due to snow…in a Southern state that doesn’t regularly run plows.…
I was fortunate to not really experience much sexism as a musician for a long time…as I had great/supportive teachers all the way through my undergrad career. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for my time in low brass at the University of {REDACTED US STATE WHICH STARTS WITH A}.
My studio professor at the University of {REDACTED US STATE WHICH STARTS WITH A} won a bunch of tuba/euphonium performance awards. But he also sent text messages about my (his graduate teacher assistant) breasts, to other students. He badmouthed me to his brass colleagues (all men). He refused to come to my recital rehearsals because my pianist (who he recommended) had filed a sexual harassment complaint against him. When he heard about the complaints against him, he sent me messages calling me “brainwashed.” On a trip from a regional tuba/euphonium conference he was too hung over to drive the van back to campus, stopped, and asked me to drive back, (even though I had not received the campus’s required driving training). He slept the rest of the way back…
He told me I had “anxiety issues” and needed to sort them out before I could ever be good. (Even though I was already competing internationally.) Even though I had issues, I was apparently still competent enough to house/dog sit for him when he wanted to go out of town…
I went to therapy on campus because of him…my therapist was amazed at the level of abuse occurring….but yet this professor still has a job…a good one…
Also…for what it’s worth, U of {REDACTED US STATE WHICH STARTS WITH A} kept calling me for a couple of years after I graduated asking me to donate money….I finally told them that there wasn’t a chance in hell of that happening until they got a new tuba/euph profesor…and then I never heard from them again….
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟖
A particular personnel manager in a previous orchestra loved the yearly Personnel Manager Conference.
One day the PM laughingly told me about a skit at the yearly convention where PMs acted out various orchestra member types. Oh, don’t worry, I was told. We do not mock specific people but rather general personalities.
In essence, they made fun of the musicians they were supposed to care for.
I was shocked and asked this person if they thought this was appropriate. The response was dismissive of my concerns, saying it was just a joke and a way to let off steam.
This has bothered me for years.
That PMs would make fun musicians at an PM conference, makes me wonder. Did they ever laughingly mock a frightened woman coming in to talk about a harassment incident? Did they portray women as aggressive, or hysterical, stupid or weak?
I wonder if anyone from New York Philharmonic was involved. And I wonder if skits are still part of PM conferences.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟗
I’m in my 40s now and too old to meet the gaze of Big Fancy Men [in Tweed]. But in my 20s, I was working one being granted of those coveted musicology positions at big important schools.
There was a lot of weight placed on socializing at conferences with certain men who studied certain things and advised certain young women. At one point, one of these esteemed men-in-tweed insisted I attend an all-male party with more esteemed men in a hotel room—this was followed by more wine and expensive cheese and you know all about these things. But a certain man did take me back to his penthouse suite and promise to get me into Harvard and get me an ivy league job if I just had sex with him. I’ll add—both of us were married. I’m leaving out so many details. And also, there were other similar stories of Men in Tweed and young women aspiring scholars in need of…everything…centering around Ivy.
Ultimately, I declined the FULL offer and this particular man disappeared never spoke to me again.
My point. This is so pervasive. I felt expected to do whatever I could for Men in Tweed.
I ended up having a much quieter life with two children—teaching music. Only my age has stopped these sorts of problems I encountered in my original career.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟎
Hey, just jumping in to say I hope you are okay. Doing the research/writing on abuse in the organ/church music field between fall 2022 and spring 2023 pretty much assaulted my mental health. So many dark days...so difficult to hear all the stories. Afterwards, I was physically assaulted at a conference the day At Which I Spoke On The Topic OF Abuse In Our Field. I had to hide out in my hotel room for two days after the assault because it was so triggering.
Any way, I hope you are able to do some great self-care right now. I can't begin to thank you for what you are doing. So much love to you!!
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟏
So, I've been principal oboe in the {redacted} Symphony for a number of years (a regional orchestra). Several years ago (maybe 2-3 years prior to the pandemic), our longstanding male timpanist got in a little trouble saying very inappropriate things to two different violinists within a 2 week stretch. He's a creepy guy but basically harmless. Again, these were just statements he made. No assault, nothing even remotely like that. Both women immediately brought it to the committee (of which I'm a member) and mgmt. Management IMMEDIATELY scheduled a meeting separately with both women and the timpanist. Since I'd known the timpanist longer than anyone who was presently on the committee, he asked if I'd represent him. There was a rep from the Local there (a member of our trumpet section was a Local union officer at the time). I informed our timpanist that I was there ONLY to witness what was said by both parties, that I couldn't "represent" him as I was not party to what happened and am not a lawyer. He agreed. At the meeting, on the other side was our ED and the Board chair. The professed statements were read as described to management and how they, if said verbatim, were COMPLETELY inappropriate in a work setting. The timpanist was allowed time to refute, qualify, etc what was accused to have been said.
I only bring this up because if a regional orchestra can effing get its act together to take mere statements seriously and move on it immediately, the New York Philharmonic can certainly take an effing rape seriously!
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟐
Heya - all power to your elbow! In Cornish, Queen of Filth is 'Myghternes Mostedhes’.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟑
You have many folks sending much more important messages your way these days than mine, but just wanted to thank you for your work. This is so important, and it seems as if music is about 100 years behind the rest of civilization. As a casual musician and joyful audience member, it breaks my heart to hear just how deep the cesspool of gross men is. My son is musician and intends to study in college. He’s gotten the lecture from me before, but really got a big one this week as I was reading all of this. Since he will also study engineering and will never be a concert pianist, he is aware that he will have the opportunity to listen and amplify, the stories of his female classmates, and two call out the bullshit when he sees it amongst the men. Hoping and praying the next generation can do a bit better.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟒
Hi Katherine,
Firstly, I want to thank you for being the voice for all the women, including myself, who don’t feel comfortable posting our stories publicly, but want them to be heard.
This isn’t about music school, but when I was in high school I was sexually assaulted by a classmate in the choir. I lost all of my musician friends when I began to speak up about it. He went on to graduate, then the school hired him as a substitute. I confided in my choir teacher why I was no longer attending afterschool rehearsals, and he reported to the principal. The administrators (aka a room full of old white men) listened to my story and said “yep, that’s SA, but since there’s no police report we can’t do anything.” I almost failed out of high school my senior year. Then when I confided in my orchestra teachers (one of which being in the {REDACTED} Philharmonic) why I would be taking a gap year, they went radio silent and stopped supporting me in every way.
Now I’m in my sophomore year of music performance, and all of this news is really raking up all the trauma I faced. Alongside that, nearly of my male professors and colleagues are radio silent.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟓
This video (from 2016, Interview with Ethan Bensdorf) pretty much describes the Big Fancy Men club. Disgusting.
https://youtu.be/UYDQcDN-eg0?si=yVGhbNLgkho1hDeq&t=82
For what it’s worth—I was a brass player at NEC and am guilty of complacency. I did not assault anyone, but did I hang out with those who did? Yes. Did I stand up for women when I should have? No. Did I ask questions where I should have? Also no.
No one is waiting on a statement from me, but what I will say is that the conversation begun by The Article and continued by you, Lara, Doug, and others, has helped me realized where I’ve fucked up and how much work I still have to do. Thank you.
******************************************************************************************************************************************
April 22, 2024
𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 #𝟑
All the trigger warnings.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏
I was a professional trombonist for several decades and studied with many fine teachers (including marvellous women trombonists). My experiences with male pedagogues were often wonderful but not consistently. One of the most egregious experiences occurred while taking lessons with {REDACTED VERY BFM}, just before he retired. He grabbed my breasts while I was playing the Bolero excerpt. The lesson ended shortly thereafter and I dutifully paid him $100 cash -- money I had scrimped and saved for months to be able to afford the lesson and trip to the windy city. It is difficult to emphasize enough, the deep personal shame attached to the realization that I had paid him to touch my breasts, when I should have stood up to him. But of course: he was {REDACTED VERY BFM}. And who would have believed me? He died several weeks later. My secret treasure, the one that helped me through this traumatizing experience, was the thought: “my breasts killed {REDACTED VERY BFM}.”
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟐
Thank you for all of your advocacy. I've been thinking about Brad Garner, former professor of flute at the University of Cincinnati and instructor at the Juilliard pre-college program and Wild Acres Flute Retreat, and his quiet retirement after allegations came to light. I am a flutist and he was a huge name starting in the 90s. We know he abused his students, and I suspect what we know is the tip of the iceberg. Yet, he gets a happy retirement.
https://www.wcpo.com/.../prosecutor-to-discuss-university...
https://www.cincinnati.com/.../students.../1057552001/
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟑
not sure if you were aware but this isn't the first time Slavko has been an awful person
https://www.instagram.com/p/CCXE45bgSUM/
https://www.instagram.com/orchestraisra.../p/CFAXqvtgF7v/...
Was investigated but of course nothing happened. There's a post on the same page about that
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟒
Want to call out this article…I don’t have words for this but am contacting the journalist...calling brass playing male dominated out of “tradition” https://chicago.suntimes.com/.../trumpet-making...
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟓
We used to have a leadership committee/council that was very vocal against bullying and harassment within our orchestra. But when that committee leadership retired, those positions were filled with younger generations who were more concerned with being seen as agreeable by management. They sidelined anyone left over from the previous committee leadership, which meant mostly older players. Anyone older who tries to be vocal now is marginalized. Anyone younger who is smooth talking and compliant with management is popular.
Example: our previous orchestra committee strongly discouraged the typical hierarchy where principals held more sway. But under a younger committee, the PM and GM started giving a lot of cred to principal players again. The GM called non-principals insolent. The new, younger orchestra committee went along with the GM’s assertions. Now very few speak up for what is wrong. We have gone backwards.
Make no mistake—younger generations are not being taught at the conservatory level about ageism, proper interactions, protecting each other from abuse/assault/bullying/any type of harassment. I believe ICSOM should develop a series about protocol (not the right word), asap. Or if they are not willing, a group of dedicated orchestral players who understand what is at stake. This series should be given to every music school and every music professor in the country.
Just look at what Eastman did with their China tour as an example of what not to do.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟔
Hi Katherine. I just wanted to send solidarity and love your way from the Southern Hebrides in Scotland UK.
I’m not a professional musician but seriously considered it as a career as an oboist myself - instead I chose medicine something that I have always semi-regretted, but when I hear of how awful the classical world is for women I’m kind of glad that I didn’t take that path. Misogyny continues to be an issue in medicine - but I feel we are further ahead with making a stand against this. Volume of women at the top etc etc. This will come for classical music too and because you and Cara and Amanda have spearheaded.
It takes real courage to stand up in a room full of men and tell them to behave.
Look after yourself.
Much love.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟕
Dear Katherine,
I’ve been following this story with much interest as I am one of {REDACTED} concertmasters in {REDACTED} Orchestra. Of course I’m the only female concertmaster. The world might end if there were more than one of us.
I wanted to thank you for your courage and your dedication to this cause. I have felt so alone for so long and in the past few years, have seriously considered quitting my job. There are too many stories to tell including being raped in another orchestra by another member and having {REDACTED DISGRACED SWISS CONDUCTOR} ram his tongue down my throat but I’ll just leave you with one incident. A few years ago I was so depressed by the incidents I’d experienced over about {REDACTED} years that I put together a {REDACTED} page document detailing my experiences and took it to HR. The not so big or fancy man who heads up the department agreed with me that what I’d experienced was sexist, racist (I’m {REDACTED}) and even {REDACTED--had to remove a very bad but revealing detail} but orchestral culture was difficult to change so he sent me for mindfulness meditation lessons. You can’t make this shit up.
Anyhoo, thanks for all you do. It is far reaching and I’m sure it’s making some BFM a teeny bit uncomfortable which trust me, I’m revelling in. You give us all hope.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟖
Dear Reine de la Salete,
When I met my husband, I was a tenured member of Redacted Big Fancy Orchestra. He spirited me away to Small City Redacted. I became Redacted Major Principal of a few small town Redacted Orchestras. I was a finalist for Redacted Major Principal for one Big and one somewhat smaller Fancy Orchestras in my Redacted state. I subbed for Redacted Big Fancy Orchestra. We had kids. I was directly recruited for, won the position and received tenure for Redacted Major Principal of Redacted Podunk Symphony in the town where we live. After a few years, Redacted was no longer Podunk, and two of my orchestras, including Redacted received reviews comparing them favorably to major orchestras. Deep Breath.
Redacted Symphony hired a Music Director (henceforth referred to as Perv) in a Joint search with Redacted State University. After a top management shuffle, Perv began badgering me to drink alcohol alone with him at his house. When his wife was out of town. I didn't and when I told him I wasn't comfortable with that, he began to retaliate. Then he moved to two blocks from our house. The new ED kept feminizing my title publicly.When I politely objected, she reprimanded me.
A few years later, some male Redacted action that met 2015 FBI definition of sexual assault backstage. This happened every year or so. I couldn't figure out who it was. The actions escalated . When it was obvious it was Perv, extreme retaliation against me ensued. Major character defamation.Redacted Symphony members stood behind me until Perv did it again and I reported him. Management pretended to agree to keep him 3 feet away from me in order to try to trick me into signing an NDA. I refused to sign the NDA. Then the big guns came out. The lies and defamation escalated. They hired a "Magician" You can guess the rest. Perv is still working there.I will need treatment for PTSD probably for the rest of my life. The risk of stress related illness goes up as long as I continue to live in Redacted. And Redacted is where my family lives.My goal is to find Perv's other victims and out him.I'm surmising that since you have may name you can probably figure out who Perv is. If not, I'll name names another day.
Now I am going to have a good sipping whisky and maybe apply for a job. Thank you for reading and for the support you are showing to survivors
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟗
Katherine, I used to work at {REDACTED} and remember when Amanda was hired by the NYP. I am stunned but not surprised by the beasts in the NYP but am wondering if Joe Alessi came to her defense? If Donald Trump can be found guilty of rape after 28 years so can these 2 musicians. We should demonstrate at the NYP Stage Door every night until everyone is held accountable. I will not attend another concert until all of these rapists are fired and have to pay for their crimes. We women have such a long way to go. Thank you for your voice.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟎
hi Katherine, I am so incredibly grateful for all of your posts. I'm not in the classical music world - I write musicals and used to focus on songwriting. I worked with many jazz musicians over the years, and I have a strong feeling that these issues affect women in the very male-dominated jazz communities too. This is a story about Australia, where I grew up. An Australian jazz musician friend (I won't mention his name) shared that he'd once seen a pianist named {REDACTED} kissing a young, female student. Later on that student - who was apparently an incredibly promising jazz guitarist - committed suicide. My friend assumed that these events were related, and I have to believe that he's telling me the truth. He told me in confidence, but {REDACTED} continues to be revered in the Australian music community as a "God" of jazz. I feel vengeful on behalf of the young musician who killed herself after this abuse of power, so I thought I'd write to you and share the story. Please don't publish my name, and I don't know if you want to veer into the jazz world of Australia in any case.. I just wanted you to know how grateful I am for your voice in speaking up about all this. Now as a composer in the world of musical theater, I strive to just keep going and creating new music (by a woman) in the hopes that things might be a little bit easier for the next generations.. Thanks again,
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟏
Thank you for all you are doing! I’m sharing and discussing with people in the UK. Unsure of the situation here as I chose not to go down the orchestra route as a musician, but I would expect it is similar here, sadly.
In Welsh Queen of Filth is “Brenhines y Cachu”!
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟐
It is, thanks. When I first graduated from Eastman I worked in the back office of the Seattle Symphony. One of my jobs was to drive guest artists and conductors around town for rehearsals, concerts, errands, etc. Many insisted that I needed to go with them to their hotel room, which creeped me out after the first was hard to wrestle off. So I learned to stay in the car, but that isn’t safe either. These two wouldn’t take no for an answer, {REDACTED who has been featured many times in events which marginalize women quite extremely} and
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟑
Dear Katherine,
Just following your posts the last days. Thank you for being brave, clear, for insisting and all of that!!
Did you hear about this:
https://thesirenscollective.com
Warm greetings from Germany
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟒
Here is another story for you.
We had an oboe teacher at University of {REDACTED} who extorted sex from his female teaching assistants. He wound up killing himself in his own garage by asphyxiation when the one of the teaching assistants who graduated wound up bringing a lawsuit against him. This lawsuit wound up making national news so he really was formally disgraced.
Then there was {REDACTED#2}.{REDACTED#2}slept with virtually ALL of his female teaching assistants. And those were the ones that got to do solos with orchestra. I made the mistake of complaining about it to my then teacher, {REDACTED#3}. I was thoroughly rebuked. AND he actually TOLD {REDACTED#2} that I had reported him. I wound up having an unpleasant phone conversation with {REDACTED#2} after that. I was made to feel like a meddlesome gossip and it was insinuated that I had ulterior motives for reporting him. Nothing could have been further from the truth. I told them I was concerned about the women. They both said it was none of my business, that these women were adults and that if anyone should complain about it it would be one of them. The women that were getting trapped into sleeping with him, though, were all {REDACTED.} Furthermore, none of them spoke English well.{REDACTED#3} only cared about getting tenure. Turning me in was a feather in his cap. It just really sickened me.
Also, BTW, many of {REDACTED#3}'s piano students wound up getting injured. In his early days at {REDACTED UNIVERSITY}he used to encourage a lot of what we call "key bedding." Somehow he considered it more musical to disregard the limitations of the instrument and to violently throw yourself at it. Because of some unfortunate early instruction I had had as a high school student, this was particularly dangerous for me and I wound up with focal dystonia.
I think this is also relevant because I have heard many stories of women being told they were suffering from hysteria when, in fact, they were suffering from poor technical guidance.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟓
There is likely going to be another article from Oregon ArtsWatch this week with more in-depth reporting on OBF’s utter incompetence.
https://www.opb.org/.../oregon-bach-festival-firing.../...
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟔
Katherine, I can't thank you enough. This is my letter to Colleen after you posted her article, which I am posting on my own feed. You are welcome to use my words any way they would help your advocacy.
Dear Colleen,
Thank you for your beautiful article. I found it in my facebook feed from Katherine Needleman's re-post.
I'm a 67-year-old violist who has been struggling with words to express more than outrage at the sad state of our world, now focused on our beloved art, now finally with receipts and documentation.
My career was mostly spent in an outlier orchestra in which women have held power positions. (Though glaringly in the light of the current debacle, not in the brass or bass sections.) The men who practiced overt ugly shaming of colleagues (and in one case I know of, physically crossed boundaries) have all aged out of our ranks, and our squabbles have been more generally tainted by power dynamics devoid of sexual content. The wolves have not found a welcoming environment, largely because several highly powerful positions are occupied by women. And the men who are with us share our moral code.
But the top-down, binary power structure that has defined most of human civilization is a keystone in the orchestra world, from our early training through the audition process all the way to so many of our work places. The slogging work of removing the abuse of power from our interactions requires awareness and willingness from all of us.
And yet. I despair of ever climbing out of the sadness that has engulfed me since November 8, 2016, when we as a country abandoned any pretense of collective goals. My capacity for engagement has been wrung dry along with my poor sick heart. So thank you for your advocacy. Our world depends on it.
Yours in solidarity,
Patty Heller
Violist, San Francisco Opera Orchestra
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟕
If I were employed by the New York Phil. If it happens that these two guys come back to work, I would refuse to play! Together you are strong! Make your voice heard and make a change, it's not too late.
Stand up for Cara!
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟖
Hi Katherine,
I can't thank you enough for your advocacy.
As a singer, voice teacher, and author unaffiliated with with opera companies or academe (i.e. I don't have as much to lose) I have done my best to support women who do stand to lose a great deal when they speak up. As we all know, despite some #MeToo lip service, the opera world also remains firmly in the grip of the BFMs and their apologists. To them, the entitlement to treat women like this is simply an unquestioned given.
This is in part because AGMA remains firmly in the grip of the BFMs and their apologists. https://www.musicalartists.org/new-york-city-ballet.../. Dancers Amar Ramasar and Zachary Catazaro had been suspended from NYCB for sharing sexually explicit texts and nude photos of women affiliated with the company and its ballet school. They were reinstated because AGMA was all “alas our hands are tied wE hAve No cHoiCe but to do what the arbitrator said," similar to what we are seeing with NY Phil.
Please. There is always a choice.
The NY Phil story continues to crescendo, thanks in part to your blistering posts, and I'd like to help in any way I can. I'm also in the process of revising my Singer's Audition & Career Handbook https://www.amazon.com/dp/1538109891 to scrub it from any “here is how to appeal to the gatekeepers” mentality and throw in a big dose of “here is what we all need to speak out about and why." I'd love to interview you for the revision, if you'd be willing to contribute.
Thanks again for everything you are doing. Feel free to include this & my name in your QoF digest.
best,
Claudia Friedlander
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟗
Hi Katherine, thanks for all of your posts finally exposing the shameful truths of our industry. I'm a young woman who has thankfully never been preyed upon, but I know many of my good friends and colleagues have not been so fortunate.
Recently, my alma mater, the {REDACTED CONSERVATORY IN NETHERLANDS}, was hit with a scandal of its own, when it became apparent that at least three teachers had been found to have had inappropriate relations with students. They were immediately let go. It became apparent that these events had occurred almost ten years ago, and that the institution which is near and dear to my heart was merely doing damage control. Sadly, even though these teachers were let go, the one accused of the most egregious acts still holds his post as {REDACTED} in the Royal Concertgebouw Orchestra, one of the most highly respected orchestras in Europe and, indeed, the world. Many of my friends as well as my teachers play there, and I love and respect their legacy, as well as the fact that there are a fair few female principals (including a principal flute, which is extremely rare, especially considering that the vast majority of flute students are female), but I find it sad that they were so fast to dismiss their former conductor for allegations (perhaps true, but never confirmed) made against him, but have been so silent when it comes to abuse of students by a prominent player, which definitely has been. My good friend, who was the whistleblower for this abuse, never let a word of it slip while she lived in this country. When she did, she was treated like a liar and a drama queen. It is utterly heartbreaking.
This is just one of many, many, many stories that I know of from my inner circle, which, at {REDACTED} years old, is not as large as it will be in the future. It breaks my heart and I'm glad that there are people bringing attention to it. The music industry is far from all glitz and glamour.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟐𝟎
Yeah, I know all about message 7 and others he mistreated. I have to warn students. He also worked to get me removed from sub lists after doing this (And way more, documented in a title IX complaint) to me then gf and now wife. He was my teacher. He made it clear this was how things were supposed to work and that there was something wrong with her for not taking him up on his advances. He was {READACTED FANCY BRASS WOMAN]’s teacher at one point as well. Yeah, there’s more too. He had a falling out with another tuba “artist” at a conference because the other artist slept with an accompanist that /he/ felt entitled to. Like he painted this picture of an incredibly sexually entitled world that he and others inhabit in which women wouldn’t bother to show up to conferences if there weren’t looking to be used in this way. That is unless they were “lesbians”. He’s still teaching. He has daughters. He didn’t seem to be alone in this mindset. The title IX office was only interested in limiting university liability. I switched to chemical engineering but still work in the arts. I was later told, by the head band director, that I should just take him out for coffee and put it behind us.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟐𝟏
Hi Katherine,
Wanted to say I’m super grateful for what you’re doing to make the music world a better and safer place for women.
I wanted to share my story, as I was very wronged by an institution that swept a flute professor’s indiscretions under the rug.
I left my home/family and a lovely job selling flutes at a local music store to move to California to study at CSU Long Beach with {REDACTED}. During my audition, which was hosted by him and his two adjunct professors- one male and one female, he accepted me on the spot. When I went to leave the audition room he hugged me, which felt premature as no other professor had done that in any of my other auditions- this is important later.Fast forward to the Spring semester when I transferred to the university. I began my private lessons with him, knowing full well, that I was not the top student in the studio, but definitely willing to put in the work to play my best.
{REDACTED} kissed me on the cheek as a greeting at the beginning and end of each lesson that entire semester. I always froze and told myself he probably did it to everyone. I took a couple lessons with him during the Summer and at the beginning and end of one lesson he tried to kiss me on the lips (both times). I panicked, canceled our next lesson, and spoke to the female adjunct professor and told her everything. She supported me and said he would make perverted comments to her about her feet. She said she noticed how I was surprised when he hugged me and could see there being a problem. She reported the incident to {REDACTED}, the dean of the school of music.
He called me in, asked if I was OK and if I wanted to report it. At the time, I didn’t feel like I could without receiving some sort of retaliation. He told the department of Equity and Diversity about it and they called him in and told him he should only high five his students.
Please bare in mind this professor was 70 years old and had been teaching at that school for 35+ years, and every semester there is a sexual misconduct class they must take….
Fast forward to the Summer after all of that… I had taken lessons with him for the entire year, in which he was aloof and lacked any motivation to help me. I decided to study with some other teachers to see if I could receive the guidance I needed. I met a lovely teacher who has quite a successful private studio.
A former student from Cal State Long Beach knew what I was going through, and shared with me that when he was at the school, since he had transferred, he had enough lesson credits to still get a performance degree, but study with someone else outside of the college, out of his own pocket. I presented the idea with Johannes Mueller Stosch and he approved it. The day fall term began, all three flute teachers were alerted to my plan, and {REDACTED} convinced {REDACTED} to retract our agreement. I met with {REDACTED} to ask why, and he told me if people found out about what I was doing it would be very bad for the school…
I also spoke to the assistant director of bands (now director of bands), {REDACTED} and told him how I had been having a very poor experience since I had transferred there. I explained to him that I had left my family, that I was paying out of state tuition and going into extreme debt for a program that was doing anything for me, except getting me kissed by my teacher. He told me I should have researched the school better before deciding to attend.
I then submitted a formal complaint to the school, they investigated and said my complaint was invalid because they had a talk with him the year prior. In his comments, {REDACTED} said he kissed me because he comes from a strong Italian background and because I was a late bloomer with flute her felt sorry for me. However, if the school had investigated it properly, they would have found that his greetings were selective, as I asked several students- male and female- if he kissed them hello/goodbye and they said he did not. Sadly, when the female adjunct professor found out I filed a complaint, she told a close colleague that I never told her about {REDACTED} kissing me, and that I exaggerated. As a result, I changed my major to a BA in Music and studied privately with the teacher I had come across that summer. I wanted the performance degree but wasn’t willing to study with any of the professors at CSU Long Beach.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟐𝟐
Thank you for what you are doing to bring these situations to the forefront. Years ago, I had a conductor of a youth orchestra (and a BFM of his orchestra) tell me I was only there to make the bassoon section better to look at-that as a real confidence booster. Then in graduate school at New England Conservatory, I had a conductor rub my back (not just a pat but a full rub down ) while talking to me about whatever we were playing. That BFM still conducts in the Boston area and I wouldn’t play under him again under any circumstance. Women have put up with this for way too long. It has never been and will never be right and too many people used to make excuses for these BFM. Not anymore! Thank you, thank you and thank you for what you are doing.
*******************************************************************************************************************************************
April 24, 2024
𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 #𝟒
𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔
𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐'𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘢𝘮, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘣𝘰𝘹 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘎𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘯𝘦𝘸𝘴: 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘦𝘳!
𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘫𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 (𝘥𝘶𝘩, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘴𝘰.) 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦, 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩. 𝘎𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘧𝘧 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘶𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘩, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘭𝘵, 𝘸𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘺.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏
Afternoon!
I know we’ve never spoken,,, but I want to thank you for continuing to post about the discrimination women have gotten AND continue to get. I was told 40 years ago by a member of the New York Philharmonic when I declined his advances,,,, that he would personally make sure that I never was able to work in NYC,, he is no longer in the Orchestra,,,,, but that moment has stayed with me forever. I am angry and devastated that the women in the Phil did nothing, and if they did do something,,, obviously it wasn’t enough. We all have stories to tell,,, it’s amazing that the “Men’s Club” still is so strong,,! Keep writing!
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟐
Hi Katherine, I just wanted to send a quick note of thanks for all of your hard work and reporting. All of this news has been sickening... even if it's not really news. I'm lucky that I always had extremely supportive teachers including one who many many years ago barred me from applying to Manhattan School of Music because the teacher was a "creep" and heavily advised that I stay as far away from him as possible. I don't think he knew the full extent of what happened yet but I am still so thankful. I recently got tenure but it was not an easy process. It bothers me so deeply that anyone wouldn't be able to see how something like what happened to Cara and Amanda could happen. The real reason I wanted to message you right now though is related to your most recent posts: I quickly wanted to back up what many others have said about {REDACTED}. It is true. He said these things about someone I knew personally and was banned from campus for it. I remember it being beyond just the slurs and screenshots though which were already bad enough.. He insinuated that she didn't deserve to be at {REDACTED BFMS} in the first place. It was horrific. I can't imagine it wouldn't affect her confidence even today even if she didn't want it to. I think that's what maybe some people conveniently overlook... when you're constantly doubting whether or not you belong it affects your ability to do your best. I think about this a lot. When he took his post in Calgary I was shocked because this was all well known. I thought, wow I guess they don't care. It wasn't just a one-time thing either. He was part of a unofficial group of students that was obsessed with preserving the "culture" and "history" of {REDACTED BFMS} with extremely racist and sexist undertones. Of course, when your teachers all look like their teachers and their teacher's teachers and you perform only music by people who looked like that etc and are told on repeat about how almost sacred the school and its "lineage" are, this can be a result. I'm not saying this to excuse {REDACTED even 1%. I still am absolutely disgusted by what happened and believe firmly that he deserved to be banned from the school. But he was just saying loudly and more firmly what perhaps more people feel deep inside which I find disturbing as well. I'm so sorry that he, the bfm oboist, and others are coming after you. But unfortunately I can't say I'm too surprised. Thank you again for everything you do!!
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟑
I am a filmmaker working on my second film script. I wanted to tell the story of how my friend was groped by {REDACTED FORMER PRESIDENT}, and all the men who saw it, laughed and cheered. She was told by her boss to never say anything or risk losing her job and be blacklisted from ever working again.
I left the world of symphonies as a cellist and a conductor because I could not lower my standards any further. After reading our shared experiences, I have new inspiration for my next film. Thank you. For everything. Thank you. - Noelle De Atley
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟒
I was sexually assaulted 29 years ago by a trombone student at our school - Manhattan School of Music. Went through arbitration. He admitted it - after much initial arguing during the meeting. He was ordered to give several “lectures” on sexual assault to his residence hall where he was an R.A. (They let him stay an R.A.!!!) and he had to stay away from me and we were told not to talk about it again. Of course when I graduated from the school and he was still there, he lied and told people it was all BS. For one of his auditions for placement in the orchestra he took his pants off and played that way behind the screen and all his friends thought he was so cool for it. Ridiculous! Now I see he’s starting a music festival for kids and has 4,000 followers. Disgusting. However, it’s been 29 years and I feel like there’s nothing I can do. I also don’t want to relive this terrible experience in public. It’s very embarrassing.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟓
These questions are all so important, and followed by so much silence. When I was sexually assaulted by a cellist who now plays in the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra, he decided to hire a lawyer against me. The women in my life FIERCELY protected me, stood up for me, and helped me heal. The men that were there that evening that knew what happened - including one of my best friends at the time who I showed pictures of my bruised chest to - said nothing. Not a single word. I think some banded together and even said "oh I don't even know her. That couldn't have happened.”After I was assaulted, I had purple and blue bruises all over my chest. Went to a police officer at the college I was going to (Oberlin College), and they said they couldn't do anything since he didn't rape me. And I only wasn't raped because I was sober enough to get away after he had pulled my hair forceably giving him oral sex. So not only was barely anything done (I got a restraining order. And his college was Cleveland Institute of Music, miles away, so that basically did nothing), but his career and life thrived after that. Even with the picture I sent to the Deans of our schools, he still hired that lawyer, and the men around me and him were still silent - if anything protecting him. They may have stood up for me, but I didn't hear any word of that. All I knew was that I got a lousy restraining order, a month of healing from bruises, and rejection letters from grad school auditions. —Sara Lam
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟔
When I got a university position, I was offered way less money on my salary than my husband’s salary at the same university, in the same department, for the exact same title/position/contract details. He had a BFM titled position in an orchestra and I very actively freelanced with BFO’s, so I went in and stated my case that I should make the same amount of money for the same amount of work. I said that I knew a BFM title is good for recruiting, but that a name shouldn’t make that much more money than his spouse for the exact same job. Thankfully, it was a woman I was speaking with and she immediately recognized the idiocy of it and agreed, making our salaries the same. But who knows how many other women at that (or any) university are making way less than their male peers and don’t even know it?
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟕
I yelled at {REDACTED DEAD BFM OF ENGLISH HORN} by the fountain in front of Avery Fisher; he yelled back and told me not to be a fool. This was 1982 or '83, he'd canceled his lessons at {REDACTED NY MUSIC SCHOOL} that day to take me to a hotel. This was the week after he'd taken me out drinking and got me out of my clothes. I know I drank too much but I had no intention of getting naked with my major teacher. I then knew why he'd take me as a student at {OTHER REDACTED NY MUSIC SCHOOL} I knew why one student had left, and I knew or feared that the complaints of a "disgruntled" student would be dismissed by school administration.
I'm glad the tide has turned! What did I do about it? At first I cowered in fear. Some years later with the help of a professional I started to see how wrong his behavior was and I began to speak freely about it with others in the music world. It wasn't really comforting to learn that his behavior was well known. Some of our colleagues didn't want to know about it or hear about it. At times I was brief but I was always frank. Some years later when I finally began to coach with {REDACTED OTHER TEACHER}, I said enough to have her full understanding without needing to spend my lesson time on him. When I read of his passing I thought of my favorite line from A Chorus Line: I reached right down to the bottom of my soul ... and I felt ... nothing. --{REDACTED MAN'S NAME}
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟖
This was me: Wait, {REDACTED BFM CONDUCTOR} AND {SAME DEAD BFM OF ENGLISH FROM THE MESSAGE ABOVE} couldn't keep their hands off you? In Seattle? Was {SAME DEAD BFM OF ENGLISH FROM THE MESSAGE ABOVE} there? I thought {SAME DEAD BFM OF ENGLISH FROM THE MESSAGE ABOVE} was only into young boys…
And this is she: {SAME DEAD BFM OF ENGLISH FROM THE MESSAGE ABOVE} prefers young boys, but when there aren’t any around anyone will do, I guess. These two weren’t at the same time. TS did a master class during my senior year at Eastman. I was in Seattle for 3 years until {REDACTED BFM CONDUCTOR} got the {REDACTED} job and I couldn’t stomach it anymore. Yes, absolutely. It isn’t just the women in the orchestra that they feel entitled to.
This is me again: Please note that this {SAME DEAD BFM OF ENGLISH FROM THE MESSAGE ABOVE} is also an honorary member of the International Double Reed Society.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟗
Hi Katherine, thank you what you do. One good news, Taipei Music Academy & Festival got rid of a$$**** {REDACTED} and hired another oboe teacher
https://www.taipeimaf.com/faculty/
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟎
Katherine, thank you for creating a safe place for women to speak. Thank you for creating a space that demands change! I was a lifer in The US {REDACTED} Band in Washington D.C. I won an audition for the group when I was 22 and had just graduated from college. There were very few women in the band when I joined in 1987 and there were very few people under 30. It was a difficult time to be a young woman in such an organization. I grew up thinking that women could work anywhere and be whatever they wanted to be. It was soooo not that way in this group. Women were either leered at, gossiped about, hit on or just ignored when the guys were sharing the stories of sexual exploits while waiting for a performance to start. As the years went on, Congress mandated training sexual harassment/discrimination/gender bias training for all military units, including the musical units. Briefly there was some discussion and I remember taking the mic at a unit wide meeting to point out what I thought were dangerous and hostile comments that could lead to outright abuse. I was probably 26 at the time. I was instantly labeled TROUBLE. People tended to stay in that organization for an entire career. If you get labeled as a problem early on, promotions were withheld. That means not earning as much money as someone else. Promotions and the promise of them were arbitrary and the rules changed all the time. At one point, I had been the principal flute player for 10 years and a BFM who went to Curtis and was therefore much better than me was promoted ahead of me. In order to justify his promotion, they gave him, a clarinet player, a title that I had been designated for. He became the High Woodwind Group Leader. The flutes were moved into the low woodwind category to justify this move. I went to speak with conductor/commander about this and got the usual brush off. I spent my career in {REDACTED} being a high achiever. I was a regular soloist at high profile concerts. I led chamber music concerts; I organized outreach and publicity events. I went to a master fitness course where I was the honor graduate so I could lead my physically challenged colleagues to passing scores on their physical fitness tests, required to keep the job. Moving along... Men in our group thought nothing of dropping their pants to change out of uniforms after ceremonies or concerts. They would do this on our buses where we were jammed together in close proximity and often with only 3-5 women in a group of 35-40 men. Some of the women complained about this to me and asked if I would ensure there would be adequate changing facilities on a trip we took to Philly for the 4th of July. I worked it out with the producer. It was a short walk across a park to beautiful locker rooms used by National Park employees. After our ceremony before our drive back to D.C. everyone wanted to change but the guys following our Colonel's lead didn’t want to walk to the locker rooms so many of them dropped their sweaty pants and pushed their asses in our face while they changed on the bus. I stood up and asked them to stop and they did not. When we returned to D.C. I wanted to file a complaint but the other women on the bus, who had asked me to do something about this often-repeated situation, told me they would not sign a complaint. Moving along...Our band was invited to be part of an epic military exchange with the Chinese government. We were invited to perform as their guests in several cities as part of a 14-day tour. I was part of a team that helped coordinate cultural exchanges with our hosts. After a concert in Shanghai, we were returning to our hotel and I was asked to deliver some news about a cultural exchange we were all expected to participate in the next day. It was not popular because some felt entitled to some time off and it was a change in the schedule. Another BFM from the band, also a Curtis grad and brass player, stood up and charged at me on the bus while shouting profanity about this message I was delivering. People actually screamed in fear when he did this. I dropped everything I was holding and instinctively hid behind the seat of the bus. I thought for sure he was going to physically assault me. There were mostly men on the bus including Curtis clarinet guy with the promotion. No one said anything to raging Curtis brass guy. After the initial shock and stunned silence, people just carried on. I was reduced to shock and eventually grief and tears that would not stop. I could not believe that our organization would carry on like this was normal behavior. I pushed for some sort of action to be taken that would at the very least show support for me and for what is right and what is wrong. People who were not on the bus asked those that were about the incident. Curtis Clarinet guy, said "oh, it wasn't a big deal." A woman on the bus told others she thought he was going to hurt me and she was afraid. One other friend of raging Curits grad said he couldn't believe that none of them grabbed him and told him shut up and sit down. There were still 5 more days to our tour and people moved away from me every time I entered a room. I became the problem. There was even a joking reenactment of the event on the last day from the back of the bus. I could no longer stay in this workplace. I had 26 years in and could have stayed another 10. I didn't know what I was going to do, but my husband and I decided that enough is enough and we would leave the DC area and the miltary band ( my husband was also in the band but not on the tour) that had been our only music position for most of our adult lives, The last month of my job with {REDACTED}, there was a presidentially mandated all day training session for the military on sexual harassment, gender discrimination and diversity. Our boss, the guy that liked to drop his pants on the bus, told our unit that these were problems only known to the corporate world and possibly academia. He basically dared me to say anything in front of the group by saying that we had all heard enough from the older women in the group and now it was time to hear from the younger generation. I was furious and went to the IG after this presentation. They began an investigation of his leadership and conduct. He must have assumed it was me, so the last act involved him jumping through many hoops to have a retirement award I had already been presented with, revoked. If I had retired with the award, it would have given me some credibility if I had chosen to go to the media or a congress person or senator. By revoking the award, it made me look as though I did not have credibility. Moving along... It has been 10 years of too much rumination about what I could have done differently, a lot of depression over it all and a feeling of powerlessness. Reading your posts has been triggering, but also cathartic. I don't know what the answer is, but I do believe it starts with women hearing each other and standing together as much as is humanly possible. Nobody can change this when they are only one voice against institutionalized misogyny. Thank you for bringing so many voices together.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟏
In 1991 I was first chair trombone in the California state high school honor band. It is very unusual for more than one girl to be in that band of 20, but there were 3 of us. After the concert, Dave Eshelman came up to me and recommended I come to his school, Cal State Hayward (now East Bay.) He remembered me from a jazz festival where I had taken an improv solo during the sight reading portion that he was adjudicating. I had already been gigging in a trad jazz. group for a while. I wasn't sure, so I went to junior college. Toward the end of my first year at the junior college Dave called my house (pre cell phone) and offered me a scholarship to transfer. I did. When I got into the top band, the guys in it, many of whom were in their 30's (I was 18) told me I only got into the top band because Dave wanted to sleep with me and that he had left his last job because of an affair with a student. I didn't believe it but felt shunned by these guys who gigged outside of school and never invited me. Except for the guys who wanted to date me, but they didn't invite me to gig either, only on dates. In my second year I found out that Dave, married and my parents' age, did indeed have a habit of grooming and propositioning female students. I quit the jazz groups (he taught them all) and finished my degree just in the non jazz groups. The crazy thing is I still said good things about him! 20 years later I wrote my blog about the experience without naming him or saying exactly why I quit, and I heard from more women. None of them wants to give their names. He has a big band, and he employs women which is so rare in big bands that he seems like an ally. Recently I started posting very boldly about him and got blocked by a woman in his band. Also recently a guy from the program (who asked me out back then) apologized and said he has learned a lot about sexism and that I was right that we were dismissed as musicians. A couple years ago I told a man this story and when I got to the part about Dave propositioning his students he said "So the guys were right about why you got in the top band!" NO! I DESERVED TO BE THERE! I basically gave up on a performance career and just keep in shape for my students. Had one good jazz gig for 2 1/2 years right before the pandemic where the all male (but me) group kicked me out for separating from my husband (their friend) and going on a date with someone else. - Rae Rae Messenger
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟐
Dear Katherine,
I hope you are taking care- I know you get a lot of messages, and a good number of them are just straight up crap. I also know you get a lot of heart breaking messages too.
Thank you for your advocacy. Your writing is direct, thoughtful, and timely. You are fearless. I love it. So many of us do and are cheering you on.
My sexual harassment case was public and similar to yours. I was in college when it happened. I left classical music but never forgot what I went through, the BFM who did this to me, the institution that stood by him, and the people who stood on the sidelines.
I’m currently wrapping up my first year of law school. Like many other women, what I went through profoundly changed me. It is ultimately what has led me to pursing a career in law. I want to be for other women the attorney I was lucky to find when I needed help.
For any of your readers who want to leave classical music but are scared- I hope my story can help them take a step towards a new chapter. Classical music was a central part of my identity for so long, and for worse. Leaving it and then re-engaging it on my own terms was what I needed and I have no regrets.
Thank you for being part of the sorely needed change in classical music. You are a star- in so many ways. Keep shining bright.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟑
In {REDACTED,} I joined the {REDACTED MILITARY} Band in DC - I’m a {REDACTED} - at the age of 22. In 2004, the principal {REDACTED} t took me into his hotel room and kissed me and grabbed my butt. I had given him no indication that I had interest in him. I was so disillusioned by it. I trusted him, and didn’t listen when others would say things that were negative about him. It turned out he’d done the same thing to the other female member of my section the year before. She ended up being kicked out of the {REDACTED MILITARY} for alcoholism. The principal player was removed from number of leadership roles after this came to light but it was determined to be “he said she said” even though there were two women here with the same story. He was still allowed to be principal. And I got in trouble for sharing the story with others. He got to stay in another 7 years until military retirement and teaches {REDACTED} at a university. I went to his university for a clinic several years after he retired from the band, and he tried to get me to come and have sex with him in his office.
In 2002, the principal {OTHER INSTRUMENT} kissed me in his hotel room. I ended up having a brief affair with him, but the kiss wasn’t something I wanted. I was young and confused by the attention.
In 2016, an officer who had been fired from his job at the band wrote me over Facebook to give me some travel tips in Hawaii where I was vacationing with my husband and kids. But over the messages, he started talking about sex and finally over many years of sporadic messages, said he wanted to sleep with me.
Just last week, a student of my dad’s (he was a band director) made sexual innuendos to me over Facebook messenger.
It makes me wonder what I have done that makes men feel like I am an easy person to be inappropriate with.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟒
Dear Katherine, keep up the good work. I was having trouble keeping track of it all, so I made a map: https://www.datawrapper.de/_/Ywhht/
(also on Bay Area Music Fans with a demonstration video: https://www.facebook.com/bayareamusicfans/posts/pfbid0rdU6gpShZGRdrFevED8NKYDGCeExmvaeghcdwvuEN8Ebspz6wz9Hdh3wcTkHRMHsl?__cft__[0]=AZWdt--G60Ax05jZ98vt1FL_F_5J37DiB_5ZD3-8c1Bu2nkziO0KzYYN8LukGhoYgjy0UWOgEtvkV1AGWeAw1Q2JJ-YxmT3pT92Ls9sRIcWt-jr4AWlUyFAw--AUmbMiVMqr6hwx7ovlivt-f-JVcM-3N0Vu65_B0ra0Z9MU5wjW-Km_J88fc8bLI3Zqcm2i8KzNZ8uS977e08NVh2OnQdO0KpTtBzCBduteGTJO36Hgww&__tn__=%2CO%2CP-R)
Please take care of yourself, I can't imagine the amount of energy and clarity that's necessary to sustain work like this.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟓
Have been following as a supporter of classical music. I saw the New York Philharmonic for the first time 2 weeks ago when my child’s high school band played Carnegie Hall- we spent a long weekend in NYC. I loved the NY Phil performance which highlighted “the best trombonist in the world”. I feel absolutely duped. We took all those kids to the show and then this story emerges. I even bought a “hunky brute” tshirt for my child. We thought it was in reference to Bernsteins high standards on the PODIUM- that’s what the gift shop/stand lady said. Didn’t realize it reflected the brass section and their misogyny. I was naive (and I’m a survivor).
My child intends to pursue music for her career. We’re having some very difficult conversations about the culture she will be navigating.
Do you want the despicable tshirt? Ugh. —Bonnie Kandel
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟔
Katherine. I just want to say I am not a BFM I’m just a local high school/middle school band director in Ironton, OH. You’ve never heard of this place, it’s okay it’s in Southern Ohio no one cares about us. I have made an attempt on all my social media platforms including group I am a part of to share the article. One particular group called “I Am Choir Director” with over 28k members has individuals in admin actively working to not allow me to even post the article for discussion. Even though I am not in the business I feel that this directly relates to my field. I personally know of previous directors in the county that I work in (this is in the 90’s I’m only 33) that have sexually assaulted students and gotten away with it. If rape, sexual assault, and misogyny exists in my little part of the world and it can be so easily covered up what about other places? Anyway I guess I’m just letting you know and others that I see what is happening and I don’t think it’s right. Have a great day Katherine. If you ever get the QOF shirts please include child sizes I have four smart nieces.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟕
I so wish I could comment on Facebook. But, I am currently involved in legal action myself against same situation. Also a female brass player. We have to be survivors! Thank you & God bless you
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟖
Big Fancy Conductor Man made sexually harassing comments to my friends while studying with his spouse, to the point that they’d rather wait before and after lessons outside in the pouring rain than be alone in a room with him. We were 14.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟗
Dear Katherine, I've been following your efforts with great admiration and appreciation. I really think that your dissemination of The Article has directly affected our national discourse and will acheive results that may not otherwise have happened. I've been sitting with some screenshots that were shared with me last week that in light of recent events I thought you should see. The woman in the correspondence did publicly share these on her Facebook and is apparently being harassed legally by one of the Very BFMs on your page. As such my source doesn't want to be identified in association with this, nor do I. I don't know if this material can be of any use to you, but if you haven't seen it yet, I thought you should. Thank you again for all you are doing to elevate this community and I'm sorry for the harassment you are predictably enduring.
*******************************************************************************************************************************************
April 26, 2024
𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 #𝟓
𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏
Dear Katherine,
Your statement, “I am a privileged woman because I have not been raped” really screamed at me.
My stories are tame compared to so many of those you’ve highlighted, yet I want to share them anyway, if only to show how “fortunate” I’ve been compared to what could have been. (I won’t mention the “date rape”—oh, how I loathe that term—from a trumpet playing boyfriend when I was 14. That’s another story that I’ll probably never be able to tell.)
When I was a 16-year-old senior in high school I was approached by the BFM violin faculty member at {REDACTED well-known music school}, saying he’d enjoyed hearing my all-state orchestra chair audition and wanted me to audition for his studio at {REDACTED}. He suggested he come to my hotel room to hear me play. I innocently said okay. However, when he showed up, he clearly wasn’t expecting two of my friends to be in the room with me! He had no choice but to listen to me play and then leave. I don’t recall if he gave me a scholarship but I did not go to {REDACTED}.
A couple of years later, when I was 19 I attended an orchestra party after a {REDACTED Regional Orchestra} concert at the principal trumpet’s house. (His wife was my stand partner in the orchestra.) I left around midnight and drove home to my apartment that I’d just moved into a few weeks prior. I lived alone with my cat. A few minutes after I got home there was a knock on my door. I peeked through the peephole and then dropped to my knees in fear. The second trumpet player had apparently followed me home from the party. I was terrified and called my BFF asking what I should do. Her response: call his wife! I did not, but should have. What a creep. Years later I ran into him at a trumpet conference (I married a prince of a trumpet player) and he approached me to give me a big hug, like a long lost friend. I wish I’d had the courage to tell him off, but I was civil. No hug, though.
Anyway, thank you, THANK YOU for giving a voice to so many women whose stories must be heard, believed, and changed for future generations.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟐
Hi Katherine,
I first of all want to take a moment to thank you for everything you have been doing to uncover and expose the harsh and ugly truths of behavior that happen in the classical music industry.
I’m writing to you with a story about {REDACTED BFM OF OBOE} in hopes that the platform you’ve built can be a resource to help my orchestra.
I’m a musician in the {REDACTED NORTH AMERICAN ORCHESTRA}. I believe it is known by many {REDACTED NAO} musicians that in 2019, {REDACTED BFM OF OBOE} sexually harassed an untenured woman in our orchestra. She was in her early {REDACTED}, he was over {REDACTED}. It started out with inappropriate messages on Facebook, then escalated to him physically touching her at work. He would frequently touch her waist/rub up against her in the lounge and stairwell. This was witnessed by several different people on multiple occasions, including myself. I’m assuming an investigation was made but it doesn’t seem like any witnesses in the case were ever interviewed. It’s unclear how things were resolved but both the Victim and {REDACTED BFM OF OBOE} still work here. I’ve asked the Victim for more details but she said she’s not allowed to talk about it, so I’m assuming she was asked to sign some kind of NDA and {REDACTED BFM OF OBOE} got a slap on the wrist.
{REDACTED BFM OF OBOE} is a known creep and his colleagues really struggle with him in a professional setting. People feel unsafe around him. In my opinion, he should have been fired long ago for his behaviour at {REDACTED NAO} and the fact that he remains a celebrated member of our orchestra and the music world at large, is sickening. He relies on his charm and oft-proclaimed status as a minority {REDACTED} and underdog {REDACTED} to disguise the fact that he is a predator with a long history of misogyny and abuse. The fact that he was so bold as to repeatedly inappropriately touch a fellow musician in front of our colleagues speaks to how accustomed he is to getting away with this type of behaviour. I look forward to the day when justice is served and he is no longer a member of our, or any, orchestra.
To be clear, this all occurred under the leadership of our former CEO, {REDACTED}. I truly believe/hope that our current CEO, {REDACTED} takes these matters much more seriously.
I also want to add that it seems clear to me that the recent messages {REDACTED BFM OF OBOE} leaked from {REDACTED} and {REDACTED} in their reference to you are just a tactic from him to distract the public’s attention away from him and his abhorrent behavior.
After seeing how things in the past have been “resolved” in this organization, I’m afraid that relying solely on an investigation from {REDACTED NAO} will end up in more disappointing results.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟑
It's hard for me to say, but as a former voice major at the {REDACTED MUSIC SCHOOL}, I watched these things happen. I was from a small town in {REDACTED} and, there was a voice teacher who groomed many young woman, including my best friend from HS. I was in his studio as well, but asked to be removed after the first semester, just telling people that I did not feel comfortable around him. I was granted my wish. Half way through our sophomore year (Christmastime) he took her to {REDACTED EUROPEAN CITY}, where he had told her she would become a world famous opera singer. She never told anyone, just never came home. I was interrogated by her parents, but I had no idea, just speculated what had happened. She finally came home three years later after having a baby and trying like hell to get away from him. He had taken her passport and everything else, and she found friends who finally helped her to leave. We are from a very tiny {REDACTED} town, so please don't mention this....people would know. Still, it was well known that some professors were highly inappropriate in {REDACTED}, and things were never taken care of.....but, I was kind of used to it as I had watched a number of band directors here in {REDACTED} have many affairs with their students. One actually married the girl after she graduated from {REDACTED UNIVERSITY}. I see you, I support you, and I'm in awe of what you are doing. I send you all the support I can. Take care.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟒
{REDACTED SCREENSHOT OF A SUPPORTIVE COMMENT BY A MAN ON ONE OF MY POSTS}
As to my most recent comment on your earlier post- I hope THIS is a man who has changed his ways because he is wanting to appear supportive but the hell he put me through as a young woman for 10 years in {REDACTED CITY} was pretty unbearable.
I hope he has thought about that time and is choosing to treat women better.
This man called contractors and told them I didn’t deserve gigs because he was more established and was the “person” in town.
He hired his male students to do paid master classes and never offered me pay for the same work. He once told a contractor for a commercial gig that I referred him for (I was contracted principal) that he would take the gig if he could instead play principal. Over 10 years I accumulated so many stories I think I have tried to forget most of them. All this to say- there are men out there who want to appear to be allies and actually are part of the bigger problem. Anyway, thank you for all you do. I am not as brave but reading your posts makes me feel like I could be.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟓
Hi! First of all I want to thank you for everything you are doing to spread awareness of this issue. When I first saw the article with the picture of Cara it hit me like a punch in the gut. My daughter is finishing her first year of college as a music major (double majoring in music education and psychology but asking to be treated like a performance major because she’s unsure of what she really wants to do) and she plays the French horn. She has told me several times over the years how male dominated the brass sections are everywhere she goes and plays, sometimes she might be the only female French horn. I even remember when we signed her up for an instrument in school how she was discouraged, originally she picked the flute but told me she really liked the French horn so I talked to the director and he told me, “she can but it’s the hardest instrument, it’s the most expensive” (and she’s a great student so it should’ve been, that’s great it will be a good challenge, no one else has signed up for it…) even when we went to purchase/rent, same thing, the man said “are you sure”? It’s the most difficult, have you ever played another instrument? And it’s the most expensive one… “ my thought at the time is, my daughter is signing up to play an instrument, I want her to play what she is most passionate about. (She is second chair her freshman year). She loves music, she loves marching and is marching with Phantom this summer (her dream) which leads me to my next comment. Second, the “bro shit” is definitely not dead, the Cavaliers are still marching an all male marching band, they get away with it by saying it was originally started from scouts I think but even the Boy Scouts allow girls now… but they are the “frat boy marching band” that doesn’t allow women and it bothers me that they have gas lit girls to believe that it’s ok just because it’s been that way forever. So again thank you you are paving the way for so many others right now.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟔
I was a very young undergraduate composer when I went to my first Big Fancy Summer Music Festival. One of a small number of women composers there amidst mostly men. There was an elderly BFM composer who was giving a masterclass. I wasn’t presenting but attended. I believe I was the only, or one of the only, women in the room. Even before the masterclass started, BFM was leering inappropriately at me, and I wanted to leave the room, but assumed it would stop once the class began. Oh, how wrong I was. He begins his talk by asking how he’s expected to teach with a “pretty little thing” like me in the room. And he doesn’t stop - he makes jokes for the entire rest of the masterclass about how this “pretty girl” is making him unable to concentrate, how I was “distracting”. “Sorry, I lost my train of thought, how can I think clearly with her sitting right there looking like that hahaha”. I wanted to sink into a hole in the floor. Nobody laughed at his “jokes”. But nobody said anything either - this room full of men. A colleague of mine - a young man, also a student - subtly moved his chair and body so that he was blocking me from BFM’s line of sight. I will always remember that small but meaningful gesture.
I left the room quickly when it was over - I just wanted to get out and away. Close at my heels was the BFM Director of the Festival (who, yes, had been in the room!). He begins with “I’m so sorry that happened…” and goes on to say how it shouldn’t have happened and all apologies. And here is where it goes off the rails - after apologizing, he transitions to explaining that BFM is a “great man - truly”. That his behavior in that room didn’t reflect the legacy of his incredible career as a composer, a teacher and mentor. That he’s a wonderful person who has meant a great deal to so many young composers, and it would be a shame if something like this were to tarnish what was a monumental legacy. He ends with saying that he hopes what happened will not “diminish my respect” for BFM.
This conversation haunts me to this day. That this BFM Director saw a young woman - at his own festival - get sexually harassed, and his primary concern was that the reputation of BFM wasn’t injured and that the young woman who was just sexually harassed continued to respect BFM.
For the BFM, it seems as though nothing is more important than respect and reputation: a woman’s safety and security and right to belong and to participate rank far lower on their list of priorities than maintaining the reputations of and respect for BFM.
BFM composer is dead, but BFM Director is still around and still directing. I’ve always steered people I know away from him and anything he touches. I know where his priorities lie.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟕
Thank you for continually platforming women’s stories and bringing attention to when our industry falls short in protecting us. There’s been a lot to be angry at recently and as more comes out, gets overwhelmingly nauseating. I wanted to share a positive handling that happened behind the scenes to show that a big orchestra CAN choose to side with people who have stories like mine.
For background, I have been a substitute in {REDACTED BIG 5 ORCHESTRA} for several years, staring in my undergrad.
In 2022 while getting ready for their summer season, I received an email from the Orchestra with information about my first week housing assignment.
In the email, I was told that after my stay, I would need to strip the linens from my room because the newest {REDACTED NAMED TITLE} hire was going to be in that room the next week.
I was dumbfounded when I saw His name on the email. In 2014, the summer before my first year of school, I went to {REDACTED MUSIC FESTIVAL} and was SA’d by that same guy.
I had no idea he had won the {REDACTED} audition. I immediately panicked. How was I supposed to play on stage knowing he was behind me? What if I turned the corner and saw him backstage, what if someone tried to introduce me to him?
I called a friend in my section in the orchestra asking what I should do. She herself didn’t feel comfortable if he was playing with them. She became a huge advocate for me.
She helped me get in contact with HR and within a few days I was told that he would no longer be playing at {REDACTED CONCERTS}**. They hired a third party investigator, and within the week I had the initial video interrogation. That launched a 4-month long investigation—including, but not limited to, hours of interview anguish, submissions of my personal journal pages, 10-year old Facebook messages confiding in friends, and an interview with my therapist.
I was warned that even though I had an array of written documentation throughout the 10 years since, this was still considered a “he said, she said” situation because there was no immediate formal report. Well, I was freshly out of high school and there was no class or handbook on how to navigate a very adult situation you feel unsafe in, especially a scenario when you’re in another country away from your family and find yourself isolated in a hotel room with a man 10 years your senior who you barely know. During his interview, he admitted to the timeline I detailed but said it was consensual, thus bringing us to “he said it was consensual, she said it wasn’t.”
[I told him I needed to go back to my room because my roommate would be worried about me. He insisted on holding onto my phone and purse, and watched me walk down the hallway while I made an attempt to get into my room. After he watched me unsuccessfully get into my room at the dead end of the hall, he pulled me back in his room. This time I white lied that I was on my period, hoping to deter him from my body, but he said “then you’ll just have to do things to me.” I’m not sure which of my actions implied consent.
There were many ways he, a 29-year old man, could have handled what was clearly not enthused consent. Could he not have suggested we try getting a key for my room at the front desk? Or that I sleep on the empty bed in his roommate-less room? Or kept his clothes on? Or mine? Any person who was genuinely considering my well-being in this moment would have immediately followed through with any of those alternatives. He didn’t. What he decided on was selfishly pleasure-seeking and I was his way to fulfill that.
I always beat myself up for having a blank memory between him straddling my face and me turning on my side as the tears streamed down when I tried to sleep. But, because of the investigation, He since filled that gap in by admitting in his interview that he had ej******** on me. Now I know my lapse of memory was my brain’s way of protecting me. Just hearing it today makes me want to step out of my own skin and burn it.
I know he didn’t ask for consent because my trauma doesn’t lie. Consent is a clearly affirmative and unambiguous decision made by both parties to engage in a sexual way. I never gave my consent, verbally or enthusiastically, and I even tried to remove myself from the situation, which any nearly 30-year-old should be able to recognize as hesitation and resistance.]
Last year, months of replaying unfavorable outcomes and waiting for the lawyers he threatened to sue, the {REDACTED ORCHESTRA} made their decision: they revoked his contract. He didn’t even have the chance to play beyond his trial weeks and now he would never play another note with them. They chose to listen to me—a sub who doesn’t even play there on a weekly basis—and prioritize my safety and well-being over a top new hire. I feel immensely grateful that the Orchestra supported me but recognize that this often isn’t the way the story goes, both at that organization and within the larger industry.
He still has his job in {REDACTED MAJOR MIDWEST ORCHESTRA}. I am so curious how that conversation went between them when {REDACTED ORCHESTRA} didn’t work out for him. I have friends in {REDACTED MAJOR MIDWEST ORCHESTRA} and I wonder what they’d think if they knew he’s the one from my {REDACTED MUSIC FESTIVAL} story.
**I later found out that while this was happening, he no-showed a rehearsal at {REDACTED FESTIVAL} due to spending the night in jail after a DUI.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟖
Dear Katherine,
Ironically one of my proudest achievements in my career as a musician is having gotten {REDACTED} fired (or rather getting his contract non-renewed) from {BIG FANCY HISTORICAL PERFORMANCE PROGRAM} for allegedly sexually harassing at least two of my female classmates. Unfortunately it was not “enough” for these two women to have reported the harassment themselves— rather it took my forcing the administration’s hand as a bystander (ie fellow classmate/alum) to get him removed from the department. After {BIG FANCY HP PROGRAM} let {REDACTED} go, {BIG FANCY BAROQUE ORCHESTRA} finally declined to renew his contract as conductor there as well, though presumably they had been aware of the accusations toward him during previous contract negotiations. I am glad that I was able to force this action at {BFHPP} to make my classmates in the HP department safer, but it’s also extremely demoralizing how much effort I had to put in as a bystander in order to get it to matter to {BFMS} leadership that {REDACTED} is a creep who reportedly couldn’t be left alone with students without a faculty babysitter. Literally no one gave a shit, and I later found out that {BIG FANCY ARTISTIC DIRECTOR}, whom I previously had great respect for, had declined to share the history of accusations against {REDACTED} from the incoming slightly less fancy and decidedly female administrative director of our department, likely because he correctly surmised that she WOULD care. (Which apparently she did, hence {REDACTED} is finally no longer teaching at BFHPP.) My hope is that more women like {REDACTED} in leadership might eventually move the needle, but I’m really fucking tired of doing other people’s dirty work. Getting sexual predators fired from their teaching jobs is not something students or alums should have to do fucking “organizing” around. I definitely didn’t get any medals for it and probably will never work at {BIG FANCY BAROQUE ORCHESTRA} as a result.
I’m just really tired Katherine. At the end of the day this is thankless work. The unfortunate reality is that most cis women are just as complicit in upholding these power structures as the men who wield them. The small satisfaction I get from having made a difference in this one particular case is greatly overshadowed by all the times that no one could be bothered to do this work on my behalf when I needed it. (I have my own horror stories.) Doing this work is in no way healing, it’s just necessary. There is no reward. Just hypothetical people who will be hypothetically not raped/harassed/assaulted as a result.
***************************************************************************************************************************************
April 27, 2024
𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 #𝟔
𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔
𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘣𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐'𝘮 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯--𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺, 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘥, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶.
𝘈 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵, 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘴𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘨𝘰 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘤 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮. 𝘏𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘪𝘧 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘶𝘦𝘥.
𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘺𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘍𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘎𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥'𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘺. 𝘐𝘯𝘛𝘦𝘭𝘓𝘦𝘊𝘵𝘜𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘙𝘰𝘗𝘦𝘙𝘵𝘺. 𝘔𝘺 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘥, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺. 𝘐𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘪-𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘭-𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘥. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘔𝘎 𝘷𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘰 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 (𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘥𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴, 𝘵𝘰𝘰) 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘣𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮.
𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘮𝘦. 𝘏𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘶𝘴𝘦:
1) 𝘈𝘯 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳. 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘺. 𝘐'𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘧𝘧 𝘭𝘢𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘱𝘦𝘵𝘶𝘪𝘵𝘺.
2) 𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘵 𝘶𝘱, 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯, 𝘢 𝘮𝘪𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘦, 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘣𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘦. (𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘘𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘧𝘍𝘪𝘭𝘵𝘩.𝘤𝘰𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘸! 𝘔𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥.)
𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘦𝘣𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘚𝘲𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦. 𝘚𝘢𝘥𝘭𝘺, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘷𝘰𝘭𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘳, 𝘴𝘰 𝘐 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘷𝘰𝘭𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘵𝘰𝘰.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏
A follow up from Queen of Filth Digest #4.5:
After posting my story of being raped by Tommy who now plays with the Atlanta Symphony, I was immediately messaged by a {REDACTED} player, {REDACTED1}, who was {REDACTED} with Atlanta Symphony. She wrote me asking if I'd be more comfortable sharing more about what happened, and to disclose the name of who did this to me. She said a friend of hers was dating a cellist who went to Cleveland Institute of Music who plays in the Atlanta Symphony and wanted to know if it was the same person.
Not even 30 minutes later, {REDACTED2}, {REDACTED} member of the Atlanta Symphony, asked me the same question. Since they're both {REDACTED} players and followers of the page, I shared the exact same story!
I found out yesterday that {REDACTED2} is {REDACTED1}'s friend who is dating Tommy. Apparently they talked privately, and what {REDACTED1} disclosed to me is that Tommy is completely denying everything. {REDACTED2} believes Tommy and he "isn't like that." {REDACTED2} took a day and a half to respond to me, and she just gave me a "wish you the very best" response.
Women not believing women is unconscionable. Tommy raped me, and it ruined my life.
--Sara Lam
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟐
Katherine, I have been reading your posts with equal parts shock and disgust. As a female band director, I'm quite familiar with the "Good Ol' Boys" club. Thankfully, I have not been sexually assaulted, but thinking back, I can definitely name times where I was made to feel inferior, and I'm positive that it would not have happened were I a man. Anyway, I'm now the Mom of a daughter who is planning to major in violin performance. She loves her orchestra (we don't have one at our school, but she participates in an orchestra in {REDACTED CITY} that is audition only). It has been a wonderful experience for her so far. With the leadership they have in place, I do not anticipate any issues with that group. However, I am now at the point where I need to research colleges/universities more seriously for her. How do I research the teachers? I'm terrified that she's going to end up in a situation where she is victimized. Is there a list? haha! Joking, but wow, what a shame it is that we even should consider making such a list. Any suggestions you have on where to begin are greatly appreciated.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟑
Hi Katherine! Just wanted to reach out and thank you for your work. I played a gig on the weekend and we all chatted about how you are fighting the good fight and we are so thankful for it. I imagine you have an inbox full of angry men, but hopefully it is full of thankful women too!
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟒
Dear Katherine,
I discovered your important work here on Facebook with your post about the horrors happening in the NYPhil. My skin hurts reading about the realities of the way women are being treated in the classical music world. Thank you for shining a light on this.
I have a story of my own. I used to work closely with a BFM percussionist in my new music percussion quartet. He's got all the great jobs in {REDACTED}, probably a better career than I'll ever have.
We were driving on the campus where he teaches and some women students were crossing the street in front of our car and he announced how he'd "love to fuck them. Whew! Who knows, they could even be students of mine!"
I was disgusted. After a long protracted argument, I fired him from the group and reported him to his university where he still works to this day. I wouldn't sit idly by any longer and put up with this nonsense.
Everything out of this BFM's mouth for the nearly 2 years we worked together was some gross sexist remark about some "hot" colleague or even about his own partner. I'm glad he's not in my life anymore. And I'm pissed he still has his jobs, career, and success.
You can share this story if you want. It's small potatoes compared to some of the stuff you're posting, but it's my story and it hurts all the same.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟓
Thank you for your advocacy. I graduated with Cara, and though I lost touch with her, I am gutted by her experiences while simultaneously finding her perseverance admirable and just like strong force I knew her to be. Unfortunately, these stories are all too common. Our alma mater praised a man who married a student as a celebrated band director, our orchestra director had an extra-marital affair with a student while we were there, and we attended music festivals where a conductor actively pursued a student with notes and flowers, and a professor was put in prison for child pornography. When an article was published regarding sexual assault and other heinous behavior by another festival which I attended, the man was and still is venerated in many circles. At the time, I spoke with my former professor, who mentioned "cognitive dissonance" when I let her, yes HER, know what I had heard and experienced in a lesser degree. There was an inappropriate photo taken of me with an artist who was carefully placing his hands in a decrescendo so as to seem like he was groping me. I was naive to the degenerate culture until I heard that musician had committed rape overseas. When I heard that another international musician had invited students to his hotel room, and pornographic videos with students were shared by these disgusting men (nothing fancy about them), I was appalled. I took action in the ways I knew how, letting people who organized performances know about these men, and calling for a task force for holding musicians accountable at the national organizational level. Still, I am unsure of the impact, but Cara gives me hope, as do each of the stories you have shared. And I see my sponsor from graduate school and a prominent musician in our area both showing their support here, which makes me proud that change can happen. The previous professor at my graduate school had been dismissed due to sexual relations with a student, a friend of a friend of mine... I've thought about writing a bio/resume including all of the awful things next to each festival and formerly fancy names, but it's sad and pathetic, and makes me so angry that working hard to be your best revealed the worst in people. Best wishes to all of you for your honesty and continued uplifting of your voices. They are powerful and have helped me heal in deep ways. May there be a way to hold many, many people accountable.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟔
Hi Katherine!
I wanted to share thanks for your time, effort, calling out POS humans, speaking out, and advocating for change.
I’m a mother of two teen musicians (piano/flute & piano/french horn) and would love for them to not only have orchestral opportunities as females and minorities but would love for this movement that you’re a part of to allow them to be safe. Period.
Please keep up the good work for current and future musicians!
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟕
Hey Katherine, I just have to tell you about this. When I was going to {FANCY MUSIC SCHOOL}, a friend of mine and I decided to take the train to New York to see an Opera and a Broadway show. The friend had played with {FANCY TRUMPET PLAYER} in high school, and {FANCY TRUMPET PLAYER}and {OTHER FANCY TRUMPET PLAYER} had just gotten jobs in the NY Phil. My friend called up {RETIRED FANCY NY TRUMPET PLAYER AND FILMMAKER} and we met him at a club. {FANCY TRUMPET PLAYER} then looks at my friend and says, “my friend is going to meet us here. He’s looking for a drink.” We then turn around, and {RETIRED FANCY NY TRUMPET PLAYER AND FILMMAKER} walks through the door. {RETIRED FANCY NY TRUMPET PLAYER AND FILMMAKER} says something disparaging about gay men to {FANCY TRUMPET PLAYER} (we were in a queer bar), and tells {FANCY TRUMPET PLAYER} what he wants to drink. He then turns around, looks me up and down and goes “those are some tits.” And takes his drink from the bartender. I hadn’t even been introduced and literally only knew who {RETIRED FANCY NY TRUMPET PLAYER AND FILMMAKER} was because of his videos on YouTube. I’m not a brass player. {FANCY TRUMPET PLAYER} laughs and introduces us. I laughed a little just to feel normal, and then proceeded to spend the next hour super uncomfortable both because of {RETIRED FANCY NY TRUMPET PLAYER AND FILMMAKER}’s rhetoric, and this other guy in the bar trying to grope me. We finally left, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt more relieved to be standing on a New York sidewalk at 1 am in my life.
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April 29, 2024
𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 #𝟕
𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏
Hi Katherine. First off, I am a HUGE fan of your oboe playing. Although that is not why I am writing. As an oboist about your age who has studied with and played with some BFM, I have also experienced harassment and removal from a sub list of a full-time symphony orchestra, and the most prestigious I had the fortunate of playing in at the time, for telling the principal oboist to “go fuck himself” after refusing to sleep with or have phone sex with him. (I was 25 at the time and just starting to sub in major orchestras. It took me many years to finally have the courage to say this. The offender asked me if I knew who I was speaking to and vowed to end my career). Lucky for me, that did not happen. Also lucky for the world, while it took some time, just under a decade, he ended his own career with his behavior. I’m happy to say that the orchestra took immediate action when things were brought to light, even by powerless substitute musicians like myself. So, I am equally a fan of your social justice work in the field. Again, that is not why I’m writing. I am writing to say that you have inspired me to help catalyze small, but needed change in university music teaching. As a tenured oboe professor and member of an inclusivity panel in a professional music organization, I brought up the now infamous article in a recent meeting. I mentioned at least one small thing that college professors can do, we can all make sure NOT to cover the windows that are in teaching studios and create as much transparency in all lessons, rehearsals, office hours, etc… We decided to create a “best practices” list for college music teachers to adhere to to help foster inclusivity and student empowerment on campus. Again, this is a tiny, tiny accomplishment, yet I feel it is a huge first step. Thank you for all you do! On another note, the offending BFM in my story, was the smallest of the BFM I studied with. Fortunately, this incident was my only experience of the sort. I know that I am also coming from a place of privilege in that regard. If you are inclined to share any part of this story, I would ask that I may remain anonymous, at least for now. I might talk publicly one day about my BFM offender and situation.
He was also my summer teacher in between degrees, biggest supporter, favorite reed teacher, and it broke my heart thinking, at first, that I ever excelled at anything or was hired because he wanted to sleep with me. Obviously, this is still traumatic, and I am crying while writing this, but I am happy that I have been able to move forward through it.
I mean, obviously not really my biggest supporter, but that was how I felt.
I did the old, shrug, laugh and stay away for awhile because I just felt “lucky” to be performing in my hometown orchestra.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟐
When I was 15, I had a notable encounter with a BFM of Oboe. At the time, I was too young to understand how creepy it was. So as this young teenager, even with my mom waiting in the next room, he was bold (and creepy) enough to tell me that people who played my instrument were the best kissers. He said it was the embouchure muscles. He then asked if I wanted to sit on his bed. Fortunately, I was able to say no and we continued on with our lesson. I told some friends this story, both musicians and non-musicians. Some of my fellow musician friends had the exact same experience with the same BFM. At the time, I didn’t put together how boundary-crossing and inappropriate it was for this older man, who had power over me, to bring up kissing and then try to move me to the bed. As an adult, I can’t see any possible innocent interpretation of his actions. I also know that this same BFM has slept with students at festivals.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟑
I know you are inundated with messages right now, so don't feel you need to respond to this. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate all you are doing. I'm a luthier who also plays viola, and I put together a "Luthier Me Too" lecture for a convention a few years ago. Violin making is a heavily male-dominated field, and the stories that came my way as part of the talk were so disheartening. And as you keep mentioning, the stories we are able to share are just the tip of the iceberg. We have a Women In Lutherie group now where we support each other, and it's been a great help.
In any case, I thought you could use a bit of better news. I played a concert today with my civic orchestra here in Milwaukee, and this orchestra is a place I feel safe. Our conductor has been following the NY Phil story with horror, and I told him today after our concert that I appreciate how our orchestra operates. If there is a seedy underbelly, I haven't heard anything in the past two decades. There are bright spots in the orchestra world and thought you deserved to hear about one.
–Korinthia Klein
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟒
I am writing to share my story. I first met {REDACTED BFM OF EUPHONIUM} when I was a senior in high school. I was 17. We met at the {REDACTED BRASS CONFERENCE}. As many young euphonium players tend to be, I was excited to meet someone that I considered a "hero." He gave me a free lesson at this event and told me I had nice lips and touched my lips in a way that was not pedagogically necessary. I've never been in a lesson since where a teacher has touched my lips. We kept in touch after this, the first message being on my birthday. After this, he continued to message in ways that I consider flirty, including using heart eye emojis and sending "what are you doing up so late?" messages. I directed the conversations to different topics, but his intent felt flirty and not like a normal student/teacher interaction. Even though he was never my teacher officially, I took a few lessons with him, including ones I paid for, and was considering studying with him for my master's degree. I have a screen recording of these conversations. I felt the need to be conversational and pleasant because I felt like he had power over me. I felt that he could decide if I "made it" as a euphonium player. Now, I know all of this can be considered subjective. It's hard to decide tone over text, but there was an in person interaction that made me deeply uncomfortable and I fear to think what may have occurred if I didn't leave when I did.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟓
At my school for my master’s in performance, I was a part of a graduate quintet. I was
In my early 20s while there, but I was raised in pretty sheltered religious situations prior to my master’s at a public university, so I was still pretty unaware and naive for that age. One of our members was in his late 30s. I felt weird around him from the start, but I thought I was just being judgmental about his personality. He was a rude, condescending, arrogant person and would verbally be very abrasive towards the individuals in my quintet instead of using constructive criticism except when it was directed at me. I felt very flattered by his kind words about my playing (that he would say to me as well as text to me), and I agreed inwardly that what he was complimenting me on were strengths of mine, so I didn’t see this as a red flag at all. For some reason I chose to disclose this information in detail to a colleague in my studio, and they proceeded to tell me that he had slept with them when they were in their first half of undergrad and (the guy in my group) was in his 30s. This friend in my studio had a similarly sheltered background as me except they were even more of a naive personality than me. They proceeded to tell me every little thing about me that must be “turning him on.” I was basically told by her every single little detail that I was doing, not doing, wearing, etc. that must be making him behave this way towards me. I now realize that the reality is that he is a creep who goes for the vulnerable, naive types on purpose because the likelihood of us telling anyone is extremely small. I also hate that a woman was basically telling me it was my fault that this was happening when honestly I wasn’t doing anything at all except existing and playing my parts well in this quintet. I was now on alert in every rehearsal and felt very uncomfortable all the time. I hated that I was forced to sit by him and make eye contact as you do when playing in a quintet for cues and such. Long story short, it got to a point where I thought this colleague was planning a get together to drink at his apartment for the whole quintet, but I realized (by texting some of the others individually) while almost deciding to go that it was actually just going to be me there. I’m so glad that I realized what that had potential to lead to before anything happened. I ended up at this point sharing all of this with another woman in the group, and they basically told me I was overreacting and reading into it, but now after reading everyone’s horrible stories, I don’t think I was! It has made me realize how I could have also been a victim if things turned out differently. I hated not being believed.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟔
Hi Katherine,
I really appreciate you. It has been a while since I studied with {REDACTED BFM OF EUPHONIUM}, but he had a strongly sexual undertone in his studio in retrospect. A few anecdotes will follow:
So he wanted all of us to be having sex regularly. He said this would help with our confidence and playing.
I walked into his office one day, and he said "Excuse me, I was just looking at titties on my phone. Let's get to work."
He was generally way too interested in our sex lives and would comment on the looks of young women in the music building.
I know he and {REDACTED TUBA/EUPH QUARTET} were pretty big into strip clubs, and that would get brought up.
One day, I think after studio, he just said "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go have sex with my wife."
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟕
Hi Katherine: First and most importantly I want to say THANK YOU for stepping up and standing against all of these assholes. I’m an electric bassist (so not gonna be in any of the Big Symphonies any time soon) and lived in {REDACTED CITY WITH LOTS OF MUSIC} for over 20 years (now living in NYC). I was also a cop in {REDACTED CITY} to pay bills while playing music. As a cop, you should know that we see this sort of thing all the time. It happens across the board, and in every industry. I can’t tell you the countless rape reports I filled out at {REDACTED MAJOR UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL} for female college students who had been slipped something by a “nice guy friend” then woke up without their underwear or any memory of what had happened.
Here’s my little personal story of unwanted male attention / aggression from about 2000. First off, please know that I am, and have always been, an Obvious Lesbian, and therefore don’t have the slightest interest in men. Additionally, I’ve always been the “jeans, t-shirt, sneakers, and crew-cut” variety. I don’t dress or act in a way that should pique their interest.
I was playing a gig at {REDACTED WORLD FAMOUS MUSIC VENUE} with a well known {REDACTED STRING INSTRUMENT} musician in town. He agreed to give me a ride the short distance between my apartment and the venue. When I got in the car with him, I remember having my bag sitting on my lap during the car ride. {REDACTED MUSICIAN} was easily in his 50s, and I was 24. He immediately put his hand on my leg and started telling me that he knew that I “wanted it.” (Wanted what? And why was his hand on my leg?) He kept groping and telling (not asking) me that I “wanted it.” If it wasn’t for the bag in my lap, he would have been all up in my “girl business.” I “laughed him off” and told him to stop, but (I was young, naive, and still in my pre-police era) he persisted. The car ride was MAYBE 10 minutes to the venue. He kept on and on. I thought he was joking around. I mean– WHY would a grown ass man actually be trying to do something with someone as gay as me?
We got to the venue and played the gig. And then (remember: youth, naivety) my dumb ass got BACK in the car with him for him to drop me off home. His behavior resumed. “Please, please… you know you want this…”
I was expecting my (36 y/o straight female) roommate to be at home when we arrived, but she was NOT. Uh oh. I told {REDACTED MUSICIAN} goodnight, and got out of the car. He followed me inside, grabbed me, and bent me over the couch. I really did not know what to do. I had never really been around straight guys, never dated men, and never been much in the company of straight girls who would warn me of such things. All I could say was “YOU NEED TO STOP. This isn’t funny. {REDACTED ROOMMATE} IS COMING HOME ANY MINUTE. What would she think about this?!”
{REDACTED MUSICIAN} then got a look of realization across his face that I was not going to let him f*** me, straightened up, and left. {REDACTED ROOMMATE} came home a little later, and when I told her what had happened, she didn’t believe me. “Aww… There's no way {REDACTED MUSICIAN} would have done that. Ha ha… He’s such a nice guy.” Let me say that this has stuck with me for decades now.
As the years in {REDACTED CITY WITH LOTS OF MUSIC} went on, I moved to another neighborhood and saw {REDACTED MUSICIAN} walking to a coffee shop. He saw me. That weekend I bought a gun and took the carry course. {REDACTED MUSICIAN} ended up working at my alma mater {MAJOR MUSIC UNIVERSITY}, and I told the management staff there about his behavior. Not sure if he got fired or they just ignored me. Then, years later and after I’d been a cop for a while (and everyone knew I was the “cop who played music”) I saw him at a music event. He made eye contact with me, dropped his gaze, and scurried out of the room.
Here’s the last thing I would like all of my female musician friends to know: As a cop, I told lots of women that the best way to feel safe is to arm yourself with a firearm and train to use it. I’m not being political or controversial here; it’s a fact that if you make yourself a “hard target” (police nomenclature), you will be less likely to be a victim. The carry laws in NYC and NY State do NOT do anything to help women protect themselves, and that topic is well beyond the scope of this message and discussion. It’s just a thought for everyone to have. Please, please don’t be afraid to defend and protect yourself and your family. Best wishes to you all, stay safe, and keep playing your music.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟖
Hi Katherine...not sure if you will see this given your large following. Just want to say I appreciate your candor in revealing all these scandals.
Over 20 years ago I was my high school drum major where my high school band director forced myself and other male drum majors to shower in the same facilities as him. He revealed his genitals to us multiple times and for me it was over a span of two years since I was drum major multiple years. You have given me the courage to speak out 20 years later. I recently filed a complaint to the music educator's association in my state as this so-called "educator" is still around giving clinics in schools and interacting with children.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟗
When I was at {BIG FANCY MUSIC FESTIVAL} {RETIRED BIG FANCY MAN OF TRUMPET} played in the orchestra with me. One day at a rehearsal we heard that {RETIRED BFM OF TRUMPET} had somehow gotten into a women's bedroom and put a large dead fish in her bed. When she pulled the blanket down for the night, she saw it. {RETIRED BFM OF TRUMPET} is a sick perverted person.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟎
I wanted to say thank you so much for helping to expose and spread the word of dirt bags. I have never seen anyone or had anyone confide in me they have been attached. Probably due to my loner lifestyle. I have seen shit that I am certain was going to cause someone to be attacked./ When I asked the women if they were ok I was dismissed.... I should have persisted but I did not know how. (too young) I have a list of known pro horn garbage humans. I never let me students think of studying with them.. I also disparage them openly and suffer the career setbacks for doing it. I wanted to send you a list and maybe the victims will feel more supported with you and than I can provide
1. {VERY BFM OF HORN IN NORTH AMERICA} - huge abuser attends parties like {BFM OF TUBA} (who I reported at {STATE UNIVERSITY} and was reprimanded for doing so) - many victims
2. {VERY BFM OF HORN IN BIG 5 ORCHESTRA} - openly dated students during his divorce at {REDACTED MFMS} - horrible person
3. {BFM OF HORN} - was even forced into 1 year suspension from {BFMS} for abuse
4. {HORN PROFESSOR AT STATE UNIVERSITY} - touches young HS hornist and students run from him
5. {BFM OF HORN IN EAST COAST CITY} - finally getting his - sort of
6. {INTERNATIONAL BFM OF HORN} - you have to fuck him to sub - really sick with women
7. {BFM OF HORN AND HORN DEALER} - tried to pay a friend of mine with mouthpieces to fuck her - trash human
8. {HORN DEALER AND REPAIR PERSON} - often trades rent for sex - he owns houses he rents to students at {BFMS} - controls freelancing in {REDACTED EAST COAST CITY}
We are not all garbage (men I mean) This is by no means a music only problem either. Many women are also bad actors as well. Humans just kind of suck. I know less of other brass but I know some offenders. I will keep trying to do the right thing. I have personally been not hired or fired about 8 times for calling out bullshit. It has cost me so much personally and financially.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟏
How was {RETIRED BFM OF TRUMPET} being a champion of women when he told my all female brass trio of 18 year old students to call ourselves “Brass Gash or Axe Wound”? These were such gross references to our genitalia that I didn’t even understand them at the time and a friend had to explain it to me. How was he being a champion of women when he waited for the one female trumpet student to go to the bathroom during studio class to ask the male students “who is fucking her? Somebody better be, because I want to hear all about it?” Did it make it ok that she thought {RETIRED BFM OF TRUMPET} respected her playing more than the other faculty and convinced her to be his student? How about when he told a female student to only play music “at a tempo you can fuck to”? Is that a champion of women?
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟐
On Feb. 9th, 2019, a friend and I drove from {redacted} to {MIDWESTERN STATE} to hear {BFM OF EUPHONIUM} play a concerto at {BFMS}. After the concert, {BFM OF EUPHONIUM} invited my friend and me to go to a bar with him. We were both under 21 at the time and I brought that up. He told me that there would be members of the {BFMS} studio there as well and that it was going to be a hang. When I got there, there were no students there, only my friend and me. {BFM OF EUPHONIUM} had me sit right next to him and kept his arm around my shoulders most of the time. He had my friend sit a few chairs away. He kept trying to order me alcohol all night, even putting his glass right up in my face and trying to get me to try it. I told him that I had never drank before and he told me that if I just tried it, I'd like it. He was very insistent, but I was as well because I had to drive back to our hotel. After I told him that, he kept trying to convince me to stay and drink and then go back to his apartment with him. He was getting increasingly touchy and at one point I left for the bathroom and my friend went with me. I was feeling uncomfortable in the situation, so I told my friend that we needed to go. She agreed that the situation was not great and that we needed to leave. We told the party that we had to get up early the next day to return to {redacted} and left. {BFM OF EUPHONIUM} was very insistent that we didn't leave and was still holding on to my shoulders, but eventually we did make our way out. The following day, he sent a message saying that he "hoped [he] didn't make [me] feel uncomfortable," so he clearly understood that he was pushing a boundary and continued to push even when I seemed uncomfortable enough for him to mention it the next day. I wish I responded differently to him than I did, but I was uncomfortable and didn't want to push the matter. I have had other uncomfortable in person interactions with {BFM OF EUPHONIUM}, most of which involve him being overly physically affectionate and pushy, but this interaction was the worst.
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May 2, 2024
𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 #𝟖
𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔
𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘸. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘵𝘰𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘭 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘣𝘰𝘹. 𝘈𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵-𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘣𝘰𝘹 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘦𝘳, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘈𝘮𝘢𝘻𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘈𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘈𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏
You're a badass and I appreciate what you're doing. It's making me think more each day about those I collaborate with and making even more conscious choices about who I give my time to and help give a platform to. Much respect Katherine.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟐
I was sexually harassed by {BFM OF EUPHONIUM} for years, every time I encountered him. I was an undergrad when we first met, and this continued for over 10 years until I left the music field for unrelated reasons. Multiple men in positions of power, who I respected and studied with, saw his inappropriate behavior as he made no attempt to hide what he was doing. None of these men tried to intervene, and they all continued to involve him in professional situations where he would be around vulnerable young women. This man would brush up against me, "accidentally" fondle my breasts, speculate to others about my bra size, and more. At the time, I just tried to keep the peace. I was still planning on a career in the music world, and didn't want to be labeled as "difficult." At the same time, I tried to make it very clear that I was not inviting his attention or responding to it, as I didn't want people gossiping about me using his interest to further my career. The brass world is incredibly toxic for women, and perhaps low brass most of all. I wish I had had the courage to speak up when he would humiliate me in public rather than just brush him off. Maybe if I had been more vocal back then, he wouldn't have been able to keep assaulting other young women. But, now that I am older and wiser, I realize everyone would have continued to look away no matter how I responded.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟑
I wanted to respond to a post I saw yesterday about what is happening in our music world and how it is tough to be a peacemaker in this firestorm. It came from a well-known female trumpet teacher that I admire and respect, and I know she is well-intentioned. Yet, I feel some things are being missed by many liking and loving this post. I wanted those folks to know that it was seen by someone like me, a humble no BF job musician who knows many of you and who is also in the QOF Digest. Somehow I knew, most (if not all) of you would see my words if Katherine posted them. Because you watch her like a hawk as you tsk-tsk privately to yourselves.
I see all these likes and loves and cheers from female BFs and BFM wives to this particular peacemaker post and not a damn thing from y’all anywhere else since Cara’s story broke. I see and hear your silence, your pearl-clutching “why can’t we all just get along?” and your “can’t we just get back to the music?” The silence is deafening from here, but it is also damning. There is no hiding on social media. I see your unabated and dedicated self-promotion. I see the self-promoters who stopped abruptly mid-April and disappeared. I see your likes and loves of what is most palatable to remaining neutral. I see your “I’m not active on social media” as social media literally shows me where you’ve been and what you support.
So, I can’t help but wonder, what the fuck is this shit about? Is your silence to preserve your own musicianship or sanity? Is it to preserve a tenuous peace in your own house? Did you marry one of these guys? Are you married to their apologists? Do you make room for them because of tenure or portfolios or custom kitchens or fiercely maintaining what you have? Whose truth will you deny to make a powerful man comfortable in order to maintain what you have?
I am struggling financially more than I ever have as an adult because I dared to speak out against a man- two men- for not getting our orchestra paid, on a union gig. I’ve worked in this industry as my sole profession for 20 years, and this year I worked a restaurant job for the first time in my life at 46 years of age. I have zero regrets for the ground I have stood. No part of me thinks “I want to mend those fences so I can go back to that.” No fucking way. The music means more to me than cozying up to patriarchy for my own gain.
I went to school with many of y’all, played gigs and summer festivals with you, and recommended students to you. I cherish the moments shared of beauty and truth and connection that I experienced making music with many of you. But your silence cheapens us all as musicians and as artists. What is the purpose of a life in music? Is it to ensconce yourself in art without risk? Because what appears to matter chiefly above all things to many of you is your self-promotion and maintaining what you have. Your silence and your half-assed likes for peace are also seen and heard by the women who’s truths have been hushed and belittled and brushed aside, some of us for decades, over and over again.
When we look at diminishing audiences and interest in our art, maybe we can drop the proverbial “society sucks” finger-pointing and turn it back on ourselves. Look in the mirror, y’all. Your disingenuousness and your wagon circling adversely impacts the efficacy of your music. Surely you see that?
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟒
Regina Sordes
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟓
Katherine,
Thank you SO much for all that you do to support women's voices and advocate for long overdue change in our industry. I just wanted to write to throw it out there that, hands down, the BEST brass playing I have ever heard in my life was from the all-female Seraph Brass. Their gorgeous sound blew me away (no pun intended) and was so unlike the traditional, stereotypical brass sound that I literally was shocked and stunned that brass instruments could sound so beautiful. Just wanted to spread the love to an ensemble that deserves allllll the glory, not just because they're damned good at what they do, but because of whatever bullshit they likely had to push through to get to where they are today.
Keep up the amazing work.
--Sara
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟔
Hey Katherine! I hope you’re doing well. I’m wondering if you know of any funds to donate to around gender-marginalized folks in our industry. I’ve come into a little bit of money designed to be donated, so I figured I’d take a look around. All the best!
{This is Katherine now: please help #6 out. I didn't have a great obvious answer for them.}
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟕
Early music performance opportunities usually come from word of mouth so when I entered a new school in a new city I put a lot of pressure on myself to make good impressions and strong connections. One day, a beloved professor at my school told me that he heard my long distance boyfriend was studying at {FMS}. He previously attended {FMS} and asked if I wanted to get together and talk about study abroad opportunities. He had contacts at the school and ideas about how I could receive funding. This sounded amazing. We met up at a bar, and after consuming many drinks over many hours I was still patiently waiting for the subject of study abroad to come up. Instead, he came onto me. I felt confused and blindsided. There’s no nice way to say this but he’s not exactly an attractive man. Did he really think I’d be into it? Doesn’t he have a serious girlfriend? He knows I have a boyfriend.. Did I do something to make him somehow feel this would be ok? I felt so uncomfortable. I drank copious amounts through the discomfort. I told him that I think he might be reading things wrong, I’m very much in love with my boyfriend. We changed the subject. After walking him to public transport, he told me his line had stopped running for the night. I wondered why he didn’t just get an Uber… He suggested that maybe he could spend the night at my apartment— just until transport was running again. I was drunk, not thinking clearly and I agreed. When we got to my place he started touching and kissing me. I went along with it even though I didn’t want to. I showed him to my couch. He then asked if it would be weird if my roommate woke up and saw a random older man sleeping in the living room. Fair point. I said he could sleep in my bed as long as we keep distance between us. And I said VERY clearly, “don’t get your hopes up, I’m not having sex with you.” As soon as I drifted to sleep, I jolted awake to find him on top of me. I asked “what are you doing? I told you no sex” to which he replied, “It’s too late.” I told him to stop and after some hesitation, he pulled out. I tried to convince myself that what happened was fine. I thought if I continued a sexual relationship with him on MY terms then it would somehow make it all less f***** up. Over a couple months we exchanged some sexual messages and fooled around on several occasions until he ended things because he felt bad for cheating on his girlfriend (also a prominent figure). After all this, I genuinely thought he was in my corner and that he would go on to support me knowing how much I loved music and how hard I was working to build my career. If anything, it seemed like he was trying to keep me away from opportunities. I noticed him inviting new undergraduate students on professional gigs who, as much as I respect them, clearly did not have my level of experience or musical understanding. I wouldn’t be surprised if he made efforts to distance me from the scene because he knows I have information that, at best, could complicate/destroy his relationship and at worst, could put his faculty position in jeopardy. I had to remove myself from a school concert that he was assisting in directing because I felt so disgusted after the first few rehearsals with him. I never reported him. I felt that my actions after the incident had blurred the lines too much. I feel perpetually burdened with shame. What if my failure to report has resulted in the same thing happening to others? I followed up on rumors that he sent flirtatious DMs to other students in school but the recipients assured me that it was all “harmless.” If you encountered the same person, then you also know that his character isn’t the only thing that’s crooked. You are not alone, and I stand with you.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟖
John Oberbrunner, former principal flutist of the Syracuse Symphony and former faculty member of Syracuse University, was my private flute teacher when I was in high school during the years 1984-87.
I decided to join his studio at age 15 because I wanted him to help me prepare my college auditions for Juilliard, Curtis, and New England Conservatory, among others.
He seemed to respect my abilities, but also seemed enamored of my bubbly, adolescent personality. At first, Mr. Oberbrunner was respectful and professional. I was inspired to work hard for him. But after a while, at the end of each lesson, he would give me a pat on the head or back, and tell me what a great flutist I was, and how proud he was. Those pats on the head would evolve into hugs. Those hugs would become longer and tighter with each lesson. Those hugs became seemingly endless and awkward, silent embraces in which he pressed his body up against mine and wouldn’t let go. I froze in the silence, wondering what my unsuspecting mom would think, who was innocently reading a magazine on the other side of the wall in his waiting room. What would his wife think, whose footsteps I could hear upstairs in their private quarters, walking above our heads? Eventually he kissed me, pressing his wet, soft, coffee-stenched lips against my tight, pursed, closed-for-dear-life lips. He always tried to French kiss me. His tongue a slimy, proprietous snail. I was horrified, disgusted, and ashamed. But I was also a young girl, confused by his behavior—the lines between love, boundaries, self-worth, acceptance, respect, self-esteem, mentorship, parental role models, etc. were completely muddled. This treatment went on for the entire time I studied with him. He did not rape me, nor did he ever attempt to. And because of that fact, for years I thought that the abuse I suffered had no real meaning, because other people in the world were abused far worse than I had been. But his disregard for me caused a lifetime of consequences. At the time, I confided in someone I trusted about his abuse, but my words fell on deaf ears. So I carried my shame and resulting lack of confidence with me into young adulthood.
His actions affected my self-esteem for years, my ability to have perspective of myself as a serious flutist versus my self-worth as a woman and “woman”; it affected my personal relationships, boundaries, career choices and life paths.
John Oberbrunner died as a celebrated flutist and teacher in 2022 at the age of 92. Over the past few years I have agonized over if or why I should say something publicly. I always decided not to because I wasn’t clear about my motives. I didn’t want to hurt anyone by speaking out. Well today, I am clear. Today is the day.
--Dianne Spoto
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟗
Thought I'd add my voice to the Queen of Filth Digest. Sometimes you lose when you win. There were two instances where I was the Amanda. I listened, I believed, and I documented for my friends and colleagues. The first instance was a Board member who was literally beating his wife. He was being considered to be the head of a partner organization and several folks on staff asked me whether the rumor about his abuse was true. I confirmed it and dates, times, and descriptions of the injuries. He didn't get the job thank god. Then a consultant was being creepy with female staff - trying to give them unwanted backrubs, call them at all hours and even showing up to their houses. I listened, I believed, and I documented with their permission. Collectively, they filed a grievance with a spreadsheet I put together of all of the instances of harassment that had dates and times. This resulted in the organization severing its relationship with the consultant. But all of this labeled me as difficult and a troublemaker. One by one the people who reported were fired for "performance issues" and I was the last to go. What got me fired? Putting the wrong date on my out of office message during vacation. Here's the problem, is that even when perpetrators are removed, a toxic organization can and will retaliate on the Caras and Amandas. That is why changing the union itself is so important.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟎
About five years ago, I attended a masterclass by {redacted BFM trumpet player}. He used to play in {redacted opera} and was still is on faculty at {multiple redacted conservatories in a huge city}.
In his masterclass, he talked about ‘gender in music’ as music can be masculine or feminine. Knowing people wouldn’t probably like this, he said to the audience “well you can report me if you get triggered, fuck you”.
Later, a new student was playing with what seemed like a newer trumpet mouthpiece. In the masterclass, he said “is that a {obscure mouthpiece}? Get that shit mouthpiece out of here, it’s a fucking door stop”. It got pretty awkward, and instead of diffusing the situation, {host professor} validated {BFM trumpet} by saying that he didn’t know that his student had a “shit mouthpiece”. Just a weird instance of trying to ‘back your bro’.
{BFM trumpet} also made parody videos, and in the masterclass, brought up a video with an Asian student playing percussion in the video, and {BFM trumpet} was purposefully mispronouncing the students name, playing to stereotypes of Asian people. Later in the video, he referred to the student as “Beijing Beijing”. Again, this wasn’t just dug up, he showed it himself because he thought it was funny.
I don’t remember how it got to this, but pornography and ‘sex dolls’ were mentioned, and I left the masterclass.
Concerns about {BFM Trumpet} were brought up to administration, resulting in an email from {hosting professor} sending an email apologizing for some ‘borderline inappropriate comments’.
Thankfully this experience didn’t result in any sexual misconduct, but the weird and gross behavior of {BFM trumpet} came right back to me after reading about others’ experiences.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟏
I am deeply disappointed to see {BIG FANCY MUSIC FESTIVAL} feature {VERY FANCY VIOLIN MAN} as a headliner artist as part of their major anniversary year. What’s particularly confusing to me is that a common rumor among my generation of musicians is that {VERY FANCY VIOLIN MAN} was allegedly banned as a guest from this very festival due to inappropriate behavior with students, and also from {BIG FANCY ARTS ACADEMY}, something vehemently denied by its administration. Whether or not this specific factoid is true, it is a well-known and poorly-kept industry “secret” that {VERY FANCY VIOLIN MAN} has a habit of engaging in inappropriate, unprofessional, and potentially illegal behavior with girls and women. A cursory search online will yield countless threads about {VFVM} and his “creepiness,” “sleaziness,” and tendency to touch women inappropriately and use his position of power to gain sexual favors.
Over 10 years ago, I went on an international tour with {VFVM} as part of {RENOWNED YOUTH ORCHESTRA}’s inaugural tour. Even then, I already knew stories of his predatory behavior. He was one of the first adults I was warned about, even though as a young man I was not the direct target of his behavior. His name was often mentioned in the same sentence as a well-known instructor of my instrument, whose career has since ended because his abuse was made public.
Even at the time, I understood that the enthusiasm with which he hugged and posed with young (underage) women was not only creepy, but clearly unprofessional. This was followed by suggestive comments to these women, and overtly flirtatious behavior. As a CHILD, I knew that this was wrong, and found it incredibly disturbing that this went entirely unacknowledged by all of the ADULTS in the room. Note: this was all happening publicly, backstage, at a YOUTH orchestra tour. Now that I am an adult with my own students, I am disturbed even more by this scenario, and am ashamed to have been implicated in it as a bystander.
In 2018, during the peak of the #metoo movement, I was in touch with a reporter at {BIG FANCY NEWSPAPER} and {BIG FANCY MAGAZINE} who were independently working on stories about {VFVM}. Unfortunately, none of the people they spoke with were willing to go on the record, so the story was shelved. I reached out to a few of the adults who were present at {RENOWNED YOUTH ORCHESTRA}’s tour, who confirmed my feelings about the (direct quote) “pretty hush-hush” things that were going on.
I am deeply disappointed that this man’s fame and supposed “mellowing-out” has allowed him to escape any accountability. I am ashamed to have been implicated AS A CHILD in my industry’s willingness to cover up the “quirks” of BFM’s like {VFVM}. I am disillusioned by the lack of awareness of {BIG FANCY MUSIC FESTIVAL}, as well their apparent lack of creativity to hire a headliner artist who…does not have a garbage reputation like {VFVM}.
Lastly, I understand why {BIG FANCY NEWSPAPER} and {BIG FANCY MAGAZINE} could not publish without having sources go on-record. However, I am so shocked that after all of these years, no other {BIG FANCY MEN} have come out to speak about the reputation of {VFVM}.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟐
Hey Katherine, I know that maybe you are getting a lot of messages right now, but I just wanted to thank you for your advocacy.
As a young female horn student I find it really discouraging that a lot of the teachers and students in my school have been accused of sexual misconduct, and they have yet to receive any consequences, so in the end I have to find a way to exist around them. It's really tiring to spend so much time at a school that you're not really safe at, and to know that if they were to do something to me, speaking about it could hinder my career, specially as someone that is just starting (As here in {LATIN AMERICAN COUNTRY} bringing forward an allegation can give you the reputation that you're difficult to work with, and basically blacklist you from some orchestras) like, why should I carry the consequences of their actions?
So, it's really comforting to know that there are people who actually give a shit about this. So thank you, a lot.
(Sorry if my english is a bit wanky, it's not my first language)
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟑
Hi Katherine - I've been keeping up with all of your DM posts lately, and perhaps I've missed this or not connected the dots from the redactions, but I can't imagine I'm the first person messaging you about {redacted BFM Horn teacher/principal horn of major orchestra} at {BFMS in the South}. Even before I went there for my MM in {non-horn brass instrument} performance, I was told by the horn professor at my (not big or fancy) undergrad that he was a known creep who had sex with students, had been reprimanded but his "track record of success" with his studio kept him protected. During my time there, everyone knew he was having an affair with a student. I can't imagine that other professors could have been unaware when it was so blatant. I remember subbing with {redacted orchestra where horn teacher is principal}, standing near him backstage during intermission, and he was talking on the phone to the student he was sleeping with, and it was incredibly graphic. I couldn't believe what he was saying 10 feet away from me, a current student at the school, with zero shame. Aside from that, he's widely know to be abusive to students - I've heard stories of him threatening students who stand up to him. I guess it's not new so it shouldn't be surprising, but seeing posts from other {same BFMS in South} faculty in support of Cara/Amanda, I don't understand what needs to happen for them to speak up about what happens in the studio next door.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟒
Hi Katherine,
Thank you from the UK for all you are doing.
{FANCY UK BRASS MAN} taught me at a {UK BIG FANCY MUSIC COLLEGE} from {REDACTED,} and made me feel uncomfortable on many occasions- never physically ‘crossed a line’ but made me feel uncomfortable nevertheless.
He’d insist on being sat in very close proximity (uncomfortably so) during lessons, either for the duration, or would move closer so his crotch would be nearly touching you.
He would often bring in his younger than me girlfriend at the time, who would come and sit in our tiny room and watch lessons awkwardly. This never sat right with me, and still doesn’t to this day.
Once, he was on Skype to another girlfriend during my lesson- I only saw as i approached to show him some music, and was shocked to see her face on his screen.
He was known for accepting ‘pretty’ students with ‘potential’ (his words) who weren’t actually good enough for the course (also his words!)
Rumours swirled around college about him having a reputation for sleeping with students, and thing I remember most in terms of inappropriate behaviour was when he ‘confided’ in me how his wife had approached him about him this- he categorically told me how outrageous he thought this was, and he couldn’t believe why she would think that. I remember a fellow brass player mentioning once that {FANCY UK BRASS MAN}’s wife had messaged her and accused her of having an affair with him- something must have made her believe this.
In hindsight, there were a lot of DARVO, gaslighting/ power play kind of behaviours occurring, however with the college’s ’hierarchy’ and boys club atmosphere, I’m unsure how many people would’ve been comfortable coming forward- I didn’t, and regret that now.
This is the first time I’ve found myself talking about this, because his behaviour with me, however inappropriate seems small compared to the hideous things coming out, but I hope my small part in this may empower others to come forward if there are indeed stories to be shared.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟓
So back when I first started my graduate program, {REDACTED BFM OF EUPHONIUM} was sitting with 1 or 2 freshmen male students when I I was walking down the hallway towards them. He shouts “hey! Are you married?? Facebook says you’re married!” I explained that a gay friend of mine and I got married on Facebook a long time ago. Then he said “well that’s why you’re not getting any free meals around here! You gotta show off those girls (cleavage) so that you can get free dinners!” At this point, he was the conductor for the university symphony and I was the concertmaster. I started to get very self conscious when I’d stand to tune the orchestra because those male students were in the orchestra periodically. Definitely not claiming sexual assault BUT he was very comfortable making sexual jokes to female students including those in his own studio. I do think that he was more careful with me because I knew his wife very well..
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟔
Hi Katherine, I wanted to share my experience with {REDACTED BFM EUPHONIUM} as well. He’s been messaging me inappropriately for over a decade. We have seen each other a few times in person (always at professional conferences) and during those encounters he has been physically touchy (close hugs that last too long, an arm around my waist, etc). I feel gross because I agreed to meet up with him, my motives being professional and his clearly not.
Some examples of messages I’ve gotten: he’s called me baby, sexy, beautiful, my girl, mommy, the apple of his eye and said he’s a #fanboy. He’s also messaged me saying he bets I look amazing in my swimsuit after I posted a pic of me and my son next to the pool (the photo was just our faces, my body did not need to be brought into the conversation) and asked me to send pics while I was out celebrating my bachelorette party saying he “expects one or two photos in his inbox in the morning .” When we met he told me I’m his type because I look like his wife and I’m “thick as cornbread” (his words not mine), and he once told me he wanted to post one of my Instagram pics in his bathroom (His emojis not mine).
I was 22 when I met him, thrilled to connect with someone of his caliber and not in a place to shut down a chance to network. He has been contacting me so long I felt like we were friends. Clearly not, he just wanted to cross a line and has done with SO many other women. These comments have always been layered in with actual conversations about life, work, opportunities, and mentions of how he would love for us to play together.
Thank you for the work you do, Katherine. I know this message won’t be the only one you get about him or the worst but it does follow a very clear pattern of behavior.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟕
I had gone back and forth about sharing this, but the recent developments and stories I have been reading have made me absolutely livid. While the following directly "happened to me", it was about or in regards to my (now) wife. However, knowing that you post with anonymity and redactions, I feel more comfortable in sharing.
My wife and I are both trumpet players - she is a band director, while I play in a chamber orchestra, freelance, and teach at a university. We met in college, (and luckily we had a wonderful teacher there who is now one of our closest friends). I was a sophomore and she was a freshman. Over time we became great friends, a bit competitive with one another but in a healthy way (she out-chaired me her first year and beat me out for a spot in the orchestra!). It was fantastic to have such a positive influence (and a huge reality check/kick in the ass) for my playing in the studio, but this didn't sit well with everyone.
Soon after we started dating, the amount of sexist and outright disgusting comments from other studio members towards me became common.
Of course, the immediate bullshit said to me was that "She only made it into the top ensembles because you are dating her". Uhhh, yeah, no. She kicked my ass and earned the spot.
But the most egregious instance was when a fellow player in the studio said "Hey, the first time you guys have sex, make sure to send me a pic of her pussy, I've always wondered what it looks like." (I regret not punching him in the mouth then and there, but at the time I was only 19 and had no idea what to even say in response).
This same individual, a couple of years later (of course when I was out of town for a grad school audition), decided to crack a joke in studio class, in front of the entire studio AND our teacher; "Hey, I live right below you and {REDACTED}, you guys must've had a real fun time last night!".
Ever since, that individual has gone on to not have much of a playing career (luckily). But I have made it a personal mission to make sure that he never gets an ounce of work in our area.
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May 6, 2024
𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 #𝟗
𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔
𝘚𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘈𝘮𝘢𝘻𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘈𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘈𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘘𝘰𝘍𝘋 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘰𝘴. 𝘞𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮-𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘣𝘰𝘹 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘢𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘻𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘮𝘦.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏
It is horrifying and heartbreaking to read about fancy musicians’ treatment of women. Unfortunately it reminds me of a story.
Very early in my time at {BFMS} I was invited to play excerpts for a BFoboist in his studio. I knew nothing about him except his hallowed position. I was naively excited for the opportunity, and no one told me this guy had issues. I TRUSTED him because of his resume and job. Big mistake. After playing a little of my concerto for him, he suddenly stopped me and began screaming. In a tirade, he yelled that I was “NOTHING and would get nowhere, that I had NO ideas of my own”. Then he grabbed my sheet music, which had all of my undergrad teacher’s markings. BFOboist asked me if they were my markings. I said no, they were from undergrad teacher X. He continued yelling, saying seeing my teacher’s markings on my music proved I could never be creative. I was NOTHING because the notes were a crutch. Did I understand him? NOTHING.
He then took a pencil and angrily erased all the markings of my undergrad teacher. I could only think to go silent and still. There was abuse in my past so I thought being quiet was the best thing—he was unglued. I had no other tools to know what else to do, which is hard for some younger players to understand. Very few back then said anything. There were not many of us anyway. We were trained to shut up.
So I acted like I appreciated his help because I did not want to show weakness. When I got back to my apartment I cried a lot, then carefully traced all my teacher’s markings back into the music. I never knew why he was this way with me, and I made sure to never see him again.
Though I’ve had a good career, this kind of crap did major damage in my head. I took this guy’s words to heart for a while and decided he was right—I was nothing and not creative. After all he had a Big Job, right? I completely internalized what he said, even quitting for a short while. I struggled with nerves and depression. I became tough-acting and sometimes vulgar in speech to keep creeps away. It probably turned off some nice people but I just wanted to be safe. It has taken a lot of work with trauma counselors to sort it out. Because there are other stories too.
But for all who struggle, there is hope. Don’t give up! I decided to put the emotions I felt into every piece I played even if I was shaking. And I used that concerto music for every audition. I won four out of 16 auditions and have sat in three major orchestras.
And fyi, I still use that sheet music for concerto performances, looking at my tracings and the scrapes the BFM oboist made. It makes me smile. It’s my way of saying “You didn’t know ANYTHING after all.”
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟐
Along with assisting in the writing of an article (originally done by the {REDACTED UNIVERSITY} student paper–cannot say enough about those students and their advisor), I was sexually harassed and made a social pariah by {REDACTED BAND DIRECTOR} as a student at one of his prior positions. Having connected with victims at every single one of his previous positions, having seen what I saw in my own time with him as a student about the way he systematically victimized young women en masse, and knowing what we know about reported instances like those detailed in this article, it’s safe to say that {REDACTED BAND DIRECTOR} has hundreds of victims all over the country. Though I try hard not to keep up with him because it is too painful and retraumatizing, he is still teaching last I heard. No amount of suffering will ever be enough to cost that man his access to young victims.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟑
Dear {MUSIC DEPARTMENT CHAIR AND CO-CHAIR},
I hope this email finds you well. I am an alumnus of the {REDACTED SEC SCHOOL} department of music. I am sure that you are both aware of the situations regarding both the musicians of the {BIG 5 ORCHESTRA} as well as {BFM OF EUPHONIUM}. While these are both the most widely publicized incidents that have come to light, I feel that I should also voice my concerns about the {REDACTED UNIVERSITY} and its handling of similar incidents during my time studying there.
While I was a {REDACTED SEC SCHOOL} student, I studied {REDACTED BRASS INSTRUMENT} with {REDACTED}. As a freshman I was recommended a collaborative pianist who in the past worked closely with {REDACTED}. While my first two years were relatively uneventful I do note in retrospect a sort of “boys club” vibe that pervaded the studio. No joke was out of bounds; no matter how crass, in private lessons, coachings, as well as studio class and tuba euphonium ensemble rehearsals. Then, in my junior year of undergraduate studies, I noticed a shift. The {REDACTED BRASS INSTRUMENT} graduate student at the time, a woman, as well as my collaborative pianist both seemed out of sorts, stressed, and singularly disturbed about something I did not know. I later found out, at a regional {REDACTED BRASS INSTRUMENT} competition in {SOUTHERN CITY}, that the reason for their distress was because of the sexual harassment complaint brought forth to the university against {REDACTED} by one of these peers. Following this, he had then still been allowed to bring his female students with no outside supervision to {REDACTED SOUTHERN CITY} in the aftermath. In addition to the sexual harassment complaint I also learned he then harassed his female graduate student, calling her “brainwashed” and all but disowning her, as well as making disparaging comments to other male members of the studio regarding her appearance. I also learned that I had been kept in the dark about this by everyone in the {BRASS INSTRUMENT} studio, because as his (lightly used term here) “star student” I would react negatively to this news, likely in his defense, as some other men in his studio did.
Following this incident, I was informed of the depth of his indiscretions and shown “the receipts,” as one might say today. I was truly horrified at the messages {REDACTED} sent to this STUDENT of the music department, as well as the physical advances he made on her. I was also horrified that, as a male student in his studio, I was expected by everyone in the studio to likely side with him upon learning about this behavior. On the contrary, as a gay man, I have no skin in this “boys club” culture and came to the defense of my peer. I ultimately provided a deposition to the office of Equal Opportunity on campus about how his behavior after the sexual harassment report negatively affected both her, myself, and the entire studio, as he essentially blacklisted her and caused the students who worked with her to incur double the costs—if we worked with her we had to rehearse, provide recordings to him and receive feedback, and then correct issues in a second rehearsal. I was told I would remain anonymous, but the details of my academics would be available (I was the only senior {BRASS INSTRUMENT} performance major at the time). {REDACTED} blocked me on all social media and I then felt that any support he had for me regarding graduate school, recital support, etc. had been pulled from beneath me.
From what I saw moving forward, no real action was taken against {REDACTED} and many of his colleagues defended him and his actions. I also believe that the university did not find him in the wrong, though I am not sure why. Since these events, {REDACTED} has hosted {BFM OF EUPHONIUM}, as well as {FANCY BRASS MAN}, another known (and fired) abuser of women, to work with his students on campus, and to my knowledge there has been no pushback from the university administration.
I know this is a lot of text to digest, and it comes several years too late. But in the wake of recent events I feel that I should provide some insight into the culture of the low brass department at your school. {REDACTED} kept a studio of complicit men and subjugated women who were expected to keep quiet about any wrongdoings. As a man, I was expected to conform to that, and was swiftly faced with reprisal the moment I sided with the truth. To this day I do feel my education prospects following my undergraduate suffered because of this incident, but that suffering is nothing compared to the suffering he caused my female peers in the studio, and to this day I am sorry that I did not advocate for them beyond what I did then.
Since then I have won a professional job playing the {REDACTED BRASS INSTRUMENT} and have given dozens, if not hundreds of masterclasses and performances at high schools and colleges/conservatories across the United States and Europe. During many of these I have been asked where I studied, and where I might recommend them to pursue undergraduate/graduate work. Sadly, until the culture at your institution changes I have never been able to recommend the {REDACTED SEC SCHOOL} to any of these prospective music students, and when asked about my time there I feel morally obligated to let them know that the music department harbors abusers and also refuses to hold them accountable.
I do not know exactly why I feel the need to send you this email now, other than a sense that I didn’t say enough when I should have- and that in light of these recent reports, you should know that no matter the platitudes or support you may show these victims online, or if {REDACTED} makes any public statement of support, it will fall upon deaf ears as the hypocrisy it is. I urge you both and the music department to catalyze a culture change that protects all music students regardless of sex/race/sexual orientation/gender expression, discourage an environment where “boys will be boys,” and hold those of your own accountable, as should have been done years ago.
I truly urge you to affect positive change and make {REDACTED} the school I thought it was when I was a bright eyed freshman.
Thank you for your time and your consideration.
Respectfully,
{REDACTED}
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟒
When I was 18, almost 30 years ago, I was a violist in the Oklahoma Sinfonia, the Tulsa, OK Pops orchestra. It no longer exists. We had pianist Mikhail Yanovitsky as a guest artist for one of our concerts. After the concert, he asked if I would show him around the city the next day. I did. At the end of the day he invited me up for a drink in his hotel room. I was naive and went because I "didn't want to be rude," but mostly just didn't know how to say no. He asked me to sit on his lap and he started touching me, my chest, under my clothes, I resisted, then he said, "It's okay, it's okay" and kept doing what he was doing. I pushed him off of me, grabbed my purse, and ran out of the hotel room. I tried to mention it to the conductor at the next rehearsal, but he just looked at me blankly and ignored me. I wish I could remember the conductor's name.
I few years ago I looked him up and found this: https://www.inquirer.com/.../mikhail-yanovitsky-piano-sex...
I called the Philadelphia police department and made a statement about my experience. I have not heard anything from them or heard what happened to him ultimately.
Another one...my voice teacher when I was living in New York, Thomas Lo Monaco, from 2003-2005, was very fond of my voice initially. I was his favorite at master classes. One day he told me not to hug him goodbye because he liked it too much. I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing. After that he treated me with disdain and tore me apart at master classes. I found another teacher.
–Deborah Avery
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟓
Hi there! I just recently started following you after the article on Cara came out. I am a female {BRASS INSTRUMENT} myself, having done my undergrad and masters degrees in {BRASS INSTRUMENT} performance. I would like to anonymously share my own BFM story with you, but I will exclude his name as it would make my own identity obvious.
This was at a {BRASS INSTRUMENT CONFERENCE} a number of years ago. This BFM was the headlining performer at the conference. My colleagues and I were working as volunteers at the conference this year. Myself and another young woman in my studio were assigned to “shadow” this man on his final performance (basically fetch him water or a music stand, whatever he happened to need). We go to this back room before his concert where he is smoking cigars and socializing with 5 or 6 other male trumpet players who were also artists at the conference. We nervously ask him if he needs anything (we have this man on a pedestal in our minds, he is a big one). All he needs? Hugs. Not normal, nice-to-see-you hugs, but I-wanna-feel-you-pressed-against-me hugs. I don’t remember exactly how long he hugged each of us, but it felt like an eternity.
I remember very clearly looking over his shoulder at the other men, other trumpet artists in the room, and all of them were just staring at the floor. All of them obviously very uncomfortable, but none of them said a word. We were very young women, and put in a very awkward situation to deny someone of his stature. After he was done hugging us he said “Now I can play sweetly!” I smelled like his cologne and cigars for the rest of the night, and felt so gross. I don’t even remember his concert, just being disappointed that in my mind he was now just a creepy old man.
Makes me wonder if two of the very few female studio members were picked for him for a reason. I don’t imagine he would be asking for long tight hugs if the two of us were men.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟔
With all the stories coming out over the last few weeks, I feel it’s the right time to tell mine. Thank you to Cara, Claire, and everyone else who has shared their own, I legitimately could not without the strength and vulnerability that you’ve all shown.
Last year was my first year with a graduate program that I was genuinely so excited to be a part of. It was serious validation for a lot of hard work, and I was excited to learn as much as I could from everyone around me. For the most part, I did. (I thought that) All of the {REDACTED} players were amazing to work with and learn from, and we had a pretty positive work environment for most of the year.
At the end of one of the final concert cycles last year, we had a small get together to celebrate wrapping up the semester. Everyone brought food and their own drinks, and we sat and drank and enjoyed each other’s company. When the party started to wrap up, we realized that a section member had drank a significant amount from a bottle of liquor that he had brought with him. He was a pretty quiet guy in general, so we didn’t realize how drunk he was until he tried to get up. The group quickly tried to clean up and work out who was going to get him home, and we all decided to walk him back together (he lived about two or three blocks from where we were hanging out). While we were getting our things together, he started hugging, grabbing, and being overly physically affectionate with me and one or two of the other horn players. Admittedly, I just thought “oh he’s really drunk, I’ll bring it up tomorrow but there’s nothing to worry about right now”. For that, I’m so sorry. I thought he was my friend, and that he had just drank too much and needed help home.
We got him back to his apartment, and eventually people started to leave. Two other members and I decided to stay and make sure he made it to bed safely. One was in the kitchen, and I was in the living room with the other horn player trying to keep him sitting down and to get him to drink water. During one attempt to get him to sit on the couch (with the other guy moving to sit on the other side of the couch), he pulled me in front of him to sit with him, put his arm around me, and started to tell me and the other horn player that “he loves us” and started to press himself up against me and grab me inappropriately. I think it only happened for a minute, but I’m honestly not sure. I repeatedly tried to push him off and tell him to stop, but he wouldn’t let me get up or move. He then climbed on top of me to lean across and try to kiss the other horn player, who pushed him off. He hit the other horn player on the side of his head, and turned his attention to me. I froze and stopped moving, and he started groping me, saying “I love you” over and over, and grabbed my face and started forcing me to kiss him. The other horn player (that he just hit) quickly got up, pulled me with him, and got us out of the apartment.
I honestly panicked after. I felt like it was my fault, that “people make mistakes when they are drunk”, and there was “no reason to make this a larger problem than it already was by reporting it”, or that I was “making it sound way worse than it actually was”. I even called the other guy involved a few minutes after we left to try to talk myself out of thinking this was a serious issue (thankfully, he didn’t really give me an opportunity to do that). My friends took amazing care of me, and made the next few weeks so much easier. On the advice and agreement of those I cared about in the program, we told this guy to leave the program immediately and we have not seen or heard from him since. However, I wished that I had handled this differently. I started a Title IX report, but still have not finished it. Everything here has helped me find the motivation to reestablish contact with the Title IX Office to at least finish the report (first meeting is scheduled for this afternoon), so thanks for that. I’ve received so much kindness from brass and classical music communities over the last year and it’s truly been wonderful, and I hope to start passing that along as best as I can. For now, I’m hoping that by sharing this with you I can finally go a day or two without thinking about it. Furthermore, I hope it helps someone else who struggles to talk about their experience to share it when they’re able to. Sending you all so much love, compassion, and appreciation for sharing your stories and helping carry others .
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟕
I have only met {FANCY UK BRASS GUY} once. He was rude and self absorbed, only interested in meeting people who could advance his career. I don’t have a personal harassment story but have heard the following:
1 . my friend saw him getting a hand job from a high school girl on an elevator at a low brass conference. The friend is one of the people who have commented online that they were a target of {REDACTED BFM OF EUPHONIUM}—groped under the table at a workshop at Interlochen. Also every time she encountered him at a conference.
2 Another story about {FANCY UK BRASS GUY} is from about 25 years ago: He targeted a high school girl at a summer camp sponsored by (redacted big fancy US brass band). Her father found out and threatened to sue the organization. They managed to avoid it-I don’t know how-but they kept him in the band. Still there. ONE BFM refused to play if they kept {FANCY UK BRASS GUY} and resigned. ONE very good man. RIP good guy.
3. A friend of mine (one of his peers) heard him going up to young women at a bar (probably some hang) asking them to sit on his face.
4. A retired college teacher used to occasionally have him come to their school (because he was such a great player ) but then found he (teacher) had to supervise him constantly around the students. Quit inviting him.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟖
Another story to relate.
I was representing the company I worked for at the {REDACTED TROMBONE WORKSHOP} (run by the {REDACTED US MILITARY BAND}) some years ago. The trombone class from {REDACTED Midwest Music School} was in attendance as featured ensemble. In that ensemble were several young women, one of whom was sexually harassed by {Redacted English bass trombone } Fortunately the matter was reported to the organizers of the event. Mr bass trombone was subsequently kicked off base, and informed he was never to return to the base. At least in that instance some small amount (if not perhaps enough) of justice was served.
Thank you for everything you're doing.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟗
I’m the {REDACTED NEWSPAPER} {REDACTED NORTHEAST MUSIC SCHOOL} whistleblower from the {YEAR} article. My story is very similar to Cara’s. I was also drugged. They weren’t able to publish that because I wasn’t tested and they only publish things with a paper trail in case they get sued. The reporter found that there was a culture of drugging students who didn’t have much experience with alcohol so they could be gaslit into thinking “oh you just drank too much and blacked out” and shift blame. There was a ton more to this than published because of the legal team.
{BFM SAXOPHONE} is another serial predator that was named in the article and there was recently an article that came out trying to pull him back into the public eye. It’s insane how this journalist addressed the article in their attempt to give {BFM SAXOPHONE} a “comeback”. They even used his association with women as a reason why he probably isn’t a predator and the {REDACTED NEWSPAPER} attacked him for no reason. Notably, they quoted {FANCY WOMAN} who “doesn’t know enough about what happened” but suggested he’s worked with women so he’s got to be a good guy. He legally bullied one of his victims. She got tired and didn’t contest so he “won”. This reporter who wrote this attempt at a redemption article is unreal. Cannot believe he wrote what he wrote.
{FANCY WOMAN} is who they put in charge of some justice and gender group at {REDACTED NORTHEAST MUSIC SCHOOL} that they formed when students started protesting when the article initially came out. They had fired 11 teachers for sexual misconduct. She is supposed to be a leader on this, yet “doesn’t know the details”. Women who protect men are rewarded.
I could go on and on. There were subsequent articles that came out naming other men from {NORTHEAST MUSIC SCHOOL}.
I’ve had a hard time having the courage to post about or talking about all the latest that’s been brought to light publicly. When I reported my drugging and rape to {NORTHEAST MUSIC SCHOOL}, {REDACTED BRASS GUY} was only fired because I had proof (text messages and description of certain markings on his genital ). I didn’t say anything to anyone else, yet he was paid through his contract because the teachers union defended him. I was trashed by the faculty because he has a bunch of kids and was the bread winner in his house. One of my other private lessons teachers who is in a big fancy brass quintet now told me I was trouble and “like his sister” being dramatic because I started crying in a lesson. I could go on.
Years later the {REDACTED NEWSPAPER} reached out to me. I didn’t want to relive it. I miraculously had a successful career in {BIG NORTHEAST CITY}, but I just thought maybe by having the {NEWSPAPER} print it change could happen and if I could be anonymous at least it wouldn’t come up when I was googled. It felt like change was happening after the article came out and students had the reaction they did. Now that it’s been a few years, I wonder if it did help. Did anything change? I had to suffer through another wave of hearing my story from people who didn’t know it was me and saying they thought the article was BS to my face. I had to suffer through people who did know it was me and covertly tried to sabotage my career. “Yeah she’s a good player but there’s something about her vibe…”. I could go on for ages but I think we all can imagine what discussion and attacks happened.
I hope there is more solidarity and communication going forward between all women in all genres. We are stronger together.
As for me, in many ways I feel broken and scared to speak up. I feel like a coward because I feel this way now. Does that mean they have “won”?
Thanks for your work. Please take care of yourself. I’ve hesitated reaching out because this is a heavy load for anyone.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟎
I have a {REDACTED BFM TUBA} story (and this is not the most egregious one, it's just the one I'm comfortable sharing right now. There are so many, though. By the way, his father says boys will be boys). I went to high school with the guy, and he was 3 years older than me. I returned home from college {BRASS MAJOR} one summer and ran into this asshole at the mall. He was a grad student, and I was an undergrad and his comment to me was 'you could be one of my students...and you could bang me for an A'. My response 'Or I could sue you for sexual harassment and get an A regardless.' He's always been an arrogant SOB who seemingly gets away with a lot of things.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟏
I’ve been silently reading your posts and thank you for your work.
In the last month, my sexual abuse case against my high school orchestra conductor, who sexually abused me during the time I was a high school student, settled in my favor, with the high school conductor admitting he sexually abused me when I was his student.
It is very, very difficult to come forward with a sexual abuse case as abusers tend to be highly charismatic people who have have engendered tremendous support in their respective communities, and survivors tend to be seen as “flawed”, “asking for it (he didn’t attack me so you must have done something to cause it)”, complaining losers (“he was a great guy and so much fun- aren’t you just trying to get some attention?”), talentless or “mediocre talent” (I was the concertmaster of the orchestra from my first semester of high school to the last, so not the argument at this time- but someone actually remarked “I always had a boyfriend so he didn’t bother me, and why are you still bringing this up— get over it” and another woman remarked “ he really respected me, so he did not do THAT to me”) and almost no one, even other women who have been sexually assaulted by the abuser, will support you (and almost no one did). I will say that the person who did support me was a fellow Male student, who remembered and testified to the behavior of my abuser.
The attorneys for the defense were both women who viciously attacked me on every conceivable theory from: (1) I’m a loser and have done nothing with my life ; (2) I had a “school-girl crush” so I wanted it; (3) Money.. (4) Addicted to drugs/alcohol (no and no).
For anyone doubting Ms. Needleman and her work ( or attempting to belittle her work due to a choice of words), please keep in mind that sexual abuse/assault/ harassment takes place in music continuously at all levels ( music teachers tend to have a high preponderance of sexual abuse cases), it is a relatively recent event that survivors( men and women)have been heard and cases investigated, there is almost no upside to reporting the abuse as you will attacked, isolated, and tainted, and - even getting a favorable result , does not make you “feel better”.
No one should be sexually assaulted, abused, harassed in their lessons, school, college, job, community group or have to feel that (1) If I had only not taken that class; (2) Taken that audition; (3) Gone to that master class; (4) opened that door; (5) Studied an instrument ; (6) Gone to that job; (7) Gone on that tour with that group..
Please note that the abuse/harassment did not end (or begin) in high school: Prior to high school, a male private teacher began commenting on my body, hair, and eyes and asking me if “I was reading about “sex” - when I was 11. I began to be stalked (still today) by a male trumpet player who at one point attempted to break into my residence. After high school, I was subsequently stalked by a music instructor at a conservatory ( I told the female department head of the school and she did nothing), sexually harassed by many instructors at the music school from which I received my BFA to which nothing was done despite telling my female instructor (she made fun of me for objecting to a instructor referring to me as “whore” ) the dean of the music school and the president of the school, sexually harassed at the German music academy (to which I had won an award for study)by my instructor from the point of my audition to the day I concluded my studies (everyone knew about his constant sexual harassment/abuse of female students but to this day he is very beloved), physically assaulted ( I fought them) and repeatedly sexually harassed when I went on tour, sexually harassed by members of the orchestras (brass and strings) in which I played, and sexually harassed by the instructors in orchestra training institutes, music festivals, and summer programs in which I played and studied.
This does not even begin to cover the male musicians who constantly felt that I should receive impromptu evaluations of my playing, no matter their abilities or position (even colleagues and other students).
Lastly, the consequences of objecting to abusers are swift and severe: you are almost immediately ridiculed and undermined as a person and especially in your musical abilities, and almost no one -other women) will come to your defense for fear of this behavior being turned on them.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your continued work on this subject. If you have any questions, please let me know.
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May 7, 2024
𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 #𝟏𝟎
𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘶𝘴𝘶𝘢𝘭, 𝘴𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦. 𝘈𝘭𝘴𝘰, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘤. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘵𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘧𝘧 𝘰𝘯 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘰𝘨, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴 𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘺. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵, "𝘖𝘩, 𝘧𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵. 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘉𝘍𝘔 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦--𝘮𝘦!--𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳, 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵. 𝘏𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩 𝘴𝘪𝘹 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘥𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘭." 𝘈𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘯𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘪𝘴, 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘧𝘧 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘍𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘪𝘯𝘣𝘰𝘹.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏
I live in South Africa and although I have a music degree, we do not have a lucrative classical music industry here. As such I have a corporate job and play for community orchestras and adhoc gigs where I can.
I am a violinist and play in a section where one of the violinists was an old man who had wandering hands. All the female violinists knew about it and we made a pact to never be alone with him. My ex husband walked everywhere with me because I was so grossed out by this man. I complained to the orchestra management after he touched my thigh repeatedly. I was laughed off. And… at our next gig, a professional opera, I was placed next to him. After all of that. When there were other men they could have put him next to (or alone, he was a poor player).
My greatest relief was when he died.
I know it’s nothing compared to what you and others have shared and endured. But I wanted to share my story from across the world in solidarity.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟐
There was a fully tenured Piano Professor at {REDACTED BFMS at a major Mid-West University} who was fired mid-year in 2023 after multiple cases of sexual misconduct with students. Some of the details from students indicate severe predatory targeting of students who he thought would not speak up, mainly young Asian or international students. Without a gap, {REDACTED University in the Southwest} hired him after he was fired, maybe they were so excited that this was a Professor from a major school, so they didn’t ask any questions, or maybe they didn’t do background checks, or maybe they chose to ignore it….who knows. Amazingly, few weeks ago, major {REDACTED BFMS in Midwest} just announced this person as new piano faculty, even after all of this. I think a lot of people nationwide are disgusted by this, it shows a public display of a lack of care for students when you are placing a predator on the faculty. The fact that someone can be fired for sexual misconduct and then hired immediately at another University, there is something so wrong with this. Why would they knowingly hire someone with this past? Didn’t they do a background check? Did the reference calls just lie when they were asked? It shows that all of the systems are broken….
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟑
I am a male euphonium player and a graduate student (for a different classical music-related field, not euph) and although I’m not really focused on performance right now, I still hear a bit about the tuba/euph world and the bad behavior of some well-known individuals in it. All of this info is second hand, but I thought you might like to know some of these names if you don’t already:
[Euphoniumist/Composer, known in the Tuba/Euph world] is apparently a crazy white supremacist, still gets invited to events like the international tuba/euph association conferences
[Prolific composer/tubist] is a convicted sex offender who still gets teaching/playing gigs, despite already having a very public downfall
[Principal tubist of a major American orchestra, and university prof] gave a warmup class at a festival I was at and called a group of people autistic simply for being there to play tuba that early in the morning, went on to talk about guns and “not doing woke stuff.”
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟒
After years as a violinist in the US, I moved to Italy. I had never felt overwhelmed by a general sense of sexism in life and music to the degree that I am here. Just look at a picture of the orchestra I frequently sub with (a major orchestra of a big city) and it's obvious that women are considered "less than" professionally. Often this idea comes from the women themselves. One female colleague of mine in a different ensemble was upset that a woman had been named artistic director. "Only a man can properly perform that role!"
For the last few years I've pursued further studies in early music. The situation in this genre is even more dire than in symphonic orchestras, in terms of raw numbers of men versus women and certainly in terms of who is entrusted with principal and leadership positions.
About a year ago I learned that a teacher at the school where I studied early music, along with his favorite ex-student (together they were a real "bros" duo), were accused of drugging and raping another student. The whole thing has been kept very hushed. For months I knew that something had happened, but I didn't know what, until charges had been officially brought and a close ally of the survivor felt justified in getting it off her chest to me, now that it was about to be a matter of public record. Once I found out, I realized that allies of the perpetrators had been protecting them on numerous occasions by diverting attention away from rumors. I don't know if the school administration was ever informed.
Just a few days after I found out about these allegations, I was scheduled to play a final exam in which the teacher in question was sitting on the jury. Within my soul, I questioned and questioned whether I should protest, go to the school office and demand that he be fired, or at least refuse to play if he were on the jury. But I only had secondhand (although highly reliable) information: gossip, really. For all the normal reasons – not wanting to ruin the career of a highly respected and famous musician over unproven rumors, not wanting to torpedo my chances at graduating by speaking up, etc. – I went ahead with the exam and just did my best to avoid him.
Fast forward to last week, when I played my master's recital. Again, this teacher was on the jury, and I said nothing. I know the case is slowly working its way though the legal system, but still he has his teaching position and his fancy international tours and his brilliant career. Meanwhile, the Article, an explosion of Facebook followers and your wonderful work were bringing so much to light about women in classical music. Again, even more than at my previous exam given the social media context, I felt as if I were betraying the survivor by shutting up and playing.
I'd poured my heart and soul into my thesis and the preparations for my recital. It's the best and most significant work I've ever done. I couldn't fathom losing all of this, but I can't shake the feeling that I've thrown another woman under the bus. That's why I felt compelled to write to you, almost like a confession. It's infuriating that sexual predators get away with anything while their victims pick up the pieces, and even uninvolved people are forced to confront difficult choices and live with them, because the whole system protects that kind of man and enshrines that kind of behavior.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟓
Back in 1998, I attended a conducting masterclass in {EAST COAST CITY} led by {REDACTED INTERNATIONAL BFM CONDUCTOR}. The seven young padawans trying their best to lead the {FMS} Orchestra were all male. The program included Brahms’ Haydn Variations. During the “hunting horn” variation, {BFM CONDUCTOR} interrupted the proceedings, as he seemed unhappy with the somewhat uninvolved playing of the horn section. To get him to motivate the players to get the ‘right’ expression, he told his young conducting student an anecdote: “You know, I have great horns in the {BIG 5 ORCHESTRA}. When they are playing this part, do you know what I tell them they are hunting for? I tell them they are hunting for girls!”
I wish I could say that the cringes in reaction to this statement outnumbered the laughs, but that wasn’t the case. I won’t forget the truly pained facial expressions of the female {PRINCIPAL} and {CO-PRINCIPAL}. It wasn’t funny even back then to suggest that women are literally to be viewed as prey to be hunted. This isn’t and should never be a matter of changing mores. And the age or cultural provenance of the conductor is no excuse either.
Of course, {BFM CONDUCTOR} had long left the orchestra by the time the two perps of the current scandal were hired. But the thing about organizational culture is that it doesn’t change by people being left to their own devices. It changes through conscious and sensitive leadership at the top. The leadership sets the tone. Humans are social animals. If the boss signals that it’s OK to view women as prey, any underling may try to show his loyalty to the tribe by treating women exactly the way they higher ups say they should be treated. If the head stinks, the whole place rots. Even if the top dog didn’t give a specific order to act in a particular way. This is what the term “rape culture” means. When a joke about women as prey to be hunted elicits laughter instead of cringes and rebukes, your organization has a rape culture.
A workplace that nurtures and supports women and minorities ultimately brings out the best in everyone. Obtuse leadership gives carte blanche to predators.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟔
CW: suicide
𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬, 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝟗𝟖𝟖 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐂𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲'𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐯𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝟐𝟒 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐚 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬.
Thank you for your beautiful loud voice that is being heard.
I just wanted to share this story of Rebecca Buxton, a clarinet/saxophone friend I went to music school with. She committed suicide in 2015, and in her final words you will see she called out the instrumentalist world, especially jazz, for being among the most sexist there is. She was always bravely paving the way in those male filled jazz bands at school. I could see it was lonely for her and I could feel she wasn’t as respected being a woman, but yet she persisted, all the way to NYC.
I’ve always wanted her words to be more heard since she wrote them at her passing in 2015…
Final message from Rebecca Buxton.
𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴,
𝘛𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘢𝘯𝘹𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘶𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘢𝘭 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦. 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴. 𝘐 𝘯𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘰 𝘥𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘷𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘩𝘺𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘴, 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘐'𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴, 𝘫𝘢𝘸, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘵. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦, 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺, 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘯𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦, 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘳, 𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘧𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥, 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭, 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳.
𝘐𝘧 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘐'𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘦, 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘹𝘪𝘴𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘤𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘦𝘭𝘥. 𝘔𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘤 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘶𝘴, 𝘺𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 - 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘫𝘢𝘻𝘻 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 - 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘹𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘪𝘴𝘵. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘹𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘦𝘭𝘥, 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘞𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥, 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦𝘥, 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘦𝘹𝘪𝘴𝘮.
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘮 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘵 𝘢 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘨𝘦, 𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘯, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘴. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘧𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 - 𝘢 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘮𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘯𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴. 𝘐'𝘥 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 1% 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘫𝘢𝘻𝘻 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘥𝘦𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 - 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘸𝘦'𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘢 𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘨𝘦. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘥, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦. 𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘴, 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦𝘥.
𝘐𝘧 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥, 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴. 𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦. 𝘚𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘦. 𝘔𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘦. 𝘜𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯, 𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘦, 𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘮 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴.
𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴. 𝘐𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧. 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘭.
𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘙𝘦𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘤𝘢 𝘉𝘶𝘹𝘵𝘰𝘯
𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬, 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝟗𝟖𝟖 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐂𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲'𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐯𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝟐𝟒 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐚 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬.
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May 10, 2024
𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 #𝟏𝟏
𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏
I don't think my abuser can be considered a "Big" Fancy Man. He does hold several orchestral principal positions, though, so I'm going to call him a Medium Fancy Man of Trombone, MFMT for short.
I grew up with this MFMT. He is a few years older than me, and we were childhood friends. We became close friends in our high school band program. He was clearly gifted and always aspired to become a professional musician, and no one had any doubt that this would happen for him. He was always kind and supportive to me, and we continued to visit each other in college and graduate school. Sometimes, we hooked up casually and consensually, which makes the story hard to understand.
In 2019, we were at a music educators' convention, and he raped me. I had 2 beers at the hotel bar and was black-out intoxicated. In hindsight, I know he must have slipped some drugs into my beer. When I came to, I was in his hotel room. I was choking (on my own vomit, as it turns out), at which point I was rolled to my side and eventually crawled my way to the bathroom. I tried to clean the vomit off of my clothes and myself in the shower but couldn't stand. I decided that it was best to sleep it off and find my way home the next day.
When I crawled back into bed, I cocooned myself in the duvet, but the MFMT ripped me from the covers and penetrated me from behind. I cried, screamed, and tried to move away, but he was persistent. I even had a menstrual cup in my vagina! I managed to get away the next day, and spent the day in bed watching ambient TV. Human psychology is amazing, and I was able to compartmentalize the events for a month until I had a triggering conversation right before a therapy session. My therapist helped me understand what happened and helped me heal as I endured the onslaught of nightmares and crippling anxiety.
Due to my brain's magical compartmentalization, I knew I could do nothing in the American court system. No rape kit, no nothing. Just his word against mine. I managed to tell my story to a few important people, and he was consequently blacklisted by many local organizations. He has since moved out-of-state, but he continues to play in professional orchestras. I'm glad that my local organizations heard me, and I wish I could do more.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟐
Several years ago, I was on a search committee for a new piano colleague. After the finalists’ visits, we learned that one of them had been terminated from their previous position for an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Fortunately, we decided to eliminate this candidate from our pool (although some of the committee had no problem keeping him on). A couple years later, I heard that he had been hired at {REDACTED UNIVERSITY 1}. I called, spoke with the dean there and told him everything I knew. Nothing was done.
A choral colleague has recently been dismissed from their position for Title IX violations. I just found out that they have already been hired at {REDACTED UNIVERSITY 2}.
Thank you for what you are doing. I don’t understand why administration and colleagues don’t speak out!
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟑
Thank you for everything you do for the music industry and oboe world. I wanted to ask your advice, or at least share my story.
A number of years ago, while at a summer festival, I experienced harassment from a (semi) BFM conductor. Throughout the week, he often winked at me, even sometimes grabbing his crotch while giving me direction in rehearsal. It was apparent to me and to the other students in my section that this conductor was interested in me.
At the end of the week after the concert, the students celebrated as college students do, and I believe this conductor knew that was the case, and tried to take advantage. I promptly received a Facebook request and a message from the conductor after the concert (I had turned 18 that very week at the festival), asking what I was doing and if I'd like to come meet him (presumably at his hotel– the festival was wildly rural and there were few spaces to meet after dark).
I felt immense pressure from my fellow students (who I don't blame, we were all dumb 18 year olds), and from the conductor to follow through. I ended up declining him, but I felt guilty about it (guilty even, for not going) for years afterwards.
It wasn't until the past year or two that I came to terms with how wrong the situation was. I promptly emailed the festival and told them about my experience, and I was assured by the president of the festival that action would be taken. As of a few months later, he has been re-invited to conduct at the festival this summer.
Where do I go from here? Have I done all I can do as a student, or am I obligated to do more? Is the music industry ready to cancel someone most people talk about as likeable, attractive, and queer male conductor?
Thank you for letting me share, if even just to be able to type it and share it with one other person.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟒
The last two concerts on my schedule, I worked with two Redacted Instrumentalists who were both members of Redacted Symphony Orchestra when I was Redacted Principal. Great musicians; I heard both of their auditions, they are prepared, engaged, team players. Then {REDACTED CONDUCTOR} targeted them. He tried to force me to tell one to quit (why? would any MD want to get rid of wonderful players?) He made sure his minions complained about them. He sowed conflict to target several people at once. After {REDACTED CONDUCTOR} committed inappropriate touching acts against me backstage and onstage, I wondered if he victimized the musicians he targeted in the same way. And perhaps other musicians he hired and then turned on. FYI when one signs an NDA, it's still ok to talk to an attorney, law enforcement, and anyone else who can have privileged conversations. {REDACTED CONDUCTOR} conducted several Youth orchestras in three states at different times. And at colleges in several states. He's gone by several different names. I've not been able to find any of his other victims. {REDACTED CONDUCTOR} knows how to cover his tracks. Why must there ten victims or an Article for a survivor to be believed? Please believe me. I'm telling the truth. And no one gets to wring their hands about the "great artists" false dilemma. He's only great at grooming people, silencing survivors, and avoiding consequences.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟓
Another awful story for you— Someone I went to school with at a Big Fancy Music School in Canada was assaulted by a professor, who also plays a principal position in (major Canadian orchestra). He was fired from another music school for evangelizing and seducing his female students. The school I went to hired him knowing this. When the assault of the student was brought to the administration, it came with a confession of guilt from the professor. Despite this, the university did nothing. They claimed to undertake an internal investigation but refused to share the results, claiming that the union prevented them. To this day the professor teaches at the same school, plays in a major Canadian orchestra, and remains highly thought of in the music world.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟔
Hi Katherine! You will never be thanked enough for your outspoken advocacy and for raising the issues that so many, and in particular in the brass world, would prefer to never bring up and discuss lest they have to question whether they are themselves a part of the problem.
A few of the numerous stories that have marked my (very flawed) male perspective. Nothing as huge as some of the other stories that are coming out, but it just goes to show how it's simply everywhere, from the second we walk into music school. I feel a lot of shame and regret for not having always spoken up, whether because of complacency, not knowing what I could do as a student, being so taken by surprise by a situation that I froze, or sometimes downright cowardice – in the end always amounting to not the required support.
I remember having a masterclass in undergrad with {REDACTED FRENCH BFM OF TROMBONE} , who was visiting. He spent a LOT of time working with me and the other male student, enthusiastically going in depth about the music and things we could work on interpretatively (despite some very obvious technical flaws in our playing), and then having very little time for some of the female students, with whom he focussed chiefly on basic technical elements. I didn't really take notice at the time, being occupied with my own growth and what I had learned (as men can afford to do, I guess), and it's only in hindsight that I came to realize thinking back about it how skewed that masterclass had been.
At {REDACTED NORTH AMERICAN BFMS}, the BFM trombone professor is known to have had a restraining order from one of his early students for some form of sexual harassment. This was several years before my studies and it was all hushed so the details are somewhat hard to come by, but it was talked about in the trombone scene, sometimes cryptically, and he remains on faculty. It was just swept under the rug by the university. As far as I know this only happened once, so perhaps it is merely a case of someone who was appointed young, barely older than his students, and who clearly didn't have good notions of boundaries. But I've heard and myself witnessed many other ways in which he can be really toxic, which make it dubious to me that it can be very far from the surface. At the very least, certainly still in my time, it was known that to get a spot in his studio, you had to be much better if you were a woman than if you were a man, and very often female students would only be offered a spot in his studio after first studying with one of the other teachers and proving themselves, at which point he would be willing to bestow upon them the honour that male students could be offered straight away from auditioning.
First after highschool, I attended {REDACTED COLLEGE}. The classical saxophone and woodwind chamber music teacher was known as a creep. From almost day 1 of their studies, female woodwind players knew not to wear low-cut tops and/or cover up with baggy sweaters when going to his teaching room. Every few years he would sexually harass and attempt to groom one of his students. A friend in my year became his newest target and she got many "love" letters from him. I'm not sure how much the administration knew about him, but they must have known enough, because he had a long-standing instruction to leave the outer (solid) door of his teaching room open – which was in the remotest corner of the building, in a separate wing with only a handful of rooms!! – so that the only closed door was the inner door with a window in it. Like the need for this directive isn't an indication that this person shouldn't be teaching in the first place...This directive was widely known by all the students. He left quietly a few years after I was there, but I'm not sure whether he finally got fired, or just retired.
Also at that school, there were stories of a hushed sexual assault a few years prior by a security guard (!) on a student in a basement utility room (possibly urban legend, but given the previous and next stories, it doesn't ring untrue).
At that same school, which has a top jazz program, certain stories were retold in impressed and reverential tones by some of the (male) jazz students about the jazz legends who were teaching them and their antics in their "wild" years. Mostly stories about (hard) drugs, but including several about sex with students in teaching rooms of our school. Given that one older jazz teacher was in fact dating his student while I was there, and was indeed caught by a colleague "in flagrante" in his teaching room (he got fired for it, at least), I never doubted that a lot of the stories about the other jazz "legends" there were true. I witnessed a lot of hero-worshipping in that jazz department, mixed with lots of really toxic attitudes.
I'm ashamed to say that I was fond of that teacher who got fired, and worked closely with him on several of his projects over the next 5 years. I thought it was absolutely right that he had gotten fired, but I had also known already for months that they were secretly but consensually dating, so it didn't register to me as a sign that he was toxic or evil. It should have been obvious to me that I was wrong, I failed to see that consensual or not, it was really problematic given the power dynamic, and I also failed to heed some colleagues who pointed out other red flags about him. On one of those later projects, some years later, a colleague who was a university student and part of the ensemble we had put together, suddenly stopped showing up to rehearsals shortly before the shows, and he trashed-talked her to the rest of us, saying she was flaky and unreliable, and her playing was "not good enough that he could tolerate her absences", and that he therefore had asked her not to return to this or future projects. I learned much later when I next saw her that she had actually quit herself, and not just missed rehearsals and been thrown out. She had been getting more and more involved in the admin tasks of the project, working alone with him a lot, and he had started trying to seduce her. She tried telling him she wasn't interested and to make it stay professional, but he persisted very insistently. She quit the group as she was no longer feeling safe around him. I had been part of bringing her into that group in the first place, and have since felt disgusted with myself for not seeing the red flags and putting her (and most likely others) in harm's way.
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𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 #𝟏𝟐
𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔
𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘣𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘦. 𝘈𝘭𝘴𝘰, 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘘𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘍𝘪𝘭𝘵𝘩 𝘥𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘵. 𝘚𝘰 𝘐 𝘴𝘶𝘣𝘮𝘪𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘗𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘍𝘪𝘭𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘗𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘍𝘪𝘭𝘵𝘩.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏
Hi Katherine - thank you for shedding so much light on these little BFM and their fragility.
About {REDACTED TRUMPET BFM}: his former section {MAJOR US ORCHESTRA} has a little BFM in it who has been problematic. The most egregious instance of predation happened around 30 years ago when he was a regular trumpet master class teacher for a HS. Apparently he latched onto a 16 year old and began grooming her, going so far as to give her rides home, where he allegedly groped her.
Now, he is a bitter old man on his third divorce, and hits on every 20-30 yo musician he meets.
Additionally, when he shows up to teach workshops or master classes he is a total ass to kids, and uses insults to motivate. PoS.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟐
I have a relative by marriage who was a big deal in the trombone world. He taught at a big music school. In the 1960s, he told my dad that he would never give an A to a female student, no matter how good she was. Only guys should play the trombone, it was a misogynistic, exclusive environment all the way. Men only. He taught many big trombonists over the years and he taught the culture as well.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟑
Hi, I really like what you post. I am the {STRING PRINCIPAL} in the {EUROPEAN ORCHESTRA}, where most of the string principals are women. Some years ago, as principal viola in the {UK ORCHESTRA}, I smiled in a rehearsal and got a 2 minute tirade about my attitude and my playing by {BFM CONDUCTOR}. I felt like I was at school again and might pee myself. After that we had a 3 week tour of Mahler in which he refused to conduct the violas. Nobody told him he can't behave like that. in the end the nasty old man gave me flowers as some way of an apology. Too late for me, I'd had a nervous breakdown.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟒
Hi Katherine! I just wanted to say thank you for everything you’ve done and are continuing to do!
I’m a 23 year old clarinetist, and I just finished grad school. There’s so much I’ve been thinking about over the past few years, and even more so since the article came out.
I’ve been so fortunate to not have experienced some of the things other women have, but I’ve noticed that the sexism and inappropriate behavior from male students, teachers, and mentors has gotten noticeably worse since I started grad school. I don’t know if it’s that I’m more aware of it, or if it’s that the farther I advance in my career the worse the men are.
I chose to write to you now because I googled the principal clarinetist of an orchestra I played with over the weekend and the FIRST thing that popped up was document from a court case in which “a jury found him guilty of using his computer to send messages on the Internet to entice an individual he believed to be an underage girl to engage in unlawful criminal sexual activity” I feel so incredibly disgusted that I sat next to this man all weekend, he gave me career and playing advice, and was super friendly to me. If this is literally the first thing that pops up when you Google his name, why would you allow him to play in your ensemble?? Notably, in the 20 minutes of googling I did, I want able to find an artist bio or website for him, but I did find a {NEWSPAPER} article about his conviction. He has had a career change since his conviction, and now works in finance or something like that.
Interestingly, this man is friends/plays together with a major contractor for {REDACTED} who has always made me feel super uncomfortable. This contractor also teaches a class at the school I completed my undergrad and grad degrees at. Every single interaction I have had with him has involved some sort of touch. The first time he ever spoke to me directly, he put his hand on my lower back and kept it there for what felt like an eternity (it definitely wasn’t an accident, quick touch, or reassuring pat, his hand was there for at least a minute, if not more). Every time I interact with him he touches me for too long and in places that feel too personal to me. I think we all can tell the difference between accidental/reassuring touch (like a quick pat on the back or shoulder) and a touch that just feels wrong. This feels wrong. I would also like to add that I wasn’t just interacting with him as a student, I was also the orchestra manager for my school, so he would contact me for work-related things as well. We have also played together in ensembles outside of school, and he acts the same way there too (he is in the same ensemble as the clarinetist I mentioned earlier, and we all played together in an orchestra this past weekend). I’ve heard stories about him from faculty and mentors, as well as words from his own mouth that indicate to me he doesn’t treat women well. A year or two ago he said (during a class discussion) that he “doesn’t hire pregnant women because they’re a liability”.
I don’t know how to balance the fact that this man is the one who has the power to open doors for me (especially as I’m at the very beginning of my career) but also I (and any other woman) will never be safe with him around.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟓
In the late 1980s and early 1990s, most of the top brass bands in the UK were all-male. Additionally, there was racism and homophobia, most of which was done quietly to keep people out - the pipeline. Notably this behaviour was from people who will now be in their mid-60s or older. Younger men dared not challenge for fear of being sacked. Slowly things changed with bands realising they'd need to accept others if they wanted to fill their band with the best musicians. Eventually the biggest change occurred when National Lottery funding was made available to groups which could demonstrate equal opportunities. Yes, lottery money created an inclusive and free-flowing 'pipeline'!
I want to share a story I was told in the 1980s by witnesses to the event. I've never repeated it as it was so disgusting I didn't think anyone would believe me. With the sharing of stories from others, I feel that now is the right time to share this one. It involves a BFM brass player in a UK all-male top brass band. The band was performing with a female guest soloist {REDACTED} who had success in the BBC Young Musician competition. After rehearsing with the band, the lady's instrument remained with the other musicians whilst she changed for the performance. The BFM went to the lady's instrument, removed the mouthpiece and rubbed it against his genitals. Despite there being several witnesses to this event, nothing was done to alert the lady or her supporters.
I now realise that this was done to 'put her in her place'. He couldn't keep her out of the band using the normal system of 'you've not passed our audition'. Instead, he ensured the band was staring at her, waiting for her reaction when she played her first note.
I often wonder what this BFM now thinks of his behaviour towards the lady.
Would he want his own family to be treated this way by men?
Thank you, Katherine, for all that you have done to support equality. By the sharing of stories, we increase awareness of past and present wrongdoings in our workplaces, education systems, hobbies and daily conversations. You are creating a strength which encourages people to challenge attitudes and behaviours. Thank you.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟔
Hi Katherine, I fell for a bunch of lies from a conductor who promised me he would leave his wife for me because i was the best thing that ever happened to him and where had I been his whole life? I know I am at least the 3rd woman he has done this to. He would promise me it was this month that he would leave her. Yes, I know, I'm not without blame but I did fall for all of it. People love him because he is gregarious and charming and charismatic. He lied to me for 2 years until I finally had the courage to love myself more. I am friends with the other gal he did this to and we talk about it and feel shame.I'm sure he has found another naive musician to string along so he can have his cake and eat it too. He is a predator and no one knows his dirty secret. He's easy to spot. he's the conductor that hugs everyone and may even sneak a kiss. He told me that as a conductor you can get away with things. When I think of my years being lied to by him, I feel dirty.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟕
Question for your community— How to React to the Death of Predator?
I received word last night that an individual with whom I had attend school died last night. There are many notes - mostly from men- to this announcement calling him “a great human” and “a visionary “. I have too many memories of him stalking the practice rooms of our school- long after he had graduated— and forcing open the doors of the practice rooms to sexually assault women as they attempted to practice. He also would verbally harass women by asking to see them naked or to brag with which female student he had just had sex, sometimes commenting that he had first had to “make her lose weight” before he would “date” her. The faculty and administration of my school was well-aware of his behavior but put it in the “boys will be boys” category.
How should I respond to all of the kind remarks of the known sexual predator?
Thank you for all of your work and any comments that other individuals may have.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟖
I recently attended a concert given by André Rieu. While it's not really up my street (I was with a friend who needed some company), it was wonderful spectacle; engaging, entertaining, drawing a huge audience into the orbit of classical music and breaking the "sit quietly and applaud at the end" taboos that still pervade in the BFO world. Anyway, I'm not here to open a discussion about the rights and wrongs of such things. I'm here to relay my observations that are more relevant to the current situation in the industry.
As the orchestra took their seats, my attention was instantly drawn to the fact that the majority of the orchestra were female - even the clarinettist! This only served to make my next observation even more stark - Every. Single. One of the brass and percussion players were male. A wall of Black Bow Ties worn by white men. Actually, I must hold my hands up and say that I am making a huge assumption here; there may have been female or non-binary musicians wearing Dinner Jackets, but in my defence, I was seated about three miles from the stage and had a partially restricted view of the screens. Maybe what I mean to say is; it appeared to me that the whole brass and percussion sections were male, and this will have been the perception of the vast majority of the audience.
Not only did this leap out at me, but as the performance developed, it was revealed that four of the percussionists were from the same family - a father and his three sons. That is properly keeping it in the family (as long as you're not female, of course - again, I admit to not knowing if said family contains any females). The selection process for percussion jobs in the orchestra must have some fairly strict criteria.
Lastly, and most disturbingly, during the encores to the performance, as champagne corks were popped and great fun was being had by all, I noted that some of the younger female chorus members were actually sat giggling and flirting on the knees of the middle-aged white men of brass. I couldn't quite believe my eyes, given the uproar since The Article hit. Yes, I know it's all an act, but it's a very dangerous act to promote, and a very dangerous stereotype to allow to persist. It is proudly acknowledged by the organisation that every single aspect of these shows are overseen by Mr. Rieu himself - he chooses the music, he chooses the imagery displayed on the screens, he designs the set, he designs the ladies' dresses, and presumably encourages the musicians to act in the way they did during the encores.
I was actually lost for words.
Full disclosure - male, white, {REDACTED}, professional orchestral musician in a Moderately Fancy UK Orchestra.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟗
Hello Katherine! Long time lurker here- thank you for everything you do! To keep it brief- I heard at our staff meeting yesterday that {REDACTED BFM OF TROMBONE} was uninvited to a residency he was going to have at our university {REDACTED}. It’s a small win and I’m sure there are other organizations doing the same with problematic people, but I think it’s important/helpful to know when there IS a win - even if it’s a small one. Sending you all of the best vibes from {REDACTED}!
MESSAGE FROM JULIE WHITTON
I have wanted to share some of my experiences publicly for years and am so grateful to the women that have come before me and given me the strength and motivation to finally do so. I am sharing names of both institutions and people because they’ve been hiding in plain sight for way too long. And, although I still feel a deeply imbedded fear of retribution, I truly hope that sharing my truth may allow me to move forward.
School and Festivals
In 1996, when I was 17 years old, I was a student at the Walnut Hill School for the Arts (WHS). I had been accepted as a violin student but had decided to switch to the viola because the sound felt more like my voice. I was assigned to the only viola teacher on the faculty at the time, John Ziarko. Walnut Hill had/has a relationship with the New England Conservatory Preparatory School (NEC Prep) where Ziarko was on faculty. He was also my chamber music coach. Over the course of the first several months that I was his student, he would give lingering hugs, tell me he loved me, and began making sexual comments to me. He once suggested that I pull my sundress neckline down a bit lower and suggested that I explore my sexuality with my best friend at the time. I had heard of experiences other female students of his had had with him and knew what was happening was wrong. In hopes of paving the way for others to also come forward, I reported his behavior to the head of the music department at Walnut Hill which led to an investigation. I was required to sit at a table with several (maybe up to 10?) adults from both WHS and NEC prep and detail my experiences. I was allowed to bring my best friend with me for support, but it was terrifying. After the investigation, Ziarko had a letter placed in his file and was required to complete some egregiously short period of counseling. He remained on faculty at NEC Prep, among other schools in the Boston area. He was on faculty at the Greenwood Music Festival and for years I had nightmares about him abusing and harassing young students there. I also ended up without a teacher while facing college auditions and my senior recital after having only played the viola for a few months.
In 1997, the summer after my senior year in high school, I attended the Musicorda Music Festival (now defunct) in Mount Holyoke, MA. I was a runner and the male ‘dorm parent’, Ron Melnick (son of founder Jackie Melnick), noticed and offered to run with me. He was married with a teenage daughter of his own, so I thought nothing of it and welcomed the company. On our first run, he stopped during our run and attempted to kiss me. The same friend from the WHS/NEC Prep investigation was with me at the festival and shortly after this encounter I called my dad and he came and picked us both up immediately, though I didn’t explain why.
I had been told by my teacher at NEC, James Dunham, that I was not the caliber player to audition for festivals such as Taos, or participate in the school’s concerto competition, I became determined to prove Dunham wrong. In 2002 I took a bus to NYC and auditioned for the Marlboro Music Festival. A few weeks later, I received a voicemail letting me know that I had been accepted for the upcoming summer.
I called James to let him know as, for some reason, I still craved his approval. He sounded at least as shocked as I was and asked, “Well, who was on the audition committee?”. I told him that I wasn’t sure. I did, however, know that neither the violist from the Juilliard Quartet nor from the Guarnari Quartet were there. His reponse was, “Ohhhh, that’s how you got in. There probably wasn’t a violist on the committee.” Ouch. Fast-forward to my time at Marlboro.
For the first several weeks, everything seemed fine. One of the professionals in residence was Peter Wiley, cellist and protégé of Dave Soyer. We ended up talking quite a bit and becoming what I thought was good friends. That is until the night he knocked on my door at 2 am clearly looking for something more than conversation. I told him I was going to sleep and shut my door. At an event sometime shortly after that, he started saying inappropriate things to me such as, “I wish my wife weren’t going to be here this weekend because... (insert grossly suggestive look)”. By this point I knew that reporting his advances wasn’t in my best interest but did casually bring up his creepiness in a car ride to a festival organized outing. The driver of the car was staff photographer and son of the Senior Administrator, and he apparently took it upon himself to tell one of the higher-ups. I don’t doubt that his intentions were good, but he had obviously not had experience as a woman in the BFM classical music world. I suddenly noticed that Pete W. was not on campus for several days and when he came back, he walked up to me outdoors during the day and mumbled an apology about not meaning to make me uncomfortable. Apparently, the powers that be had enlisted Marcy Rosen (sole female senior cellist in residence that summer) to speak to him about what had been relayed by the photographer, and Pete’s sudden absence and mumbled apology was the result. The actual result was that I was decidedly NOT invited back to Marlboro (an unusual occurrence from what I had been told) and seemingly black-listed by all of the BFSP (Big Fancy String Players).
Professional Orchestras
The following summer I started performing at the New Hampshire Music Festival in Plymouth, NH. At the conclusion of one Thursday night party, a weekly tradition, a horn player in the orchestra, David Saunders, asked if I had any more beer in my room. I did and was always happy to share so he came up to my room with me. Once the door shut, he approached me and attempted to kiss me. I was shocked and also thought to myself, “Again????”. I awkwardly slunk out of his grasp, gave him a beer, and went back to the others. I never said anything to anyone because 1) he was married with children and I really liked his family and 2) I had absolutely learned by then that the only outcome was likely to be some sort of punishment for me.
At some point during my time at the NHMF I won my first full-time job at the Kansas City Symphony. I was in the viola section which meant we rotated stand partners. There was one older man that I dreaded being assigned to sit with because he *really* liked to put his hand on my knee, get his face close to mine, and stare at me whenever he had the chance. I hated it but, again, knew that there would be nothing but trouble for me if I said anything to anyone. Between that and the perpetual abuse of the orchestra by the Music Director, Michael Stern, I lasted for 3 years before I quit.
I moved to Seattle and began freelancing. I eventually won a section position in the Seattle Symphony in 2011 when my oldest child was 8 months old. It was a financial lifeline for me and my family. I had already been subbing there for a few years and it felt good to have a tenure track position. During the course of my 8 years there, I was verbally abused by my principal, Susan Gulkis, and told by the union president (a fellow violist) that there was nothing that could be done and that she had done that to everyone in the section at some time or another. The union president later came back and told me that I actually could go to HR since her beratement was regarding a contractual issue. I didn’t feel safe doing so as I was not yet tenured. She actively tried to prevent my tenure, but I somehow prevailed. The overall work environment was extremely toxic and there were countless accounts of people being both physically and verbally abused by other orchestra members. I tried to keep my head down and simply do the job I was hired to do. This ended up not being possible.
I was playing in a string quartet outside of work when the #MeToo movement struck. I remember talking about it and mentioning my past in very general terms to the female second violinist in my quartet and saying that I would assume that there isn’t a woman in our industry that hasn’t experienced some kind of sexual harassment or abuse. Her response was, “I haven’t! I guess I’m just not pretty enough.” I’ll just leave that there.
In October of 2018, I was backstage before a 1980’s Pops concert for which we were encouraged to dress 80’s style for. I had on a baggy off-the-shoulder sweatshirt and jeans and a colleague, Steve Bryant, walked up to me backstage at my ‘spot’ and said, “Julie, there’s something about it that makes me want to just pull that top right off of you.” I was enraged. Enough was enough. I proceeded to talk to the new union president and was encouraged to go to HR (this was not the only inappropriate comment Steve had made to me over the years). Suffice it to say, management did not handle it appropriately. I started having extreme anxiety every time I entered or exited the workplace. A few months later I was fired for breach of contract, which is technically valid as I did not have a sufficient doctor’s note for being out sick when I was not actually sick. I requested my full personnel file from the SSO and the notes from my many meetings with HR regarding Steve were in there and they were shocking. It was like reading the Fox News version of my experience. The only other note in my file was regarding a woman violist that was on a one-year contract going to the personnel manager and complaining to them that I was bullying Steve. This was a woman whom I had supported for years, both professionally and personally. When her husband, the English Horn player in the orchestra, had a serious medical condition, I made her two young sons’ lunches for school for a week and brought them dinner more than once. Again, just going to leave that there.
Lest I leave out one of the other highlights from my career, I was yelled at onstage, at a concert, with the principal trumpet player (David Gordon) leaping out of his chair, for having a shield between us. I was embarrassed, horrified, and upset. Everyone noticed both onstage and in the audience. What happened? Nothing.
Cumulative Effects
I haven’t touched my viola in about 4 years and have no plans to ever again. I know it’s not the viola’s fault, but it is the source of immense trauma and pain in my life. I can’t remember feeling joy playing it. I don’t listen to music. I have PTSD and haven’t been able to carve a new path for myself. My kids and I are now on Medicaid and receive SNAP benefits to pay for food.
I am just beginning to try and process my past and start developing a sense of self(worth) and confidence. It has been overwhelming to me to begin to realize the depths of the damage done. As I mentioned at the top, I believe that sharing this is the first step toward finally being able to move forward with my life. I can’t begin to express my gratitude to Lara St John, Cara Kizer, Katherine Needleman, and Claire Pollock for their bad-assery, bravery, and inspiration to share my story. —Julie Whitton
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𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 #𝟏𝟑
𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏
Up until 11 p.m. last night, I was prepared to release a statement today with my name attached to it, so that I could finally say his. The BFM at the Big Fancy Southern Music School. Instead, here I am, hiding behind Katherine so that I can speak the fuller truth…and not get sued. Yes, this BFM threatens to sue people who talk. I’m really afraid of that. Cease and desist letters were apparently sent to a few who spoke with a journalist. I didn’t get one—perhaps because the BFM wasn’t aware that I was talking, too. He is desperately trying to put out all the small fires, but he can’t catch them all…and we’re all talking to one another now.
Recently, I’ve read a number of comments defending the BFM. I’ve read many comments accusing Katherine of needlessly stirring up drama. These are really hard to read, as someone who experienced the BFM first-hand.
And most recently, I’ve read comments asking, why would the members of this studio close ranks around such a person? I can’t speak for everyone who remains silent, but I’ll attempt to illuminate why I did, at least for a few years after leaving the cult.
Early on in my time at this school, I found out that he had an affair with a student. The BFM told me himself, and laughed to me that he had played a lot of great guest-principal-instrument, during that time off. The School knew what had happened, and the punishment for it was essentially a sabbatical. Message received: this school doesn’t have our best interest in mind. We are not safe here.
The perverse disregard for appropriate boundaries in this studio started from day one. The “cult” mentality he works hard to create, in a group of young people who have the same hopes and dreams…over time, this intensity of messaging is used to take people to places that, from the outside, seem incomprehensible. In hindsight it feels like a hazing or a brainwashing occurred…a constant, slow nudging of where appropriate boundaries should be. But when the people coming into the studio are often 18, at the oldest 21…you can probably imagine how easy it is to create this environment. Personally, my sense of loneliness and isolation at this school was so deep. I missed my Mom and Dad. Then enters this seemingly untouchable instructor as your next direct authority figure. You trust them, and believe what they say to you. You want to please them, make them proud of you. It hurts to admit that, even as I type this so many years later.
The methods that were often used to “break people down” in their lessons, and then build them back up (so that he could claim them as “fixed and employed”) were constant. A very intentional use of cruelty that I assumed was “tough love”. Negative comparisons against my classmates. Saying he regretted admitting me to the school. Dire warnings about what life would be like if I didn’t get my shit together and win an audition. Mockery of how I played things. Public mockery in studio classes. Peppered in amongst all of this, enough real instruction that I improved on the instrument. (This is important to note, because I feel like it’s why the vast majority of students stayed in this environment. Because it appears that it’s working so well.)
I told myself, this is what I need. I deserve to be told I’m the worst one here, because I am. And it’s my responsibility to sit here and take my medicine, and fix these deep flaws. Why would he lie to me?
So it’s not a far reach that in addition to cruel methods of contriving improvement on the instrument, that the lessons were also overtly sexual. I was told more than once that I was allowed into this studio because of how I looked. It’s not an exaggeration to say that sexual content was the centerpiece of most of the instruction I received on my instrument. The peak of a phrase was an orgasm. The liquidity of my slurs was vaginal lubrication—and there needed to be a lot, for it to be good. 🤮
All of our lessons were open for observation. Once, a local instrumentalist sat in on one of my lessons and had to catch me after and ask if I was ok…because the nature of the instruction was so sexually explicit. He couldn’t believe it. For me, it was a very average day. I laughed it off—not because it was funny, but because of the depth of shame I felt.
His mandatory studio parties featured themes and costumes (participation required), under-aged blackout drunkenness, alcohol poisoning, and a hot tub.
When a BFM has actual-sex with a student and gets away with it completely, then verbalizing his sexual desire for you, or saying that a slur needs to have the quality of vaginal lubrication, wouldn’t seem risky at all. And for those of us who experienced either his cruelty or his filth, or both—my conclusion was that, this is the price we pay to be here. This is the price I’ll continue to pay as a woman in music. Everyone must experience this? (And everyone I know has.) But I’m just one person who continues to grapple with deep-seated feelings of inadequacy, imposter syndrome, and shame rooted in my experiences there, and so many other stories that occurred in my career even after leaving.
More impactful than my personal experience there, is that watching instructors like the BFM obliterating boundaries without consequence also has a huge effect on our whole community. When students study with teachers who don’t respect them, that’s what they learn to accept from everyone else.
When students witness a style of instruction that is cruelty combined with sex, especially when no punishment is issued as a result…these students can be emboldened to behave similarly in their own careers. Who knows what students who observe these behaviors going unpunished might think they could get away with? If we look at recent news in the classical music world, I think that’s our answer.
I leave this post now to go submit my very first anonymous complaint to The School. After all these years, it still feels humiliating and scary.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟐
{BFM TUBA} was a theory TA when I was an undergrad at {REDACTED STATE UNIVERSITY}. He constantly hit on his students. I don’t think he was ever officially reprimanded but it was well-known.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟑
I received several dick pics from a previously trusted colleague at an {REDACTED BRASS CONFERENCE} back in 2017. We shared stories about our careers, family, and marriages over the years with coffee or lunch and mutual friends at these events for a few years prior and there was never a hint of flirtation or harassment. I’m not sure why this year was suddenly different, other than typical marital strife. I thought it was safe to share this information with a friend in the same boat, but instead he started messaging me in the evenings after a day of lectures and concerts telling me that I looked tense and that I should let him come to my hotel room to give me a massage. When I declined reminding him we were both married, he said “it’s ok, you can just lay there while I do all the work.” His language became more colorful as the week went on. He tried to walk me back to my hotel room on multiple occasions but I would not let him know where my room was located bc I didn’t trust him or his intentions anymore.
At one point he asked me to send him photos, so while I was at dinner with about 10 other people, one of my friends grabbed my phone and sent a dried sausage from his charcuterie to be funny. Everyone saw the stuff he was saying to me and agreed it was weird.
Later that night, while hanging with a group of friends before the evening concert, he messaged me to say he was going to go take a shower. I told him to have fun bc what do you even say to that?
Then it started. The first pic came in through Snapchat and quickly disappeared. The room went silent as my mouth had dropped to the floor in shock and disgust. Nobody could believe it had happened. To our surprise he then sent 3 more and I screenshot that shit. The hotel shampoo was in the corner and everything so we know it was his. When I saw him later that evening at the concert, he acted like nothing had happened. I called him out on it to his face later that night and he acted shocked that I had the guts to say anything. Still wondering how many others have been on the receiving end of his sickness.
My husband arrived the next day to the conference and he avoided us the rest of the time. He reached out months later to brag about a job he won nearby. I told him that I still had the pics and I better not hear a peep about him doing this to anyone else or they’d be sent to his employer.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟒
Our conservatoire invited {CZECH OBOIST} to do a masterclass with us, as he was doing a concert in a local town which was holding a classical music festival celebrating Czech musicians and composers. In this masterclass he said a number of problematic things, which included suggesting that all of us should practice up to 8 hours a day to become an international soloist, but if that is too difficult then we should audition for orchestras, and that if you could not even aspire to be at least an orchestral player, you should only teach (as if teaching does not require an equal if not greater amount of skill).
Anyway, with the male students his general demeanour came across as quite excited and enthusing, he stood up and was engaging, whereas with the female students unfortunately he lacked this excitement and instead sat down and often spoke just from his chair. However towards the end there was a male student who played, who tends to play on quite soft reeds generally. {REDACTED CZECH OBOIST} picked up on this and asked to see his reed, examined it and said it was too soft, too closed, too thin etc. What he then said was "You are big strong man, and I'm sorry to be sexist but your reed is good maybe only for a woman, but not you."
While he said this in front of the 6 students in the audience (half of them were women), it was also in front of our (amazing) head of woodwind who also happens to be a woman. It's also the fact that he prefaced it with "sorry to be sexist," so he knew very well he should not make such comments. Our head of woodwind understandably was furious and challenged him on it at the end of the class, however he very clearly pretended not to understand what she was saying.
This took place only last {REDACTED}.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟓
Hi Katherine,
I can verify that the number 5 story in QoF Digest 12 was still being told to young women musicians in 2007 when I attended a British music school. When I joined a brass band, I was told an even more elaborate story, likely exaggerated after many years about the band whose members took out the woman’s mouthpiece during a break and took turns in the bathroom ejaculating into the euphonium before the show. I was told that she was horrified and ran out once she learned what had happened. It was told to me as a more of an urban legend and as a sort of initiation rite. It’s interesting hearing what is likely the original story now. I knew in that moment I was supposed to laugh to be accepted into the band, so that’s what I did. I wonder how many other women were told that same story
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟔
In the mid 1970s, I attended 11th and 12th grade at an arts boarding school, in the northern US. Living away from home for the first time, I arrived as a straight-A student and was excited to be placed principal in the orchestra. By graduation, my grades had tanked to the point that I was at risk of not graduating, and I’d lost my principal position in the orchestra. I no longer had the motivation to audition for fancy schools. By default, I ended up attending the university in my home city, a poor “choice”. I felt like a total failure, at 17.
What had occurred during those 2 years was that the orchestra conductor initiated an inappropriate and, I believe, criminal sexual relationship with me. I was 15-17 years old during the time. It was a perplexing and ultimately traumatizing period of my life. It began with grooming, being made to feel ultra-special, off-campus trips, restaurant dinners with alcohol, and finally sleep-overs. I was surprised and flattered to be singled out, being told I was “so special”, etc. etc. But I was also confused and anxious about such secrecy. The individual was twice my age. Indications began to appear that I was perhaps not the only one, and so I became even more confused and anxious. I left the school a wreck, frankly, and never visited the place again.
Since The Article, ensuing events, and the bravery of so many women, I finally found the courage to speak up to the school. There were 3 back-and-forth exchanges. In effect, the response I got was: 1) sorry that was your experience, and 2) such things could never happen now.
Policies surely WERE in place at the time, but rules were bent. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve now reached out to some former classmates and have learned that I most certainly was NOT the only one. Other students were similarly exploited by the same predatory conductor. Other faculty were also similarly involved, with different students. In one case, a student suffered so badly in such a situation that she ultimately left the school, after a “he said/she said” confrontation that did not go well for her. Clearly, there were signs, but admin never stepped in to put a stop to things.
The individual who abused me has since passed away, highly celebrated for his “life-long contributions”. Meanwhile, other similarly-involved faculty members are still alive. To my knowledge, none were ever confronted or reprimanded for their behaviour. With underage individuals (hence no consent), there is little doubt that at least some of this activity, by figures of authority, was criminal.
My first 5 years or so, after graduating from this high school, were pretty rocky. My confidence at an all time low, I lost time and my parents’ tuition money, all during my best formative years as a young musician. It took literally years to regain my equilibrium. Ultimately though, I did right the ship, graduating from a top music school with a great teacher. I won auditions, had a career, a marriage, and family. But I do wonder how things might have gone differently, had I not suffered this abuse.
It seems I am now too late to find closure in this matter. The individual is deceased. The school offers no accountability, no admission of neglect or wrong-doing.
My silence, for nearly half a century, was not an indication of having at all resolved the matter. Rather, I had just thoroughly and completely buried it. At times, in recent years, I almost worked up the nerve to write to the school, while the individual was still alive. But I choked. I wonder if I would’ve gotten any different response then, or if the entire episode would have been similarly brushed off. I’ll never know. But what I can say is that, as terrible as it was to have suffered such trauma, the lack of accountability that has now followed is itself an injury. I’m still sorting that one out.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟕
Hi Katherine, I want to tell you something that I’m really concerned about.
I used to play in a community orchestra in {MAJOR CANADIAN CITY} that would hire professionals for their concerts to fill out the orchestra. I stopped playing during COVID as I found out they were violating restrictions. I just found out that there are THREE men in the orchestra who continue to perform with the orchestra despite having charges of child p0rn possession and sexual assault. No convictions have occurred however I think it’s insane these individuals are allowed to continue playing with this orchestra especially since there are children in high school who participate as well.
Tonight I was filling in at another community orchestra and recognized the principal second violin though I couldn’t remember where I saw him. I realized he’s one of the men who has child p0rn charges against him. His mugshot is the first thing that appears when I google him. I felt unsafe and uncomfortable being in this environment, and enraged that people like him continue to find work amongst vulnerable people. I have a feeling that this current orchestra knows about his convictions, as his last name has been redacted from the seating list but everyone else’s last name is visible. Why are people allowed to be in these spaces when they have done so much harm? I don’t understand. I’m so angry.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟖
Katherine,
Thank you so much for sharing the “filth”. It’s so important that people know what’s going on. I had no idea this was going on in symphonies. As a low brass player myself, I am appalled! Even though I am not a professional musician (I am a public school music teacher), I have been fortunate to have been treated very kindly and fairly overall by male low brass players throughout public school, college, graduate school, and performing in public groups.
The only time I had an issue with a male low brass player was in junior high school. This experience pales in comparison to those of the women of whom you have spoken, but it was very difficult for me as a 13 year old musician.
In 1981, when I was in 8th grade, I was chosen for the top band at my school, and I was very excited to get to play with and know a boy in my section, who was a year older, and whom I very much looked up to. From almost the first day in that band, he let me know there was no place for me in the low brass, that “girls don’t belong here”, and “the director only put you in this band because he feels sorry for you”. Of course, this only made me work harder. As a result, I started placing first chair on tests, which angered my colleague, and he resorted to the “he feels sorry for you” trope. He even used this excuse when we had city wide blind audition, and I beat him by two chairs. Where’s the logic in that? When words didn’t make me quit, he resorted to punching me in the arm repeatedly every day during band class. He wore a very large ring shaped like a ram and would punch me with it. I walked away with bruises daily. You have to know that I was a very short 8th grader, and he was a tall, football playing 9th grader. I did talk to the band director, but nothing changed. I told my parents, and they were furious and called my colleague’s mother. She said she was sorry, but that he was dealing with so much, because he was the “man of the house”, since his father had been shot down and killed in Vietnam when he and his two siblings were very young. My parents understood and sympathized with their situation, but they made it known that his behavior wasn’t acceptable. His behavior waned a little, but continued until he left our school for high school.
When I went to high school, he had grown up a bit, and no longer used his trope that people “felt sorry” for me. By then, we had another girl in our section, one who was a good player, but no threat to his ego, and one who was much more attractive than me. She and I got along really well, and my male colleague got along with her. He settled for small pranks he played on me, like locking my euphonium case with the universal key right before rehearsal. Luckily, he pretty much left me alone in high school, but his behavior in junior high school made an indelible mark on me. I do credit him with giving me the drive to work even harder than I normally would. There was no way in hell I was going to sit in a chair below him, and I never did, except at the beginning of the school year, when we were seated by grade level.
I know my experience is nothing like the horrifying experiences of others, but I wanted you to know that this type of behavior happens in other settings as well. Thank you for “listening” to my story!
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟗
Wanted to tell you that I hang out in a very large FB book of band directors and everyone is posting their programs. Almost all composers are men. I've seen only a handful of non white and/or non man composers.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟎
Hi Katherine, I'm a violinist, member of an orchestra that recently declared bankruptcy that is clawing its way back into the land of the living. I'm a big fan of what you're doing out there!! I wanted to share this story, it's not one of abuse, merely just general creepiness from an older white male colleague of mine (he is approximately 30 years older than me). I've worked with him for 18 years and he's spoken to me socially three times: the first was to invite me to join his "workplace weight loss challenge" (I emphatically declined and he was reported and told to stop discussing his colleagues' bodies at work lol). The second was him commenting on my taking a second piece of chocolate from a box in the green room. And the third happened just last weekend at intermission of a benefit concert for our Players' Association. I have a sticker on my violin case, a piece of art from a Canadian artist named Janice Sung. I think it's beautiful - it depicts a nude woman from behind and 100% of the comments I've received about it have been from old men in a "nudge nudge wink wink" capacity. That evening, this creepy colleague noticed my sticker and started elbowing the other old dudes he was talking to like, "hey, check THIS out" and he asked whose case it was. He said he was surprised when I said it was mine (?) and proceeded to tell me that it reminded him of when he was a young musician and worked in a band at a strip club. He described being onstage with all the women, used the phrase "those were the days", and then said that my sticker reminded him in particular of one stripper, an "Asian lady named Lotus Blossom". I said to him that the lady on my sticker wasn't a stripper, she was just a lady, and he sputtered a bit then threw his hands up and said "I don't have to deal with this" and stalked off. So yeah, even when these creeps aren't assaulting women physically, we have to listen to their insufferable backstage stories. Keep up the good work!
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟏
Katherine,
Thank you for fighting the good fight, and I'm glad to hear {REDACTED} is taking a few first steps.
You make real change. Because of your influence, and the influence of the amazing women in my studio - who have no problem telling me our cannon of repertoire is elitist and sexist, and sharing the constant inequities they face - i've learned so much. In effect, my head's been extricated, at least partially, from my rectum.
Due to them, and you, and other allies, I steeled myself and went to our {REDACTED STATE UNIVERSITY} Title IX office last year to tell them what my students had told me about music directors at my school.
One was removed a month ago.
You make a difference. Know that. You're a hero. Mine at least.
Another note; our orchestra conductor demurred from conducting this year (wtf?) And the {REDACTED STRING QUARTET} came in as resident artists. {FIRST VIOLINIST OF QUARTET} and I worked to put on works by underrepresented composers in the fall - twice - and it was amazing. I didn't conduct the concerts, as a) I had contracted performances and b) they were striving for conductorless performances.
The conductor got to stay on at full time tenured salary. I billed $1,100 just for time on the podium.
Because of worries about "exceeding my part-time status, I was replaced with another, less experienced conductor to conduct DWM music. I planned Lili Boulanger Psalm XXIV.
We have a long way to go.
You don't need to post to the digest... I worry it sounds self-aggrandizing. But the real hero is you.
Keep it up. Though the threats and antagonism, keep going. I want the young women in my studio to imagine they can join me as peers, rather than eventual prey to my colleagues (one thinks that's a certainty)
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟐
I wanted to explain to you how many times I have been in very uncomfortable situations by men I trusted. These predators prey on the nice and friendly and take advantage of it. Every single male employer that I ever had, hit on me or made comments to embarrass me. I couldn’t find my voice to tell them to f..ck off and leave me alone. I figured I would be fired or harassed even more. I have had to leave several jobs because of it. They know which ones they can take advantage of with little risk. And they bank on your weakness to tell anyone. I am very proud of you for your platform and what you’re using it for. It has to stop!
**************************************************************************************************************************************************
𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 #𝟏𝟒
𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔
𝘗𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘐’𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘮𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘹 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘦𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘈𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 “𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱𝘴” 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘶𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘣𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦. 𝘗𝘳𝘰-𝘛𝘪𝘱: 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 “𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱” 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘌𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 18. 𝘈 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘮 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 “𝘴𝘦𝘹𝘶𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳.”
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏
I’ve been thinking about all the recent sexual allegations that have come out. I read each of them with mixed emotions. On one hand I feel heard, I no longer feel alone, I feel validated. On the other hand I am disappointed, disgusted and heartbroken for all the other women that experienced what I have. I continue to read your posts in hope that allegations against one particular BFM will come to light. For now, I am not ready to share details of my story but I know I am not alone and there are many women out there, sexually harassed by this man.
I continue to think about one conversation from years ago that I had with a male friend. I told him about how his teacher made me extremely uncomfortable, referencing porn, orgasms, and nudity in our conversations. He told me I could be a model, if my performance career didn’t work out. Because I am hot and sexy. I went to that male friend for advice regarding his teacher’s behavior. I will never forget what he said to me, “Oh my God. Please don’t get my teacher fired.”
I never called him out for this beyond inappropriate answer. I felt hurt and betrayed, ashamed as if it was my fault. If you are reading this, I hope you know that you let me down. You let down all your other female colleagues. You are now tenured in an orchestra. And I hope you have changed. I hope you continue to learn to stand up for women. Believe them when they come to you. Support them.
The amount of sexual encounters I have experienced (too many to count or keep track of) has just become a norm. Every young, talented girl experiences it. It is part of the classical music scene. Some examples of what has been said to me by older men of power:
“You play a woodwind instrument. So you must blow well. Would you like to blow me? Haha. Just kidding.”
“You know you only got this gig because the conductor likes Asian women?”
“If music doesn’t work out, you should be a model.”
“Your gorgeous playing, paired with your gorgeous body and hair, makes me drool. You women are dangerous, always tempting me.”
“I wouldn’t report his behavior. You don’t want to be known as the woman who takes this big famous musician down.”
These just scratch the surface of the things that have been said to me. For years I thought maybe it was me. Maybe I am the problem. Maybe I am too flirty. Maybe I wear too much makeup. Should I wear baggier clothes so it doesn’t show the outline of my body as much? This has conditioned me to think before each gig, “who will I work with, and how should I dress or look in order not to be asking for unsolicited compliments on my appearance?
The amount of frustration, shame, guilt and hurt that I have experienced in the classical music world due to “me too” truly breaks my heart. Because when I decided to major in music, go to conservatory, play with great orchestras around the country - that was not what I imagined it to be.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟐
Message from Thomas Masse:
You can quote me publicly on this: I have never had a clarinet teacher ever describe something to me in sexual terms. Men who do this to women in the teaching studio do this (among other reasons) to make them uncomfortable in that situation. They get off on seeing a young woman squirm and react.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟑
Since The Article hit and I've been reading your posts, I've been appreciating that my double bass teacher at {BFMS} wasn't like that, though it's a very low bar. I have wondered uncomfortably what he may have known about and looked the other way on. For instance, it was well-known that my first husband's {STRING INSTRUMENT} teacher was dating a student. (She was a grad student. Did that make it okay? I guess I felt it did at the time, 1993.) In a catch-up session my teacher and his wife told me, "Ooo! {FANCY STRING TEACHER} is dating a NON-student!"
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟒
Regarding the {BFMS} conducting department shitshow (it's necessary to specify which {BFMS} shitshow apparently)... A couple weeks before graduating {BFMS} in 201(REDACTED) I wrote (with the encouragement of faculty) to the deans and string chairs saying that I could not in good conscience recommend anyone come to {BFMS} for their orchestra program due to a shortlist of (REDACTED) creating a toxic environment, being verbally abusive to students and faculty in front of the orchestra, talking shit about faculty in front of the orchestra, using the student ensembles as a conducting orchestra for his students, and when performing my lengthy piece that was selected for the {BFMS} composition competition that year, telling me that it didn't need to be rehearsed for more than 20 min because "no one knows how new music is supposed to sound" (I reference this story frequently when discussing the difficulties of programming anything new) I recently wrote to {BFMS} expressing that they should take {FEMALE STUDENT} seriously and enough is enough with trying to make the same toxic BS work for two decades. They responded saying my attempt helped them make {BFMS} a more respectful environment... which evidently it is not? I later in my DMA (different school, same bs) had to deal with a four year saga similar to {FEMALE STUDENT’S}, not based on sexism, but similar in that it consumed too much of my energy while also trying to earn a DMA and a living. Point being, students are sticking their necks out on the line to prevent abuse, and are rewarded with threats to careers and lawsuits. It's beyond exhausting. If you're an {BFMS} alum, please do what you can to support {FEMALE STUDENT}.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟓
Hey Katherine! While we’re talking about Title IX at {BFMS}..
During my first week at {BFMS} (the literal orientation week) I was trying to make friends with people as pretty much everyone does. I sat with another freshman named {REDACTED} at lunch and had the usual conversation introducing ourselves. I didn’t think much of it and went to go make reeds in the reed room at the school. He tagged along because he was also heading over to practice. As we get towards the reed room I notice he’s still following me. I remember asking him if he’s headed to his practice room and he said yeah I’ll head over in a second. I opened the reed room door and sit down and he followed me in. I remember feeling so uncomfortable but really just tried to dissociate and start making reeds. He started asking me very sexual questions as he got closer and closer until he was standing over me—blocking the exit. I kept just turning away and tried to keep myself busy so I wouldn’t have to deal with what was going on. Eventually he got the hint when I told him to leave after probably the 5th time and started walking away. As he’s leaving he says “if you ever want a BJ you know where to go. I’m always ready.”
I remember sitting there for what felt like hours after that happened. This was my introduction to {BFMS} and the music world and it all happened within a week of arriving.
I ran into someone that became a dear friend of mine and told him what happened—I didn’t know what to do. He said I should talk to someone about it. I tried going to Title IX. It took them a couple days to respond but eventually I got an in person meeting with the dean. I told him my story and his first reaction was to diminish everything that happened. He told me “boys will be boys” and that “I don’t have any proof so we can’t do anything”. He asked me if I did anything to engage this behavior and made me feel like I caused this all to happen. The Title IX office failed me. It turned me into a shell of a person and I became very unsocial and continue to be because of this interaction.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟔
Hey Katherine - I wanted to reach out about your post about {REDACTED}. Not sure if anyone told you this, but he was fired from {MUSIC FESTIVAL} for skinny dipping with students. I’m assuming {BFMS} and the {ORCHESTRA IN SAME CITY} knew and did nothing. I wasn’t there - I heard this about this years ago from my teacher but it’s pretty widely known I think. Thanks for doing what you’re doing❤️
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟕
When I was a fellow at {TRAINING ORCHESTRA}, I was raped by another fellow. He was a guy who I had previously had a sexual relationship with. At the time, we had ended our relationship and hadn’t had sex in 7 months. This happened in the new world center in a rehearsal break. I clearly said no to him, I tried pushing him off of me, I asked him to at least not finish in me. He didn’t listen. I was clear. I confronted him after rehearsal and he said “what are you saying I fucking raped you?” I couldn’t use that word yet. It was too scary. I left {TRAINING ORCHESTRA} a couple weeks later to start a new job. Months later, I found the courage to write the new world administration and tell them what happened. They feigned concern, conducted an “investigation” where they even found footage of me running out the practice room after it happened and of me leaving rehearsal and going in the bathroom, where I had a total breakdown. They told me they “took it seriously” but there wasn’t any evidence, so there was nothing they could do. This man remained at {TRAINING ORCHESTRA}. Not only that, but he was awarded a coveted 4th year and got to stay the next year as well.
I lost friends over this. I moved to a new city where I knew no one. I sat alone in the shame of my experience for months and still to this day, rarely talk about it.
{TRAINING ORCHESTRA} has long had a reputation of being a boys club. It was definitely the case when I was there. In my two years there, I got to sit principal twice, and one of those times was a children’s concert. The men in the section rotated and split the position equally. When I got a job, the personnel manager emailed me and said “we replaced you with another girl.” I was in my late 20s at the time, definitely not a girl, and I guess they expected me to be grateful that they hired the second woman in that section in many years. I hope they have changed things there, but I really doubt it. The sexism was so deeply ingrained in my time there.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟖
Message from Claudia Friedlander:
Dear Katherine,
I'm a soprano and voice teacher. I am writing to share a very disturbing incident of victim blaming/shaming involving mezzo-soprano Elizabeth Bishop, who teaches voice at The Juilliard School, Peabody Conservatory, and at her own Potomac Vocal Institute, which she created “to train young singers in an innovative and practical setting.”
Classical Singer Magazine recently held its annual convention. This is primarily an extended college and conservatory recruiting event, and the target audience is high school singers and their parents. Numerous voice departments send representatives to present for and meet with these young singers. You can view the event schedule here: https://www.csmusic.net/content/convention/schedule/
The convention schedule included two panel discussions on “Navigating Academic Waters: Panel Discussion for Parents.” The audio file I am attaching features Bishop responding to a parent question. Other panelists included my friend Samuel Schultz, who was a victim of sexual assault by countertenor David Daniels and his husband https://www.npr.org/2023/08/04/1192210280/opera-singer-david-daniels-pleads-guilty-sexual-assault. Sam had his early training and career derailed as a consequence of the assault and its aftermath, and he is no longer pursuing a singing career. He is now a fierce advocate for improving opera culture and protecting musicians from sexual predators.
Bishop lectured, “Remember, your first line of defense is your own common sense. If the situation feels like it might not be right, don’t go into it. If you feel like you shouldn’t be over at somebody else’s house, don’t go. We talk an awful lot about this, without realizing that part of the onus is on us.” Sam then interrupted her to express the importance of never blaming and shaming victims of sexual assault.
I have to imagine that both Juilliard and Peabody offer annual faculty training to raise awareness of and prevent sexual harassment and assault. And that one of the very first things covered in such trainings is an imperative to listen to, rather than blame and shame, victims of sexual predation.
This means that Bishop has likely heard this imperative numerous times over the years. It did not inhibit her from engaging in blatant victim blaming, while serving on a panel alongside a survivor of sexual abuse. This means that there is probably no argument that would change her point of view about this, and the best we can hope for is that her employers might learn about how she represented them to the parents of young singers at this convention, and persuade her to keep her point of view about this to herself in the future. Or fire her, that would also work for me.
No matter how outstanding a teacher Bishop is, young singers should not be subjected to the influence of someone who espouses this point of view, who appears to be in deep denial about how this issue is impacting our community and harming our students.
Those of us who teach understand that 80% of what you teach, is who you are. Bishop is not a good role model for our rising generation of musicians.
—Claudia Friedlander
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟗
I wanted to share some off-topic experiences I had as a flute student at {SOUTHERN BFMS} School of Music because I think they underscore the broader culture of abuse and violence towards women in the classical music world.
I was a flute student of {REDACTED1} at the {REDACTED} School. My professor was considered one of the all-time greatest and I came there specifically to learn from her because I wanted to play professionally in an orchestra.
During my first month of freshman year, I gained a significant amount of weight due to being able to eat more freely than I could at home (my parents had put me on restrictive diets from an early age; I have always had a big body). I was also sexually assaulted by another student in the first month of school, and became depressed, which surely contributed to my weight gain.
One day in a private lesson, my flute teacher told me that I needed to lose weight if I was serious about becoming a professional. She told me that conductors and audiences wanted to see a slender body when they looked at a flutist -- someone who walked out on stage and evoked the grace and delicacy of the instrument, and who was believably a talented artist. She told me that losing weight would make it easier for me to perform wearing heels, which all female students were required to do. I tried everything I could to lose weight, but was generally unsuccessful. (Which, btw, something like 95% of people are! That's why the diet industry was worth $50 billion at the time, and $100 billion today. but I digress...)
Over the next three years, {REDACTED1} would routinely bring up my weight (and my lack of ability to lose it) at least once a semester, sometimes as often as every week. She told me to explore Celiac-friendly diets, she gave me magazines about running, and offered to pay for a personal trainer or medical consult. She told our music director / conductor about my "weight loss journey" and asked him to encourage me to continue working hard at the gym, which he did. She told me he wanted to see progress before I was assigned better parts in orchestra. It remains the most mortifying experience of my life.
Eventually, the careful observation and harsh judgment of my body became the daily reality of my experience at the {REDACTED} School. My "weight loss journey" was something all of my chamber coaches knew about thanks to my teacher, and something all of my peers knew about because I was constantly crash dieting, I often emerged from private lessons crying, and I did juice cleanses before all four of my degree recitals to try and appear thinner on stage.
I quit playing the week I graduated -- I tell people I burned out. On some level, I have grace for {REDACTED1} because I understand that our professors, while experts in their fields, simply don't know all things and it's plausible that she was sincerely trying to help me succeed. Diet culture runs our world. She's not wrong about that. But the indignity of the experience has stayed with me for my whole life. I was manhandled by {FLUTE BFM} in a masterclass in front of dozens of people; {BFM YOUTH ORCHESTRA CONDUCTOR} once told me I was a beautiful woman while speaking so close to me that he spit in my mouth (I was 15). Yet this experience with {REDACTED1} is the one that made me finally need to put the instrument down.
I know this is off-topic for this forum, so it's fine if it doesn't make sense to post. Regardless, thank you for everything you're doing and for giving me a space to tell my story.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟎
Hi Katherine, I appreciate your work in bringing to light the terrible inequality in the music world between men and women. Something has been bothering me this whole time and that is that some women, when in positions of power, are equally abusive. {BFW BRASS} is no less guilty of placing her favorite students in jobs and being incredibly cruel to people for her own reasons. She's basically like Dolores Umbridge.... Sickly sweet and very dangerous. I have no reason to believe that she was sexually abusive or had any inappropriate relationships with students. I have absolutely no knowledge of such things, but she (and the rest of the panel) was incredibly cruel to me in my audition for {BFMS 1} once she saw that I came from {BFMS 2} and had studied with {DISGRACEDvFANCY BRASS MAN}. A year later, she came to teach master class and private lessons at {TRAINING ORCHESTRA} and she was as sweet as could be. I know she remembered me, but was out of the world of her control. It was truly bizarre. She was very cruel to {FEMALE BRASS PLAYER} when she was a student at {BFMS 1}, (principal who I've sat next to for 20 years). Her cruelty has left some people with a wounded self-esteem, just guessing at how they could have done better all those years ago just because they couldn't figure out how to be one of the favorites or what they ever did to deserve her disdain to begin with. I'll bet if you opened a forum on this subject, you would have many many private messages telling their stories of hurt. Very few have been winners at her game.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟏
Hi Katherine, you don't know me, but we have many mutual friends. I wanted to say a quick thank you for being on the frontlines of the work you are doing. Just this week I got the schedule and details for a music camp I'm teaching at in a couple of weeks. One of the other instructors on the email is one of the BFM of brass that has a public court record of his wrong doings (which we all know means countless more offenses not spoken of and hidden. I am a very non-confrontational person, but was able to find the courage to reach out to the organizer and let them know about this person's past thanks in LARGE part to the work you have been doing. They were completely unaware, thanked me for working to keep their kids safe, and are working with admin for next steps. Thank you again for the courage you are giving to countless women, big and small.
𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄 #𝟏𝟐
This is going to be a long one, but I want to share it. I hope at least one person reads the full story.
TW: Sexual assault, suicide
I went to a very famous and top university for music and had the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happen. I think a lot of people at this university made up their mind about what they think happened but I want to share my experience in case it can help someone relate or feel less alone.
I remember seeing [redacted] as a suggested friend on Facebook so I added him casually since everyone else in the ensemble had added him. He was someone higher up with authority over me and the rest of the undergrad/grad students. He immediately accepted the friend request and messaged me to say thank you for the add. I thought it was weird to message me but anyways I said you’re welcome thinking it would stop there. I didn’t expect to be groomed by this man, who was 10 years older than me. The conversations continued and got intense very quickly. It was awkward and confusing but I eventually loved the compliments and attention from someone that I deemed so important. I felt special and “chosen” by him. Everyone loved him at school so I had to be really special if he liked me.
Our band was taking a trip to another university to perform for a band festival. The bus ride there was pretty calm, he sat in front of me and we had conversations with other students. But the bus ride home was the first time he crossed a line. He asked me to sit in the back of the bus on the way back to school, and of course I did. It was dark and most students were sleeping thankfully. He started whispering in my ear and rubbing my inner upper thigh. No matter how special I thought I was for being with him, I felt so uncomfortable with this and I didn’t even know what to do in that situation. He was kissing me and touching me and there were students who were my friends just across from us and I prayed that no one would notice.
I messaged him after this happened and told him that he had crossed a line and that I was not comfortable with him behaving this way. He had a very defensive response and basically told me I am just acting like a child and that nothing happened. So ok, nothing happened I guess. Things continued and always got more and more intense.
We had more dates, he even took me to bars and bought me alcohol while I was under 21. It was not a red flag for me at the time, so we saw each other a lot more, talked constantly, and a lot of nights, he would sleep over at my house and we were intimate consensually. Of course, he asked that this would be a secret since he did not want any faculty knowing about this relationship. How exciting is that for a clueless 20 year old girl that has hardly any experience with boys?
After spring break finished, he said that we could no longer continue because someone (who he would not name) told him that it was inappropriate to be with a student, so we stopped talking.
End of the school year, and he messages me again. By no surprise, he wants to be with me again. I was still hurt from getting dumped out of no where. He comes over to my house to spend the night, and I wasn’t as keen to have sex again. So he rapes me. This is in the end of April.
A week or so later, he goes to Vienna with a marching band faculty member and tells this faculty member about our “relationship”. I did not like that. But we talk all lovey dovey while on his trip. When he comes home, June 4th, I pick him up from the airport and drop him off at his home. He comes over that night to sleepover. Naturally, we are having sex and he started to hurt me. I asked him to stop and said he was hurting me but he ignored me completely, and kept going, and with more force. I will never be able to get rid of the memory of him on top of me with a purely animalistic face of rage. It is in my memory forever. I also will never forget going to the bathroom afterwards and seeing blood dripping down my legs. He raped me again.
The next day at work, I remember having more bleeding and I needed to leave to get medical attention. I will forever regret not doing a rape kit at a hospital, but there was so much shame and I felt like everything was my fault anyways. No way I could tell anyone what just happened. I saw my regular obgyn and he did confirm I had injuries from sexual trauma.
Out of the blue, a few days later, he messaged me saying everyone at school knows I am a whore, accusing me of being with other men while he was away, and saying he refuses to have a whore for a girlfriend (I never asked or thought I was his girlfriend). Everything was cut off that day.
Fast forward to this turning into a university and police investigation. I tried to anonymously speak out about this and how bad the school was treating me. It turned everyone against me, I lost so many friends because they saw more career opportunities with a rapist, so they sided with him. I don’t want to get into it, but I was not the first woman to report him.
Ok continuing, I was back home for my grandmother’s funeral and while in the parking lot at TJ Maxx (shopping for a funeral dress) I got a call from a friend who told me the head of bands at this university had stood in front of a rehearsal and told everyone I was a liar and that [redacted name] was going no where. People were tearing down my recital posters down and throwing them in the trash so the dean of the school allowed me to put one behind a glass case. A studio member (or few) were discussing what happened to me on a Google Doc that was getting passed around. I was removed from playing in all ensembles for the my senior year and from my musicology course. I guess I made people uncomfortable for speaking up and reporting him. Both of my instrument professors would say to me as I walked in prepared for my lesson, “go home, you look too sad”. I’m sure neither of them believed me either. I was living in an upside down universe.
I was extremely depressed. Depressed like I attempted suicide (in the middle of the weekly studio class) and I had to ask a doctoral student to take me to the hospital (on my 21st birthday too). I OD’d on Xanax and was hospitalized in the psych ward for a week. That isn’t the only time I’ve tried to take my own life and it is something I still struggle with today, 7 years later. My memory has been severely affected by the trauma.he PTSD/depression/anxiety is really bad. I have consistently had nightmares every night for years. And it’s always about this sexual assault and the treatment I received. This is still too painful to talk about in therapy. I struggle with intimacy and relationships. I never feel normal. I will probably always need to take multiple medications daily for the rest of my life because of this. I really wish I was lying, like everyone said I was. I never feel safe.
Surprise, at the end, nothing happened to him. He even taught at an all girls high school and is currently working at a college in {A SOUTHERN STATE} as their director of bands and flute instructor. I hope he has changed by now, but I doubt it. (Again, he was reported by someone in the marching band before me and there was another girl who was not comfortable speaking up about her experience.) He is living such a great happy life with so much success and I doubt I have crossed his mind in 7 years. He probably has forgotten anything ever happened and has never thought about the damage he caused. I am so happy for his amazing life…..not.
Now, I have zero contact/friends/teachers with anyone from school. I ran thousands and thousands of miles away (it didn’t help). I tried suing the university but obviously they are more powerful and wealthier so I would never win. I quit my instrument and wholly quit music. It completely ruined my life and changed my path into one I never imagined for myself. My mental health has been so bad I haven’t been able to get just a normal job in years because of the depression. I am almost 30 with no money in my bank, no savings, and I have to rely on everyone around me to help get basic necessities. I feel like such a pathetic loser for once having a successful life I was proud of, to becoming a shell of a person that needs to be heavily medicated and struggles with if they deserve to live. I can only imagine how things would be if he never assaulted me and what orchestra I would be sitting in right now. But now I can’t stand music or anything/anyone that has to do with it. I will never return to it. I hate all of it. I hate seeing him thriving, but I especially hate seeing my classmates winning jobs all the time because I think that could have been me. It never will be me, I lost my identity a long time ago.
I would love to name him, the head of bands that tried to make things hell for me, and the university that failed me. Am I crying like a baby if I say everyone failed me? And I am sure this school has failed others that have suffered the same way. I want to stay anonymous for my safety. I want to protect everyone that has been assaulted or taken advantage of. I want to go back in life 7 years.
There are too many stories like mine happening in the music world. Men with a tiny bit of power abusing those they see small. It is sickening how when I see another story, I think, “well this isn’t surprising”. How will we change this?
**************************************************************************************************************************************************
July 11, 2024
𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 #15
𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔
MESSAGE # 1
FROM BRITT LINNÉ SEMENOW
Hi Katherine, I am a former employee from Eastman School of Music who worked directly under John Hain. As you can imagine, even though I have left the music field behind, I am still terrified, always looking behind my back, waiting for the moment that ESM culture will come clawing me down.
There are many genuine and kind people at ESM. John Hain is not one of them. The snide remarks about students (women students, students with disabilities, international students) were plentiful. When I first started, he "graciously gave up" his seat on the diversity committee so I could have it. I was 23. I was ecstatic! only...I quickly learned it was because he didn't want a seat on the committee because he does not care to do the work that would result in an equitable environment at Esm.
I was once in a meeting with him where a group was discussing options for orientation, and he slammed his fist on the table and blared "everybody shut up, we are doing it my way". This was a room of all women except John and another male employee. I went to his supervisor - whose role John now currently enjoys. she seemed to listen to my concerns - but nothing was ever done. No apologies. nothing.
The oboe instructor at the time used to ask me to smile for him anytime he would walk by my office. Again, I was 23 and fresh out of grad school. I was uncomfortable at best. I went to the former associate dean...at least that stopped after a bit.
And the time John Hain said "Student Support Team is really a place to feel free to vent about students". like...no. if you need to vent, the employee assistance program can direct you to a counselor. SST was supposed to be a collaborative place to help students. It was always just a vent-fest.
And quite frankly, I hope I get a cease and desist order. In defamation cases, you have to prove that what the other person said was knowingly false and that you have suffered damages. In Rebecca's case, there is no proof. There are no recordings. and this is the same with my story. In my experience, John does not follow up conversations with an email summarizing what was discussed. John Hain has thin skin and a big head (the ego is what is supporting the roof, I swear). Thinking that sending a cease and desist would shut down the narrative is massively ignorant of how life works. It does show that ESM and UR are scared. If their history of issues comes to full light, OCR will have a field day, and I imagine a lot of people could sue for lots of money. And Esm can't have that - how will they afford to over pay their faculty who continue to create social injustice?
(note - many of the faculty are great and amazing humans. They are not the ones causing problems)
—Britt Linné Semenow
Message #2
Hi Katherine, as a woman trombonist, I am one of the many that has stories. Thankfully not as horrific as so many that you have shared. I want to thank you for being the incredible warrior that you are. It matters and makes a difference. I have known {DISGRACED BFM BRASS} since 1987. He has always been a predator and disgusting POS. And none of his sycophantic colleagues (including my ex husband) would EVER stand up to him and his behavior. I have faith now that we can make a difference!!!!!! Love and strength to you.
MESSAGE # 3
WTF am I supposed to do when a man “asks” me for a hug? a man with outsize power and influence in the city in which I live, who plays my instrument. a man who is quite gay, but a man none the less. rest assured this person has no actual affinity for me: this was all about power and subordination. and we were surrounded by colleagues in a small room.
MESSAGE #4
Katherine, you are an incredibly impressive and courageous woman. Thank you for voicing the collective conscience of so many of us. I was a student at {BFMS} from {YEARS REDACTED}. So many posts hit home. In particular, multiple damning posts about BOTH teachers I had there as an undergraduate. I arrived an eager {WIND PLAYER}. My teacher was {BFM WOODWIND}. I was in awe of his playing at the time and felt so honored to be in his studio. Quickly, I was finding myself doubting everything about myself. He showed up to nothing I was performing and started lessons late. Most notably, he would sit so close to me in my lessons with his face so close to mine that I could feel and smell his breath. He would loudly give direction right into my ear. It was so uncomfortable that I could not concentrate or perform what he was asking of me. He would then make me repeat the attack of a note over and over to the point that I would break down. Then he would send me out because I “wasn’t ready” to play with the “big boys”. I was also taking secondary {2ND INSTRUMENT} lessons and was being courted by the {2ND INSTRUMENT} department to switch to a {2ND INSTRUMENT} major. After the experience with {BFM WOODWIND}, I decided to make the move. Sadly, I landed in the {2ND INSTRUMENT} studio of a man that has also been a subject in your posts. I was not his “type” but he used me to try to find out personal information about a girl in the studio who WAS his type ({ETHNICITY}). He was asked to “retire” well after I left {BFMS}. Almost unbelievably, I stayed for my MM but had a female teacher who finally supported me. I stayed because I knew she wanted to rescue me and could teach me. The most painful thing though is while I loved {2ND INSTRUMENT}, my true passion was {WIND INSTRUMENT} and orchestra. I deeply miss it to this day. Thank you for reading.
MESSAGE #5
Hi Katherine, I've been reading your digests and doing so reminded me of something. When I worked at a prestigious private research library in Washington, DC, through HR we had a Human Resources Lawyer come do a presentation to the staff about harassment in the workplace. How to identify it and how to report it. How to report it if you think a colleague is being harassed, etc. Most of the staff from academic staff to janitors and everyone in between was in the room, and the topic started a rather lively conversation. What became clear is how much harassment, of all kinds, we accepted. Especially women and people of color. I remember that I spoke up and explained that, as a freelance musician, if I called out a conductor or a contractor on something I considered unfair treatment or harassment, I'd never get hired again by that organization, so I ignored offensive comments and behavior so that I could get the gig. (I knew my instincts were correct because I on the few occasions I had brought something to the administrations attention, I did not ever get asked back.). As I was explaining this to the room, a friend and colleague who is a working actor, but also worked at the Library for regular income and health insurance as I did, agreed with me completely and said the theatre world was the same. Her actual words were "Amen Sister!" I can't remember now how this lawyer responded. I know that they were trained and used to working with larger organizations with established HR programs and a set of protocols to deal with workplace inequities and harassment, so what my actor colleague and I were bringing up was not something they could really advise us on. That aside, when I think about it, I am stunned at how we put up with treatment that is really unacceptable, yet we accept it so that we can keep the gig. Wow. I am lucky, I've always had strong women as mentors and they paved the way for me and I think that my generation (I'm 62) has opened the doors a little more for the women who follow us. How much more could we have progressed if freelancers such as myself and my actor colleague hadn't acquiesced? If we'd fought back and called out the perpetrators of the inappropriate remarks, and inequitable treatment? I'd most likely have had to be more reliant on my clerical day job. Note Bene: I was not treated any better at the Library than in the freelance world, and was fired by an incoming director who, it appeared, had taken a dislike to me, and to me and the rest of the staff appeared to use me as a scapegoat for what he saw as weaknesses in the staff that he inherited. He actually did me a favor, because I ended up in a job that, while I lost the prestige of that prestigious institutional email address, was much more interesting and rewarding! Instead of answering phones and putting together mailings and filing and photocopying at a BFRL (Big Fancy Research Library), I got a job at {TRAVEL AGENCY} helping people plan travel and put together vacations. I soon discovered that travel planning and learning the ins and outs of airplane rules, is much more useful to a freelance musician than a rather boring clerical job at a prestigious academic institution. Not to mention that, though there are problems and inequities, the HR department at {TRAVEL AGENCY} was much more responsive to any sort of harassment complaint than that of anywhere else I'd ever worked.
Message #6
Hi Katherine. I just wanted to write and say that I love what you’re doing. I’m a cis-gendered white dude, and I’m sure I’ve not been perfect, but trying my best to take all of these things to heart when I operate in this business. I’m afraid to call this out publicly, as I’m not yet a sub for this ensemble and would like to be someday (and try out again when the full position is posted), but I was just part of a major orchestra’s 1-year replacement bass trombone audition. I think 19 players, all dudes, all but one were white. I don’t know what to do with that, but it sucked. Of course I wanted the job, but I wish to see a wider variety of folks in the running. I’m sure there’s something weird with here it being a one year position or something, but still.
Anyway, I’ve been mulling over sharing that, so, there it is.
Keep up the good fight.
Message #7
I have been sitting on this for years and really haven’t told anyone ever as it never happened to me personally but to someone very close to me. With all that is coming out, I feel comfortable sharing.
During my undergrad at {MIDWEST UNIVERSITY}, I started dating a foreign graduate student who was in the chamber music program studying with the {CHAMBER ENSEMBLE}. They would parachute in for a few weeks every month to teach and play and then take off on their tours and personal invitations elsewhere. I had always sensed a weird vibe between the {ENSEMBLE MEMBER} and my girlfriend at the time but I was also only 19 years old and didn’t have much of a clue about anything. He was always cold as ice towards me and at the time I didn’t know why.
A few years later, my girlfriend and I married and came to live and work in her birth country and started building a family. Back visiting my family in {MIDWEST STATE}, sometime around late 2004 - early 2005, she calls her former teacher while we are staying at my mother’s house and shuts herself in a bedroom. I suspected something was up and when she finally ended the phone call I point blankly asked her what was going on. {ENSEMBLE MEMBER’S} wife had caught him red handed with a student of his and in their martial mess he confessed to having slept with every single one of his female students and she prohibited him from maintaining contact with all of them. Past and present.
We got together with some friends a few days later. The wife was also a former student of {ENSEMBLE MEMBER} while we were both studying there and she also admitted to being a victim.
His son, {REDACTED}, is now Acting Principal {REDACTED} in the {MAJOR SOUTHERN ORCHESTRA} and I can’t imagine all that he has had to see and hear and learn about his father.
I know right now the main focus is on brass players, but this type of crap is prevalent all over and isn’t discriminatory based on instrument.
Thanks for creating this space for these stories to come out.
Message #8
A violist who studied with me for her masters degree went to {REDACTED} big state university music school to earn a DMA in viola performance with {REDACTED} BFM viola professor. Although she later told me he was abusive - and I believe it was both verbal and sexual abuse - she didn't want to talk about the details. But at the end of her degree program she went to the administration about it, and perhaps because she was well-liked and respected, they listened to her. The outcome was a very quiet one, but he is no longer on the faculty, and seems not to have held a teaching position anywhere since, focusing instead on performing.
One of the frustrating outcomes of these academic abuse situations, perhaps especially for those who choose to go into teaching, is that if you report the abuser (and perhaps even if you don't) the all-important letter of recommendation from your applied professor will not be forthcoming. In my former student's case, she does not even list {REDACTED} as a professor on her resumé, whether because she can't stand to put his name there and give him any credit, or because she fears him being contacted as an unofficial reference, or a bit of both. She has asked me for references, and I am happy to oblige, but (1) it has been some time since she studied with me - I am not a recent reference, and (2) I'm not famous and he is - his letter would, unfortunately, mean more than mine. I asked her if she wanted me to address the perceived gap in viola study in my letters, but she was not comfortable with it. Although she is making a career for herself as a player and teacher, she has been unable to win a college teaching position (granted, there are few for violists, but she also plays violin, and is a fine player and teacher.)
If you google {FORMER BIG 5 CONCERTMASTER} you will find many violinists who have listed him on their resumés, and who am I to question their choice? Because when I participate in a search committee at my university and we see a gap of several years in a degree program with no applied teacher listed, there are inevitably questions, and often the assumption is made that there must be something wrong with the applicant. You're damned if you do include the abuser, and damned if you don't.
MESSAGE #9
Hello Katherine,
I just saw this post by a well known orchestra and I'm pretty angry. One of the trumpet players in the section is a former professor at {REDACTED}. It was an open secret at my school that he was a creep
A professor there once told me that I should be happy he doesn't like me because otherwise he'd want to sleep with me. I was a sophomore when I was told this.
He was also the principal trumpet player of the {REDACTED} Philharmonic, which regularly rehearsed in the University space. According to the Orchestra’s website, he is no longer employed there.
Even though it is still widely known that he has accusations of sexual harassment from countless female students, the major Orchestra still chose to hire him for this performance. It really seems that when you're a male brass player you can do whatever you want and still get employed!
MESSAGE #10
RE: {FANCY MUSIC FESTIVAL}...It brings back painful memories. I remember there being a culture of being in the "in" circle or not. I was definitely not. There was a lot of male dominance there, and even some of the women who were women leaders would enjoy belittling other women to feel important. I remember there was this one man there, whom I can't remember the name of bc I tend to block bad memories out of my mind, who decided he hated me, because I "smile too much." " Stop smiling! You smile too much on stage." What kind of moronic criticism is that? It definitely made me feel small, the way that BFM who yelled at you made you feel small. That was only one of the bad incidents. There are many more, and some with women. It's a dog eat dog world...and you are right, dont fucking pretend like we are all "equal," because we clearly are not! Thanks for letting me vent.
MESSAGE #11
Hi Katherine, thank you for what you do here. I've always known the scale of the problem was huge, but only after seeing your posts I understand it's truly a systemic issue. I mean I live in Poland and it's the same shit. And it's not only a few crazy men hired here and there, the whole environment is just toxic. I am (or I used to be) a pianist, I studied with a professor who is a pedophile and an abuser. He is perfectly nice to everyone so nobody ever took our allegations seriously. He's not only teaching at the music academy, but also in music school, which gives him access to much younger girls. He had an affair with a girl that was 14 at the time and he continued to brainwash her until she was 21. Only then we met at the academy and very slowly I convinced her it was not normal what he was doing. He slept with her when she was 15 (it's the age of consent in Poland, you can see he only waited as long as he needed to not be accused of anything). This is only one example, but did a lot of horrible things. At the end, I went to the dean of our faculty and to a few other important people, and everyone seemed to be kind of aware that he likes to surround himself with younger girls but nobody cared. The victims weren't ready to testify then, especially if they wanted to keep being musicians. The academy didn't and still doesn't have any regulations or procedures allowing any reaction to this kind of allegations.
I've heard so many similar stories about abuse, control and sweeping under the rug from the other Polish academies and universities of music. It's terrifying that nothing can be done about it, that there is no justice for the victims. I just hate it.
And I forgot to mention that those people from my academy are one of the most renowned pianists and professors in Poland. They are all related to the Chopin Competition. The head of the jury knows about it all, I told her. But as my professor is her former student, assistant and protege, she didn't give a fuck. She was shocked initially but then she said the most important thing is that he is not abusing anyone right now. And that's it. We will just wait until he will abuse another girl. I then understood that my only weapon against those men is talking. And telling as many people as I can about the dangerous men they need to avoid.
So really, I'm super glad you have the kind of platform one needs to make a difference. You are very brave to use your voice against patriarchy That's what we all should be doing. Have a nice Sunday!
Message #12
I wanted to share my story with you anonymously as I feel like giving up:
I'm tired of fighting.
I am the original orchestrator and co-composer of a musical. I have been crystal clear that I did not compose the book, the lyrics, or the melodies. Those were presumably by male playwright. We signed an agreement that I would develop the score and new music for this musical.
I composed the instrumental music to all but two songs and original orchestrations for all songs. I withdrew from the project due to romantic/sexual harassment and a hostile work environment by individuals involved in this project. But, male playwright and producer continued to use my work, which was registered in the copyright catalog without crediting or compensating me. They were issued a cease-and-desist by my attorney. In fact, the concert was performed and live streamed at a well-known venue.
It was a kick to the gut watching the cast celebrating their debuts at a well-known venue, off the back of my labor and intellectual property. You may have seen this show or know of an upcoming performance, please know that this contains UNAUTHORIZED portions of my work.I wanted to come forward sooner but I was afraid of being accused of defamation, despite having mountains of evidence.
I spent thousands of dollars in over a year and a half fighting these people. I'm giving up because it's too expensive and emotionally draining — not because I did anything wrong. But now, I see why women don't come forward. That's something that people don't realize: When you file a lawsuit, the only person getting paid is your attorney. There is zero guarantee that the defendants will pay, even if court ordered.I'm tired of fighting.
I don't see an end. I can't keep paying to find a solution. Although my attorney is an expert, this lawsuit took several unexpected turns despite the straightforward solution. And for me, it was never about the money anyway. I love composing and orchestrating and I'd do it for free. In fact, I was doing it for free with the expectations of deferred payment. But now, I see that I can NEVER do this for free for ANYONE. No ifs, ands, or buts.
I may never pursue musical theater again. As I complained before: I am a token. This musical is no exception. They wanted a woman composer/musician.
Sure, I have way more success than male playwright. That's chiefly because I'm a multi-instrumentalist and graduated Summa Cum Laude from top school. I put in the hard work. I have the skillset that male playwright purports to have. While working with him, I've never witnessed him playing any musical instrument or generating sheet music digitally or manually. None of this is on his social media. So, I will have a career. He won't unless he magically acquires my skillset and 20+ years of experience overnight.
However, my current success does not absolve male playwright and his associates of accountability. There are women who have given up on their dreams because of abusive individuals. Whether or not you agree with these women's decisions is irrelevant. You don't know how it feels ‘til it happens to you. Stop pretending to know. These women deserve better. Don't enable abuse. That's literally what we're asking.
Through this process, I learned that the only person who genuinely cared about me is, well, me. I was utterly shocked with the amount of naysayers and doubters who'd say, “let it go.” And these people knew what these people did to me.
So, this is our standards, eh? Lower the bar, eh? You may mean well by what you say, but what I heard is: “Accountability doesn't matter, your dignity means nothing, and possibly, we're willing to enable shitty behavior for the sake of convenience.” You don't know what it's like ‘til it happens to you.
I believe all women, especially when there's a laundry list of evidence. Fortunately, I have never met the individuals who harassed me in-person. This was all through text messages, emails, phone calls, and virtual meetings. This also provided me with a paper trail.
Please, think of the women who had physical contact with their abusers and CANNOT fight due to lack of funds. There's nothing that can be done. I know that many of you will still choose to work with these individuals despite my experience littered with red flags. But if you make that choice, please know that I'm NOT interested in working with you or any individuals who have given me hell.
This experience has added to my clinically diagnosed PTSD (among other tragic events in my life.) I have had zero time to heal. I'm no longer associating with problematic individuals, not even enabling them. I don't want to be toxic to anyone (and I apologize when I have.)
August 11, 2024
(Click date above to read on Substack with embedded photos)
𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 #16
𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔
Message #1
Regarding your recent post with reports of 3 BFM behaving badly, I know exactly who the third one is because that’s where my daughter goes to school. A Title IX complaint was filed but apparently stalled because it got to the stage where the BFM would have to be shown the evidence against him in order to respond and said evidence (lots of screenshots of messages) would obviously identify the victim(s) which she/they were not comfortable with. My daughter has not been directly affected but is sick about going back to school and having to be around him.
I would also like you to know, that same BFM called everyone in the studio earlier this summer and said “in light of everything happening in the brass world” referencing Cara Kizer, no doubt, he wanted to know if students ever felt uncomfortable in studio. As if anyone would come out and say yes directly to him.
Message #2
I dont know if you are aware what is happening in Finland atm. One of the rising star conductors have been found out to have been molesting and sexually assaulting boys around ages 16-20. He of course has denied everything but has been fired from certain jobs already. I am just worried that the storm will go out after few weeks and real consequences will die out. Few of the victims are my close friends and I am just raging furious. He blatantly used the young musicians position compared to him to silence them and in fear of losing jobs, they stayed silent. Also the taboo of male on male assault has propably been of the reasons. i will add here few of the articles. they are in finnish only article in english is from the shit media Slipped disc, which I just dont want to use for a any reason. Sorry there is propably no greater point for this rant but I just wanted you to know, that also in europe the predators still seem to rain relatively free. https://yle.fi/a/74-20091913 this is from finnish radio broadcast company
Message #3
I don’t know if anyone else has said it, but Texas A&M University-Commerce actually has a track record of hiring band directors with backgrounds of sexual crimes involving their high school students. Scott Atchison was assistant band director when I was there and now the crimes he committed when he was teaching in California have come to light. It’s like an epidemic in east Texas I guess. I went to school there with multiple girls who had been sexually assaulted by their band directors. One high school band director who was affiliated with TAMUC, Jim Cude, is now in prison.
https://hanfordsentinel.com/news/atchison-sentenced-to-30-days-in-jail/article_59924413-4656-571c-99f3-180e8a52eb1e.html
https://www.oregonlive.com/education/2018/12/accusations-of-sexual-misconduct-cast-shadow-over-former-oregon-crusaders-teacher.html
https://www.wfaa.com/article/news/education/north-mesquite-hs-band-director-arrested-for-online-solicitation-of-a-minor/287-415a5918-38dc-42a5-b7c6-5cc057bc7543
Message #4
a) As a college freshman at {IVY LEAGUE UNIVERSITY} in 1966, I made an appointment with a young, untenured visiting composition professor. I brought a portfolio of my teenage compositions, to ask him whether he thought they were worthy of my majoring in music with a composition specialty. (One of the pieces had won a national prize for young composers.) This gentleman was very kind, not rude. He riffled through the music for about ten seconds. Then made what I’m sure seemed to him a caring response: “You may have great talent, but I would feel irresponsible to encourage you. Women have never been composers, and will never be accepted as composers. You would feel frustrated all your life, and I wouldn’t feel right to encourage you. By all means be a music major if you wish, and concentrate on becoming a teacher or music librarian.”
It was before the days of support groups, the women’s movement, or research into the history of women’s music. I thanked him, went home discouraged, and buried the memory, losing a couple years of composing. In my junior year I was lucky enough to be rescued by another male composer; {DECEASED COMPOSER} arrived at {IVY LEAGUE UNIVERSITY} as a tenured professor. I crept into his classroom and meekly asked if I might audit his composition seminar. “No,” he replied, causing a temporary pit in my stomach. “This is a working seminar; we don’t have auditors. Everyone composes, and we play and critique each other’s music. So you would have to enroll in the course and do the work. Have you ever composed?”
“Yes,” I barely whispered. “Since I was nine.”
“Well, bring me some of your music, and I’ll let you know next week whether I feel you should be in the seminar.” I did so, coming back as instructed. “Of course you can be in it,” he said. You can argue that one shouldn’t let one’s fate be determined by others’ approval or disapproval; one should just have gone ahead and done it. But there was no culture of support, no possibility of being mentored or getting performed; it all seemed too painful, and one felt ashamed of having inappropriate ambitions.
b) The second example was my post-college career living in England as—yes!--a young composer. The atmosphere seemed highly conducive to women; one took it for granted. I had pieces performed in London concert halls and on the BBC. I won the BBC Young Composer of the Year award. It all looked so promising. Then the rejection slips began, the sense that one wasn’t somehow good enough. One began to think of alternative activities as more hopeful—teaching and choral directing in my case. It wasn’t until years later that I learned that the tide had turned for every woman composer, not just myself, through the simple mechanics of a few personnel changes at high levels. England is a small enough country that a few such changes could make a big difference. (The conductor of the chamber ensemble that premiered most new works died, and his successor was a misogynist. The female head of new music at the BBC retired with cancer, and was succeeded by a traditional male. The organization of women composers that had proudly shut down a decade before because its mission had been accomplished was therefore no longer functioning for performances and for redress of grievances.)
With those revelations, one realized that one had taken personally, blamed oneself, been impeded, by a situation that was instead caused by larger institutional, systemic forces.
Message #5
I've experienced harassment, including sexual harassment, before college and during college at a music school. Students and professors. I've been groomed by predators. I've dealt with some of the same in various workplaces. I've been groped on stage in front of an entire audience of people.
I've also been in an abusive marriage to a wannabe BFM wolf-in-sheep's-clothing who turned out to be abusive, dangerous and misogynistic and who is currently reposting your material publicly in his own personal PR campaign to appear as a safe, good guy who supports, respects, advocates for and protects women when he is actually just the opposite.
Of course, he doesn't appear to be abusive until he has someone trapped. I got fooled too. The changes started shortly after our marriage. He spent a lot of time during the marriage tearing me down and convincing me that I was 100% the problem. That my past experiences of abuse made me damaged and solely to blame for any "relationship problems" we had. I spent almost the entire marriage in therapy because he said something was wrong with me, but he was great. Someone who hasn't lived this kind of systematic dismantling of oneself can't understand how confusing it is. I just kept trying harder.
In addition to abusing me, he also abused his position of power in grooming his direct employee into a sexual relationship, and (from comments he made) had groomed additional young female employees in the past, all while we were married.
He has experienced no legal or social consequences for any of his behavior, and he is now publicly campaigning as a "good guy" by using your material and the suffering of other women to prop up his image. He has everyone fooled.
He has also smear campaigned me all over the music and arts community in my area, has ostracized me from almost everyone in the music community and has sabotaged my professional artistic opportunities. There was also financial and legal abuse. The smear campaign, sabotage, isolation and abuse continues many years after the divorce.
I wanted to tell you this because people consider what he did to me to be some "misunderstanding" on my part simply because we were married. They can't conceive of him this way because he has never shown this side of himself to them. They blame me. But women are usually blamed.
If I was not married to him, there would have been at least some legal consequences for some of the ways he abused me, but as we were married, people give him a free pass for everything he did, ostracize me, judge me and blame me.
In either case, in most states in the US, women are still unable to obtain restraining orders until the abuser vocally or physically makes an overt physical threat or actually harms them physically. In many cases, by then it's too late for her, or will be soon. Before he moved out, I was locking the bedroom door every night for months, afraid he would try to kill me in my sleep. He was so rageful all the time. He used to make my coffee on weekends and I suddenly started getting sick after drinking it. That finally stopped after he moved out to be with his mistress. Coffee no longer made me feel ill. Yes, looking back, it's possible he was putting something in it. I feared for my life for years while the divorce was ongoing. But as he was smart enough to never state an overt, direct threat, I had no legal grounds for protection. I also later discovered he had ordered an additional key fob for the house security system after he moved out and there were several times I came home and it seemed like someone had been in the house. I had feared legal consequences to changing the locks at the time, but I did it anyway.
I'm hoping you will share this so that people know that some BFM and LFM (little fancy men) marry their victims/soon-to-be-victims. This serves a few purposes:
#1) It legitimizes them as a "safe married person" and elevates them in society because of their relationship status. This immediately lends them trustworthiness.
#2) It masks any abuse from the public eye. They now have a live-in scapegoat they can abuse in private and upon whom they can vent all their life disappointments without any public view or consequences. (This was big for my LFM who is still full of envy and rage for his lack of fame and success and blames me for it. He said so.)
#3) It's now hard for her to escape because she is emotionally, legally, and financially bound up in him.
I know there are other women out there who have lived this with a BFM/LFM. They may be afraid to speak up because of the guilt and shame they carry for "choosing" a relationship with someone who turned out to be an abuser.
I have also been threatened with legal consequences for speaking out. Where I live, my abuser can sue me even if I never name him and even if I speak anonymously. The laws 100% punish and silence victims. This is part of why he has never experienced any consequences. Even though I have told some people since, they continue to support him. I assume because of both his many-year smear campaign against me and their own laziness.
He is allowed to harm me, and continue harming me, but ME SAYING anything about it is seen as the real problem, as you and many other women have also experienced.
Message #6
Hi Katherine,
First off, thank you for sharing your story and the stories of others. It has given me an iota of courage to share mine, although I don’t want to publicly since I fear retaliation. You can totally post this but I’d really like to stay anonymous. And I fully realize you might not read this since you are likely getting lots of messages.
This is about {REDACTED}:
You can see that he’s been the music director at {FANCY MUSIC CAMP FOR KIDS}, and has worked with {MUSIC FESTIVAL}, {BIG FANCY MUSIC SCHOOL} what a wonderful and fulfilling career!
I doubt they know why he was let go from {FANCY UNIVERSITY} something that was swept under the rug.
I was a student at {FANCY UNIVERSITY} from 2012-2014 and during my time there I joined {REDACTED}’s organization called {REDACTED}. We taught and performed in the {REDACTED} and it was awesome, so I saw no problem in going to {REDACTED}
We went to {REDACTED} and that’s where things got weird and awful. We did a fair amount of going out while there and also a fair amount of drinking at night where we were staying - for everyone involved. I felt safe because we did things as a group.
But one night, {REDACTED} encouraged me to stay up later. To drink more than I should, holding a bottle of liquor to my mouth and telling me to drink it in a joking way while pouring it into my mouth.
Shortly thereafter he asked me if I liked going on these teaching trips, and I said I did, and he asked me if I wanted to go on more, and I said that I did, then he asked me to perform oral sex on him, and I said no.
I said no over and over and over again, but it still happened…by way of force and not by free will.
After the trip was over, my grades declined, my playing declined, my mental health and will to live declined. I was self medicating with drugs to numb myself, and finally I went to {UNIVERSITY} administration.
By then, I had more names of people who had been victims of {REDACTED} women who were students, who were uncomfortable coming forward but I had their stories as well. Including one person under the age of 21 who he drank with alone under the guise of “I’m having a get together at my apartment to answer questions and talk about the next trip” but when she showed up it was only her.
I think {UNIVERSITY} was more concerned about someone drinking underage than they were about my sexual assault.
I was informed, via phone call, that he was let go from his position at {UNIVERSITY}.
An article came out about the horn professor acting inappropriately at {UNIVERSITY}, and I was asked to share my experience but no article was written about that.
I saw a lawyer about title 9 sexual assault, but the statute of limitations has passed.
This is why I want to stay anonymous. At every turn I’ve tried to tell my story, but every time I get railroaded by admin, the law, and it all just gets swept under the rug.
I just want people to listen, and I want the organizations he works for know that he should not be around younger women. ANY women.
I have lots of proof and correspondences going back to that time period, but I shouldn’t need it. I just want to be heard.
Thank you if you read this, and for hearing me.
MESSAGE #7
Thank you for whistle blowing. I have been very hesitant to share this and would like to remain anonymous. I was sexually harassed when I was in the Coast Guard band, and they basically said it was a “misunderstanding” because we each had not even one beer, he is still there. Disgusting. Another person in the band, actually grabbed my breast, and nothing was done, he retired with a full pension. The other person who made inappropriate comments is now a very high rank within the band. Not ok. Here is the link to the investigation, that is ongoing in Connecticut.
https://www.wtnh.com/news/connecticut/coast-guard-whistleblowers-testify-at-connecticut-hearing-about-sexual-assault-coverup/
MESSAGE #8
Here is a recent article about trombonist Michael Olefsky: “CSAM” is “child sexual abuse material.”
Centerton man accused of distributing several files of CSAM through Kik Messenger: Michael Olefsky was believed to be associated with several local music organizations in the area.
BENTON COUNTY, ARKANSAS, Ark. — A Centerton man has been arrested for allegedly distributing, possessing, and viewing child sex abuse material (CSAM).
Michael Olefsky, 39, was arrested by Rogers police on Aug. 6. He faces 12 counts of distributing, possessing, or viewing content depicting sexually explicit conduct involving a child.
Michael was believed to be associated with several local music organizations in the area. 5NEWS has reached out to confirm connections and employment status.
Investigation
First tip
According to the probable cause affidavit, Kik Messenger reported a cyber tip to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) where a user reportedly uploaded 27 files of CSAM between Dec. 22, 2022, and Dec. 25, 2022.
A detective with the Rogers Police Department (RPD) was assigned to investigate the tip on July 11, 2023. Kik provided investigators with the IP address and email linked to the messages in December.
After serving a subpoena to Cox Communications in relation to the IP address, investigators discovered it was allegedly linked to Michael and the email address trombonefsky@gmail.com. Through a subpoena into the email account linked to the Kik account — anonyhog@gmail.com— investigators found the name "Bilbo Bagels."
Second tip
On June 5, 2024, investigators with RPD were alerted of another cyber tip submitted by Kik on Dec. 10, 2023. This tip reported one message containing CSAM connected to the profile name "500547" and the email 500547@gmail.com. After issuing a subpoena to Cox Communications about the IP address connected to this tip, investigators discovered it was allegedly linked to Michael's wife, 37-year-old {REDACTED}.
The two IP addresses were connected to the same physical address in Centerton.
Credit: Benton County Sheriff's Office
Michael Olefsky
Search warrant
Police issued a search warrant for Michael's residence on July 19, 2024. Michael reportedly agreed to speak with detectives. He told detectives he lived at the residence with his wife.
In regards to his Wi-Fi, {REDACTED} told detectives they paid for the internet and it was in their name. According to the affidavit, Michael said he did not think it was password protected and he said he did not know the passwords. {REDACTED} reportedly told detectives it was password protected, Michael had the password, and he commonly used it to access the Internet on his devices.
"Michael mentioned in the interview that they have had to change routers a few times since they had moved into the apartment," the affidavit said.
Michael also said he commonly hosted fellow musicians at his home, while {REDACTED} said they did not commonly have visitors at their residence.
When the first cyber tip was detected in December 2022, {REDACTED} reportedly told detectives they did not have anybody over and did not go many places because she had been dealing with an ongoing medical condition since September 2022.
During December 2023, when the second cyber tip was detected, {REDACTED} told detectives she was working 13-hour days and was always gone, so they didn't have any guests over.
With another search warrant, detectives recovered electronic devices from the residence. According to court documents, detectives found a cell phone used by Michael with the associated email accounts of anonyhog@gmail.com, tromboneefsky@gmail.com, and olefskymichael@gmail.com.
Court documents say anonyhog@gmail.com, which was reportedly linked to the first cyber tip, was connected to an OnlyFans with the username "Bilbo Bagels" on Michael's phone.
Detectives also reportedly found an email on his phone from Discord to anonyhog@gmail.com that was addressed to user "500547," which was the Kik username linked to the second cyber tip.
During their search, detectives also found three videos on Michael's phone that contained CSAM, as well as a video "which appeared to be the same video" from the second tip, according to the affidavit.
Michael was arrested on Aug. 6. The detective on the case recommended Michael be held on a $200,000 bond, but there is no bond listed on his booking on the Benton County Sheriff's Office's website.
His next court appearance is set for Sept. 16.